


Falling Into You

by AeonWing



Series: Barriers Fall While Love Exists [1]
Category: League of Legends RPF
Genre: Boys In Love, Boys Kissing, Eventual Smut, Falling In Love, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Language Barrier, Light Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-10
Updated: 2017-01-15
Packaged: 2018-09-07 14:23:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 40,858
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8804305
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AeonWing/pseuds/AeonWing
Summary: SSB and FNC have both qualified for the 2014 World Championship. Rekkles has admired Deft as a player for as long as he can remember. Deft has always admired the perfect package that was Rekkles.When FNC go bootcamping in Korea they get to meet for the first time, and things heat up. How can they balance their newfound feelings with their competitive drive?What happens when fate pits them against one another?





	1. Preface

**Author's Note:**

> I know these kinds of fics have been done several times but they're my favourite pairing!  
> Until they meet, I'll likely split the point of views for Deft and Rekkles.

**August 16th, 2014**

Things had finally calmed down a little in the Samsung house. No one had expected KT Rolster to upset them in the OGN finals, but the defeat wasn't particularly devastating. SSB, along with their sister team SSW had qualified for the World Championships.

It was more of a time to rejoice than anything, and while most of SSB were happy and opted to go out and relax, Hyukkyu had other thoughts. He took every loss seriously, and even though they'd make it to Worlds, losing to KT in such fashion was in every sense of the word demoralizing. He hadn't spoken much since arriving home, and instead had opted to browse Inven, finding a mix of unwarranted bashing for losing to KT, and praise for making it to Worlds. Hyukkyu frowned, minimizing the browser and starting up his league client. It wasn't only a defense mechanism to help him forget about the loss, he genuinely wanted to improve as a player.

In the back, he could hear the excited chatter of his teammates, still hyphy from making it to Worlds. Someone would eventually come in to bother him. Or, if he was really unlucky, it would be Imp, and he'd be unable to touch his computer for the next hour as he'd try to fight him off. He didn't resent his teammates for their decision; frankly he'd be celebrating too if they had won, but that was not reality.

As he entered into queue, he found himself mindlessly browsing Youtube to kill time. At Hyukkyu's ranking, he might have to wait an eternity to get into queue. It didn't help that the majority of players in challenger were pros who were either in off-season and relaxing, or scrimming at this moment. One clip in particular caught his eye, and to no surprise, he recognized the name, the only part of the video in English.

It was a Rekkles montage. Humourously enough, it started with a blooper involving a failed turret dive, where Rekkles had autoed the enemy Shyvana, thinking the auto would kill her, but ended up dying for free. Hyukkyu chuckled at the clip, but kept on watching. Even among the Korean community, Rekkles was well known and liked for his skill and maturity. A very difficult person to dislike indeed. Up to this day, Hyukkyu had respected him, but never really thought too much about the other regions considering their historical lack of success internationally. If there was one thing that Hyukkyu knew for a fact, it was that the man he was watching was quite handsome. Even that was enough of a reason to keep watching.

To his dismay, the montage had finished before his queue popped, prompting him to find other clips to kill time. Hyukkyu must have been quite immersed in watching Rekkles, as he didn't realize that someone had come in their practice room. There weren't any arms around him, it wasn't Imp, thank god.

"Oh you're here practicing," said Gwanhyung, resting a hand on Hyukkyu's shoulder. "You sure you don't wanna go out with us tonight."

"I'm good hyung," Hyukkyu responded. "Just want to get better for Worlds."

"I know but..." He began, until his eyes caught the screen in front of him. "Oh, you're watching Rekkles huh. He's quite good."

"He is," Hyukkyu responded, smiling slightly. It wasn't often he was genuinely impressed by watching another ADC play. "Very handsome too."

"You might get a chance to meet him," Gwanhyung laughed. "They're coming to Worlds."

That caught Hyukkyu's attention. "They are?"

"Even if they lose tommorow's match against Alliance, they've secured top two for Europe," Gwanhyung replied. "We have tommorow off, did you want to watch it?"

Hyukkyu paused to ponder that. Had he ever watched Western teams play? Not to be arrogant, but as far as he could remember, the competition between the West and East was a joke at the moment. But this one man had caught his attention. He'd definitely want to see Rekkles in action.

"Sure hyung," Hyukkyu nodded, before turning to quickly accept the game found.

Indistinct chatter could be heard in the back. Hyukkyu could faintly make out the sounds of impatience. "Need to be somewhere?"

"Yeah, everyone wants to go out. I guess I'll see you later," and he quickly left the room.

When no more chattering could be heard, Hyukkyu exhaled, locking in Vayne and quickly modifying his masteries. Realizing the second montage was still playing, he reopened his browser to finish watching before his game started.

To his amusement, the last clip wasn't a gameplay one, but rather a piece taken from an interview. It seemed he had a pretty warm personality in person too.

"Good luck," Hyukkyu whispered, as it crossed his mind that tommorow would be the EU LCS finals, right before he went into game.

 

 

* * *

 

**August 17th, 2014**

 

A 3:1 defeat at the hands of Alliance wasn't exactly the fairytale ending Fnatic were looking for, but it would have to do for now. The atmosphere in the house wasn't stifling, but it was evident that FNC would have to fix up some of their mistakes coming into Worlds.

"Loosen up Martin," said a familiar voice, followed by hands on his shoulders. "We're going to Worlds. You didn't get to go last year right?" Enrique was smiling widely.

"Yeah," Martin groaned, getting up off the couch. "I was too young to play in LCS and had no experience when I was old enough."

"Well, then aren't you happy?" Asked Bora, his support. "To be frank, I think we'll do better this year. We have Martin now."

"Come on guys, I still need some improvement," Martin responded, never letting praise go to his head. He had always been mature, level-headed and humble, and that wasn't about to change coming into the most prestigious League of Legends event. "Besides, Deft's going to Worlds too. I can't give a bad showing." He laughed. It was common knowlege among his teammates that he admired the Korean ADC.

"Such high standards," said Lauri, moving closer to Enrique. The two could never seem to keep their hands off of one another. "I'm sure our boy can do it!" He laughed, half sarcastic, half jokingly. Martin frowned in response, but stood firm.

"Well, you'll get a chance to see him," Paul chimed in. "I heard we're likely going bootcamping in Korea before Worlds."

It didn't come as a surprise for anyone to hear that. Korea was where the best players all lived. They'd gain invaluable experience from practicing there. Not only would they hopefully find better scrim partners with different metagames, but the solo queue experience would undoubtly be superior with the ridiculously low ping. And amidst all that, Martin might have a chance to talk to Hyukkyu.

"I see," said Martin, trying to hide the excitement in his voice.

"Someone's really happy," laughed Enrique. "Maybe senpai will notice you!"

"Oh cut it," Martin responded, and they prepared to leave for a late night dinner. They had a few days until they'd leave for Korea, not long enough for Martin to return to Sweden, but enough to unwind a little after a stressful summer split. It seemed strange for anyone to honestly say they were excited to basically go to Korea to do even more work.

But for Martin, that could not be closer to the truth.

"I hope I get to see you," he whispered, before closing the gaming house door behind him.

 


	2. Admiring You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Deft learns that Rekkles is also quite interested in him as a player from his Inven interview and hopes that they can meet when FNC come over to bootcamp.

**August 21st, 2014**

The searing heat of summer had definitely finally left a little as autumn approached. And of course, in the eyes of any professional player who made it so far, that would mean worlds. Deft was no exception, and therefore that meant many, many more hours poured into practice.

But in his spare time, Hyukkyu had secretly been watching more of FNC's vods than he expected. Mostly to learn more about the Swedish boy who still remained much of a mystery to him. Although he saw FNC fall to ALL in the EU LCS finals, he was genuinely impressed with the way Rekkles in particular play. Something about the way he played was remarkably similar to the way Hyukkyu played; a controlled, conservative playstyle often mislabeled as overly passive. A playstyle that seemed to match Hyukkyu's soft-spoken, shy personality, worlds apart from his sister team's marksman, Seungbin.

And speaking of Seungbin...

"Come play with your Hyung!" Yelled an all too (unfortunately) familiar voice. Before Hyukkyu could adequately respond and process the words, he felt restricting arms around his chest.

"Not now, Seungbin," he responded, grumbling a little at the sudden intrustion. Although they were only one year apart, Seung-bin seemed intent on having Hyukkyu refer to him by the term. Not that Hyukkyu ever obliged. It was too much of a hassle.

"Aww why not?!" He whined, pouting and further strengthening his grip over the boy who struggled to free himself. "So mean to your hyung!"

"Why do you insist on me calling you hyung," Hyukkyu groaned, finally pushing the older boy off of him. "With the way you act, everyone would have thought you were a child. Besides, why aren't you practicing with your team or anything?"

"You're not practicing either right now!"

Well, he wasn't wrong. Hyukkyu had minimized the browser moments before Seungbin came in. He didn't know if the vod was still playing.

"Fine, you're right."

"Why, what have you been doing?" Seungbin laughed, intrusively prying Hyukkyu's hand off his own mouse, and reopening the browser, much to his friend's chagrin. "Oh, Rekkles I see?"

"Yes, yes Rekkles," Hyukkyu mumbled, moderately embarassed. Seungbin would surely find a way to tease him. Maybe he'd call Hyukkyu a stalker. Maybe he'd make fun of him for paying attention to a Western marksman. Or maybe just because he liked making fun of Hyukkyu. "He's good."

"Ew, did you just say a Western ADC is good?" Seungbin laughed. "You'll be easy to beat at worlds!"

That angered Hyukkyu.

"Ah, just leave already!" He groaned, turning away from the boy and hastily opening up his league client. At least now he'd have an excuse to ignore Seungbin. "Go practice or something so you don't eat your words."

"He's right you know," spoke another familiar voice in the back. Of course it was no other than Dayoon, who just came home. He wore an expressive smile as usual. "We'll beat you real good."

"Hah! Little Hyukkyu here thinks a Western ADC could do anything, I don't think so!" Imp retorted, before finally leaving the room when an angered Hyukkyu shooed him.

They could hear the door close, and finally Hyukkyu felt comfortable going back to watching FNC's vods while he waited for a queue. Dayoon's presence was never stifling or annoying. If anything, Dayoon was one of the first people he'd share his woes with.

"Watching Rekkles huh?" Dayoon asked, poking an interested face over Hyukkyu's shoulder. "You know, he talked about you in a recent interview."

That got Hyukkyu's attention for sure. "He... He did?"

"Mhm," Dayoon nodded, putting his stuff down before sitting at his desk. "It's on Inven you know. Just now."

"Oh?" Hyukkyu smiled, curious at what the boy said. Half afraid, half eager, he opened up a new tab and went on Inven. Rekkles' interview was quickly trending. No surprise there, even among the Korean community he was thought of quite highly. After scrolling down, he finally found it a link to the interview.

Curious, he took a look.

 

_**Q:Hello Rekkles!, you are pretty well known in the Korean community. Can you say hi to your Korean fans?** _

_A: Do they really notice me??? I'm suprised (laughs). Hello all, I'm Rekkles Fnatic's ADC._

 

Hyukkyu smiled at that. The Swedish boy was quite cute indeed, was his first thought. If not for his gameplay, Korean fans would've gone crazy over his insanely good looks anyways.

 

_**Q:You are considered one of the best ADC in Europe. I would like to know your opinion about this.** _

_A: I didn't know that my fans would think of me in such high regard. Actually I believe Korea's best ADC Deft is known to be the same age as me. I'm actually a big fan of Deft, initially I really liked Piglet, but as soon as I watched Deft play I became a huge fan of him._

_I watch a lot of Deft's games through OP.GG. Everytime I see him play he amazes me. He plays a lot of champions and shows his versatility on his skills on all of them. He's like the "God of ADC". Actually one of my smurf's ID is called "Deft's Slave" haha._

 

That definitely caught Hyukkyu off guard. He wasn't sure whether to feel flattered or perturbed, but it did seem to be mostly the former. Although he remained level-headed and mostly humble, hearing some praise every once in a while definitely felt nice. And this was coming from arguably Europe's best ADC and contender for male model, Hyukkyu thought, smiling cheekily.

"Deft's slave huh," he laughed, deliberating. So Martin also took quite an interest in him. Guess the feeling was mutual then. Normally, it wouldn't have meant much to him, but knowing that the Swede also thought so highly of him was a warm welcome and oddly made him a little nervous. Maybe he should respond. It would feel really awkward on both ends if Hyukkyu simply ignored the praise and quirky comment. Hyukkyu quickly went on a site he rarely visited, perhaps mostly because he didn't interact much with his Western fans. Twitter.

After a few moments of deliberating and checking if his English was mostly grammatically sound, he tweeted at Rekkles:

 

_**@FnaticRekkles i will change my summoner name "slave of rekkles"** _

 

He had double checked on google translate that the tweet at least made enough sense that a native speaker could understand. English had never been his strong suite, but he managed what he could if he had to. It did cross his mind though, he would definitely like an opportunity to meet Martin, or at least talk to him. Now that he ascertained the feeling was mutual, he felt a lot more comfortable doing so.

"But... How will I...?" He deliberated. There was no way the Swede knew any Korean, so that was out of the question. Hyukkyu knew some English, but it was rather limited and he couldn't imagine any conversation going well if one of them was on google translate half the time.

Maybe he could ask his head coach and team manager in their spare time? Their English was definitely considerably better than the players, but Hyukkyu wondered if they'd entertain the idea of teaching him some basic English skills, especially during this busy time.

How much time would he have?

"Ah, Dayoon..."

"Yes?"

"Do you know when FNC are coming over to bootcamp?" Hyukkyu asked. "I... I want to talk to Rekkles... But I don't think my English is good enough."

"I'm not sure actually," Dayoon responded, before pondering. "Well, I did hear from our coach that we would be scrimming them, I just don't remember when."

Hyukkyu gasped, probably a little louder than intended. "We... We are?"

"Yeah. Let me ask our coach when I get the chance, okay?"

There would be a lot to look forward to. Aside from playing vs Western teams, which was always exciting considering how vastly different their metagames could be, Hyukkyu really had a chance to speak with Martin. It made him happy, but he couldn't explain the warm sensation he felt whenever Martin came up as the subject.

Brushing it off, he reopened his league client, only to find that he was still in queue. Dissapointing.

Groaning, he moved back to the interview on Inven.

 

_**Q: It's the World Championships now! Any team that you are worried about?** _

_A: I wouldn't say worried but I would like to face certain teams. I like to play against Samsung Blue. I would like to understand how it feels to lane against him._

 

Him? Although there was no context provided in this question, Hyukkyu was pretty certain Martin was refering to him. After all, the Swede had just mentioned him a question or two ago. It brought yet another slight smile to his otherwise bored expression.

"Me too," he whispered, and sighed in relief that they wouldn't have to wait all the way until Worlds to do that. They'd be arriving here soon... sometime. Maybe in that time he could practice his English skills that had grown lackluster over the years from disuse. "Maybe we can do more than just play against each other, you know."

He skimmed over the rest of the interview, but one more comment caught his attention.

 

_**I'm going to be the European Deft.** _

 

"Then fight for it," said Hyukkyu, a little too loud this time. Dayoon turned his head awkardly at the unusual comment, amused by Hyukkyu's apparent immersion into the interview. "Could I call myself the Korean Rekkles?" He laughed at that, before finally turning his attention to his league client, where the queue had finally popped.

Closing his browser, he went into champion select, eager to improve. Perhaps tonight, he'd ask his coach and manager to teach him some basic English skills that he probably lost over the years. It would be a busy next few days for sure.

"We will meet," he said with deliberation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will focus on Rekkles' perspective! Then well. They'll be spending some more time together so I won't have to split/decide. :3


	3. Bootcamp

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> FNC arrive for bootcamping while Rekkles and Deft exchange words on Twitter and League.

**September 1st, 2016**   

Martin was, to put it bluntly, absolutely ecstatic. He had not expected Hyukkyu to really notice him or pay attention. But Hyukkyu even tweeted back at him after that quirky comment he made in his interview. Happy as he was, his teammates wouldn't stop teasing him for the past few days.  

He really was like a starstruck schoolgirl who finally got noticed by her senpai. It was both adorable and amusing at the same time.  

Bora even took it upon himself to buy him a plush alpaca, after reading that Korean fans often referred to Deft as an alpaca. Martin could see just why. The Korean's hair and expression were just so fluffy and adorable. And he might finally get a chance to meet him too.  

  

After all. They had just arrived in Seoul, Korea. A mere two weeks from worlds, and not very much time to bootcamp. But they would have to do for now.  

"Come on, when are we getting to our hotel?" Lauri asked grumpily. He didn't get much sleep during the flight, mostly due to Enrique's constant harassment of him.  And it didn't seem like it would stop any time soon.  

"You'll room with me right?" Enrique asked cheekily, playfully clinging on to the Finn, who grumbled in response.  

"Fine."   

"That’s my boy!"   

"Our ride's here!" Yelled a distant voice. The team turned to see Bora, notifying them that it was time to leave. "Let's go. I'm sure we're all tired."  

But suddenly, Martin came up with a cheeky idea. Maybe he could drop a greeting for Hyukkyu, as he had just arrived in Korea. Grinning, he took out the plush alpaca from his backpack that he made extra sure wouldn't get damaged or dirty. It would be an insult to the Korean boy.  

"Hey, can you guys wait a little?" He asked, handing his phone over to Paul, who instantly groaned. It was pretty obvious what was on the Swede's mind, but his top laner obliged.  

"Make it quick," Bora grumbled, but grinned nonetheless, trying to contain his amusement at his ADC's apparent infatuation with the Korean boy. "A little more to the right." 

And of course, Martin carefully hoisted the alpaca plushie on his shoulder, grinning widely as Paul took the picture, hands barely holding the phone steadily as he chuckled.  

"There you go, loverboy," Paul laughed, handing the phone back to the Swede, who quickly went on Twitter, alongside the photo he just took. 

 

 **@** **ssbdeft** **:** **Annyeonghaseyo** **!**  

 

Hyukkyu would find it amusing, hopefully. But now that they were in Korea, there were plenty of other priorities on their list. Scrims, solo queue, worlds. 

It would be a busy month for sure. 

 

* * *

 

When they finally arrived at the hotel, their coach and manager quickly went over their schedules and goals for the bootcamp. Martin listened intently, but a quick glance around the room told him everyone else was barely awake. Besides, there was very little that could be said that the team wasn't already aware of. They came here to win. 

But sleep was also important. 

When the meeting was adjourned, Lauri and Enrique quickly went to unpack, and snores could be heard within minutes. Only Bora remained when Martin set up his computer. 

"Already grinding solo queue?" His support asked, curious. "Or are you just eager to meet him?" 

"Was it obvious?" Martin asked, laughing. Of course it was.  

"Well. Yeah," Bora responded. "Oh by the way, you'll like this." 

That caught the Swede's attention. "Yeah?" 

"After your tweet, Reddit quickly went to work, and it seemed so did Deft," said Bora. "Check Twitter!" 

To his delight, Hyukkyu had tweeted back at him. 

 

 **@** **FnaticRekkles** **: lol, hello**  

 

"He replied!" Martin exclaimed, ecstatic. To an outsider, it must have looked amusing, if not a little silly. Taking his chances, Martin replied back: 

 

 **@** **ssbdeft** **: I really like Alpacas!**  

 

He came incredibly short of just saying "I really like you," but maybe that wasn't the best course of action, especially considering that he hadn't exactly met Hyukkyu in person. He really did like alpacas though, so the double entendre would speak for itself.

Bora shook his head in amusement, but the story didn't end there. It seemed that Samsung Blue's support also took a liking to him, as he found from reading Reddit.

"Apparently Deft changed his ign to Rekk1es. And Heart changed his to Ye11owstar!" 

That was exciting news. So the feeling was most definitely mutual. Martin grinned uncontrollably at that one. Hyukkyu really did want to meet him. Or at least Hyukkyu also respected him. Of course, despite being given an account to play on the Korean server by Riot, Martin was still quite far from Hyukkyu in terms of ranking. 

That only motivated him to go further.  

"I guess I'll grind some solo queue," said Martin, the excited expression on his face unchanging. 

"By the way, before you grind your mind out in solo queue, remember we have scrims." Bora spoke, before quickly leaving the room to unpack.  

"Yeah, yeah," Martin responded absentmindedly. It was the usual.  

"And we're scrimming against Samsung Blue in a few days," Bora yelled from his room.  

"Oh," That one caught his attention. "Alright, lets make sure to give them a good fight."  

And with that, Martin started up his league client, before quickly logging in. The Korean server was jam packed and competitive, but none of that fazed the boy. He absentmindedly fixed his runes and masteries, almost on autopilot. This was second nature to him now. 

As he went into queue, there was one more thing he remembered. To add Deft.  

"What if he doesn't..." Martin whispered, suddenly feeling nervous at that idea. It would most definitely sting if the Korean didn't add him back, but so far it seemed that Hyukkyu had no issue with him. He responded to his tweets, and even changed his ign to be named after Martin.  

To his surprise, Deft accepted his friend request instantly.

 

 _"Hi!" Martin messaged, excited._  

 _"Hello"_  

 _"I'm so excited to scrim vs you!"_  

 _"Me too"_  

 _"You think we get chance play together?"_ _Rekkles_ _typed, slowing down to make sure his English was a little easier to understand. He wasn't sure how much English Deft knew, so he didn't take any chances._  

 _"Maybe. Come Challenger. I support you with_ _Blitzcrank_ _."_  

 _Rekkles_ _grinned. He really might have a chance to play with Deft. And not against, but with. He wouldn't let that opportunity slip, not a chance._  

 _"Okay, I will."_  

 _"I go in game soon, talk later?"_  

 _Rekkles_ _nodded. "Yeah."_  

 _"Btw, you have_ _KakaoTalk_ _?"_  

 _"No, is it chat app?"_  

 _"Yes. We use in Korea. Get it. I add you."_  

 _"Okay :3"_ _Rekkles_ _smiled, and started downloading the app. Although the original language was Korean, it wasn't hard to configure the app. Feeling daring, he dropped another question._  

 _"You think we can meet?"_  

 _It was a while before Deft responded. "Maybe. I think we free Sunday? Day before draws."_  

 _"Okay! Sunday it is."_  

 

And that was the end of their first chat. It was time for Martin go in game, and there would be a lot of work to do, looking ahead. But for the first time since he started his career in the League scene, he genuinely felt excited; motivated by more than just his competitive drive to win.  

Not to mention that he would be meeting his idol in person. Just the thought of it caused his heart to skip a beat and his palms to start sweating. Even Martin was confused by it. Sure, he always thought he'd be excited to meet Hyukkyu in person, to talk to him, to observe his delicate features. But he didn't imagine that he'd be feeling so overwhelmingly nervous at the prospect too.  

"Oh... Deft..."

It reminded him of his first crush, back in high school. The very thought of it made him blush at the comparison, and he quickly shook off the feeling, absentmindedly reaching for his phone. 

Noticing that KakaoTalk was fully set up, Martin dropped one last message before he finally went in game. 

 

 _"I have_ _KakaoTalk_ _now, add after game?"_  

 _"Yes :)"_  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm stretching it a little when I give them time off together :( I know in reality it's nowhere near as simple, but I wanted an excuse to write about them together!
> 
> Next chapter :3


	4. Thinking About You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rekkles and Deft spend some time together the day before group draw shows, between hugs and Korean food, the two find it both embarassing and a warm experience together.

**September** **4** **th** **, 2016**  

Martin did not exactly get the best of sleep. He had stayed up night after night in an attempt to hit Challenger, but came so very disappointingly close, but not quite there. His teammates had taken the solo queue experience much more slowly, and it really sucked that the boy had put so many more hours into grinding solo queue but not quite reach his goal. The dream of duo queueing with his idol felt like chasing a distant star now, and he resented the fact that he couldn't solo carry hard enough. It was a blow to his confidence, and it meant that he probably wouldn't be playing with Hyukkyu anytime soon.

They would start scrimming today. Perhaps Martin should have gotten more rest in preparation for this, but his one-tracked mind had not helped him the night before. He begrudgingly got out of bed, noticing that Bora had left a long time ago. They had probably eaten breakfast without him, considering that it was common knowledge he stayed up late to grind solo queue.

Entering their scrim room, his teammates responses told him that his expression must have been frightening. There were most certainly bags under his eyes, his hair that normally looked immaculate on camera was disheveled. And most of all, he wore a perpetual frown that probably would have made babies cry. Thank god he wasn't meeting Hyukkyu today.

"Morning," he said grumpily, sitting down at the desk he spent far too many hours at these past few days. 

"You look terrible dude," said Enrique, concerned. 

"I'm fine," he responded with a sour tone. 

"Did you hit Challenger?" Asked Lauri, half aware that he probably didn't. The expression gave it away. 

"No," Martin responded, instantly. He didn't want to think about it now. "I don't really care." He lied. 

"Well, we'll be scrimming today," said their coach.  

Fnatic played the standard of three scrim blocks a day, against Korean, North American, and Chinese teams alike. Their results weren't fantastic, but also weren't too shabby. Unsurprisingly, they held a decent win rate against North American teams, but falling short to the Korean ones. There would be plenty of issues to fix, small and large alike. 

Adrenaline and tension were high in the room, and it helped Martin stop miring in regret over not hitting Challenger. That could wait.  

But there was one thing on his mind still. He had been exchanging messages with Hyukkyu daily via KakaoTalk, and found that Hyukkyu's English was none too shabby. Sure, it was broken and sometimes the vocabulary was off, but communicating with him was definitely easier than expected. 

Their dialogue mostly consisted of league-related content like champion pools and preferences, but occasionally they'd talk about their lives back when things were simpler. It amazed Martin to learn that Hyukkyu went to the same school as Faker. Likewise, Hyukkyu expressed interest in visiting Sweden one day. 

Martin smiled at that. If he had the chance to bring Hyukkyu over to Sweden, his family would go crazy over the Korean boy. But even if that were possible, it wouldn't be for a long time. 

Hyukkyu even let him refer to him by his first name. Martin had struggled with the pronunciation to no end, good thing he couldn't be heard across chat. But he was nervous to pronounce it in person. How embarassing it would have been, especially when Hyukkyu could probably pronounce Martin's name perfectly. 

And speaking of meeting in person, only three days remained. It seemed sweet that Sunday was the only day in both their weeks where they'd be doing two scrim blocks instead of three, probably because the group draw show was on the 8th and it was a Sunday. 

It was also sweet that that would be their only scheduled scrim with each other. 

After a grueling day of scrims, Martin opted to get some much needed rest instead of grinding solo queue. That could wait, especially now that hitting Challenger seemed close to impossible. Besides, he had to be well rested to face Samsung. Anything less would be a complete insult. 

Opening up KakaoTalk, he quickly dropped a message to Hyukkyu: 

 _"Three more days."_  

 _"Yes :)"_  

 _"We meet?"_  

 _"We meet"_  

And that was enough to bring a smile on his face, illuminating the otherwise exhausted and stressed expression the Swede had worn for the past few days.  

 

** September 7th, 2016  **

Hyukkyu woke up with a pleasant, excited expression. A stark contrast to the normally stoic, unexpressive face he usually bore. For one, they'd be scrimming vs Fnatic today. And then he'd have a chance to meet Martin in person. 

He'd been practicing his English for the past few days in between scrims and solo queue. While it was still shaky and needed work, he definitely felt a little more comfortable using it now. His teammates must have found it amusing, since it was rare for any Korean to pay this much attention to a Western player. Even if that Western player had insanely good looks. 

"You look excited," said Eojin as Hyukkyu walked into their scrim room. "That's a change." 

"Yeah, you're always so quiet and expressionless," Cheonju commented, amused by the change. "Is it because we're playing vs Fnatic?" 

"Was it obvious?" Hyukkyu asked, hiding his growing smile. "We're only playing two scrim blocks today, right?"  

"Yeah," confirmed Dayoon. "Why do you ask?" He shot Hyukkyu a curious look.

"I want to go out," Hyukkyu replied, but stopped short of mentioning meeting Martin.

"Wow, and without your hyungs?" Gwanhyung shook his head, a mix of disapproval and amusement. He had a good idea of what Hyukkyu was planning to do. He suppressed a grin as Hyukkyu shot him a suspicious look. 

"Well..."  

"What are you up to?" The entire team suddenly asked, curious. 

Hyukkyu blushed at the intrusion, averting his gaze and sitting down at his desk in silence. It didn't seem like his team would let it slide anytime soon, and frankly, he just wanted to get the scrims over with now.

"Guys, let him be," spoke their coach. "We have scrims now. And we're only doing two blocks today so make them count." 

As the boys launched their client on the tournament server, Hyukkyu's phone vibrated for a brief instant. Upon checking his phone, his expression lit up when he saw that it was a message from Martin. Excited, he typed back, feeling a little more confident in his usage of English now.

 

 _"We scrim soon!"_  

 _"Yes :)"_  

 _"We will win!"_  

 _"Prove it."_  

 _"If we win, you buy food for me."_  

 _Hyukkyu_ _almost burst out in laughter. His teammates watched in confusion as he typed back._  

 _"lol and we win?"_  

 _"Hmm... I hug you?"_  

 _"Okay :)."_  

 _"We meet after,"_  

 _"Yes."_  

 

Samsung's scrim against Fnatic came incredibly close at a 2-1 in favor of Samsung. They had won game three by the slimmest of margins, and found a good fight when they denied Fnatic vision of baron during a make or break moment. Fnatic had no choice but to respond, only to lose a full on teamfight, leaving Deft as the only survivor. 

It was a little alarming for most of Samsung that their match against a Western team was so incredibly close, Deft included. But at the same time, he was genuinely impressed with Rekkles' skill. Such a playstyle was definitely uncommon among Korean ADCs, and it was a refreshing experience indeed. After post-game discussions, most of his teammates either went straight to bed, or opted to play a few more games of solo queue. Hyukkyu had different plans.

Their coach decided that vod analysis would be done tommorow, after group draw shows, much to Hyukkyu's relief. But now another pressing matter was at hand. Meeting Martin. 

The Korean nervously took out his phone, grinning at the GGs that Martin had just sent a few minutes ago. It seemed fitting that Hyukkyu take the initiative here, since they were in Korea. Martin probably wouldn't be able to get around on his own. 

 

 _"Okay, I meet you_ _, where you at?"_  

 _"Oh, I was going to ask you"_  

 _"We in Korea, alright."_  

 _"Okay :)"_  

" _Btw, you good."_

_"You too, you better,"_

 

Martin shared with Hyukkyu the address of their hotel. To his surprise, it wasn't really all that far from the Samsung house, and it only took Hyukkyu 15 minutes to arrive. Martin had preemptively left his room and sat nervously in the lobby, awaiting Hyukkyu's arrival. 

When he finally arrived, the boy was unmistakable. He wore a Samsung blue shirt, but what gave him away was his trademark fluffy hair and adorable expression. Even if Martin hadn't seen pictures of him online, his uncanny resemblance to an alpaca would have given it away. 

"Hyukkyu!" Martin yelled, completely butchering the pronounciation, much to his embarassment.  

The terrible pronounciation caught the Korean boy's attention, and he instantly went over to the Swede, laughing at the blunder. He hadn't really expected Martin to pronounce it well, but the complete butchering of his name was actually a little more amusing than offensive, especially when Martin had tried so hard. "Martin!" 

"I messed up, huh," Martin muttered, still red from how awkward his pronunciation of Hyukkyu's name was. "Also in game... You won..." 

"Just Deft okay," Hyukkyu grinned. "I hungry, you too?" 

"But you won," Martin whispered, dissapointed by his performance. He was sure he could've done better. "And you were really good. Really good."

"It okay, Korean food good, no?" Deft smiled. "And I win so..." 

"Hug?" 

"Yes, hug." 

And so Martin took the boy into his arms. It wasn't a long hug, but it carried weight, and was by no means half-hearted. Hyukkyu's thin frame radiated warmth, and there was something about the sensation that was quite inexplicable. Maybe it was his calming scent. Maybe it was the way the boy's thin arms held his athletic build. Maybe it was the faint sensation of Hyukkyu's heartbeat against his own. Maybe it was all of that.  But whatever it was, it made his heart skip a beat the moment he felt the Korean's skin against his. Thank god their hug wasn't too long. Martin would've completely made it obvious just how nervous he was. 

"Wow..." He whispered, when Hyukkyu broke off the hug. His head was still swimming, and he had to give himself a couple seconds to recollect his thoughts, composure completely broken. His face was flushed and he smiled uncontrollably, much to Hyukkyu's amusement and his own embarassment.

"Martin happy," Hyukkyu smiled, apparently not quite aware of Martin's predicament. "So, food now?" 

That was enough to briefly snap the Swede out of his trance. He really was hungry, and it was nearing closing times for restaurants. His experience with Korean food was heavily limited, especially considering that he'd been eating at fast-food restaurants the past few days.  

"Sure," he responded, following the boy out of the hotel. "Is it really okay if you pay for my share?" He asked, a little too fast. 

Hyukkyu paused for a moment, trying to process the words just spoken.  

Reconizing that he probably spoke too fast, Martin reiterated, this time slower. "Uh, you pay for me, not okay?" 

"Oh," Hyukkyu finally understood what the boy meant. Paying for one meal really wasn't much of a deal for him, especially since most of his needs were taken care by the organization. He had more than enough cash for the occasional night out. "Yes, okay." 

"Alright," Martin sighed, relieved. He didn't win the scrim, so this was really out of Hyukkyu's kindness. Maybe he could one day return the favor, but spending time with Hyukkyu wasn't an opportunity he'd often get, so he swallowed his pride, and followed the boy. 

Hyukkyu knew the streets of Seoul like the back of his hand. It was actually a little surprising considering how much time he probably spent in the Samsung house, but then again, they weren't all too far from the house. His teammates probably went out occasionally too. Martin couldn't help but feel mesmerized by the way Hyukkyu walked. His graceful strides, his careful steps, everything about him felt so methodical and controlled. It was as if his playstyle in-game reflected the way the Korean conducted his everyday life. As for Hyukkyu, walking around with Martin felt a lot more natural than he initially thought, despite speaking in somewhat disjointed and broken English. The only thing was that the Swede's looks were plainly quite exotic. The streets of Seoul weren't as busy around these times, but heads turned regularly when the two of them passed by. It made them both a little uncomfortable, but they endured. Korea was a fairly homogenous nation, so Martin's presence was most definitely a new sight for many citizens. Hyukkyu even felt a sense of pride in knowing he had the opportunity to walk with someone who was plainly ridiculously attractive.

At last, they arrived at a Korean restaurant, recommended by Hyukkyu. There wasn't any English, unsurprisingly, so Martin had to rely entirely on Hyukkyu to order for him. 

"Not too spicy," said Martin, worried. Hopefully Hyukkyu wouldn't prank him. "But maybe little, okay." 

"Mild?" Hyukkyu asked.  

"Mild is fine," he responded. "Also, stew?" 

Hyukkyu had to check the meaning for that one. After quickly translating on his phone, he found the closest equivalent to stew he could find was jjigae, a local favorite. He helped Martin order his share, before ordering his own.  

While they were waiting, they mostly spoke of tomorrow.  

"Tomorrow, group draw," said Martin. 

"Yes," Hyukkyu responded. "I... Worried." 

"Why?" Martin asked, curious. Samsung Blue was one of the favorites coming into Worlds. It seemed unusual that Hyukkyu would be worried. 

"I want... Play vs you," said Hyukkyu. "But... Not groups. Later." 

Martin understood that.  

"Ah, yes..." He whispered. He shared the same sentiment. They weren't in the same pool, so there was definitely a chance they'd be in the same group. So Hyukkyu also wanted to play vs him. It would be unfortunate if they were drawn in the same group, but what could they do? 

"But... If same group... I...Both us... Go quarters?" Said Hyukkyu.

"Yes," was all Martin needed to say. "We will." 

Hyukkyu nodded, content with the promise. "Sorry, my English... Not so good..." He whispered, suddenly feeling a lot less confident. It wasn't the same as having a translating app by his side, but he had opted to avoid using it as much as possible in person.

Martin gave a reassuring smile. "It's okay. I understand you." And instantly, Hyukkyu felt relieved. He really had been practicing his English for the past few days, and was glad that it had improved to a level where they could understand one another.

The food finally arrived. It seemed that Hyukkyu had ordered a spicy stew made with tofu. Although this was supposed to be the "mild" iteration of it, Martin still found it quite spicy.  

"Spicy?" Hyukkyu laughed, as he ate his own portion without much difficulty. This was really nothing too spicy for him, as he basically grew up on it. Martin on the other hand, not so much.

"Yes, oh god," Martin responded, pouring more tea as he struggled to finish his meal, laughing awkwardly as his wiped the sweat off his face, which became increasingly flushed from the heat. "But it's good." 

That was a relief to the Korean. He wasn't sure about Martin's preferences, but hearing that his friend liked the food definitely made the experience worthwhile. If there was a next time though, he'd make sure not to order anything remotely spicy for the poor Swede.  

At last, with much effort, Martin managed to finish his portion. It was a little too spicy for him, but the taste was a pleasant experience. Martin never turned down an opportunity to try foreign food, and with his idol no less. Although he offered to pay for his portion with what little cash the organization gave him for their bootcamp, Hyukkyu insisted otherwise, so Martin begrudgingly let it be. He made Hyukkyu promise next time that he'd let Martin return the favor. 

It was pitch dark when they walked back to the hotel, and even less busy. No more curious stares would bother them. Martin took the opportunity to walk a little closer to the boy, whose very presence made him increasingly nervous when there was nothing else to keep him busy. Not that he didn't like Hyukkyu, but he undoubtedly felt a little unfulfilled just walking around with him, wanting more.

But how could he explain his feelings to the Korean boy? When he himself didn't even know what it was that plagued him. And so he just silently walked, a mixture of content with tonight's experience and food, and unhappy that he'd have to wait for more. He cursed himself for his indecisiveness, only to rationalize again and again that perhaps now wasn't the time.

Finally, they arrived back at the hotel. They both had a big day ahead of them, between the draw show, more scrims, and vod review. But the hardest part of the night it seemed, was the fact that they'd have to say goodbye.

"Well, we're here," said Martin, suddenly feeling much colder now that Hyukkyu had prepared to leave. "See you later..." 

"Yes," Hyukkyu whispered, and bid him farewell. His turning around to leave had an unexpected but profound effect on the Swede, who suddenly felt horrible at the prospect. This wasn't the last time they'd see each other, but Martin couldn't help but feel things would be a lot harder from here on out.  

"Wait, Deft.... Hyukkyu..." He yelled, reaching after the boy, coming short of grabbing his hand. It took a lot of willpower just to stop then and there. Any further and he was worried he would completely scare him off.

"Yes?" Hyukkyu asked, turning back one last time.  

"Can... Can I... Can I hug you again?" Martin blurted out, instantly beating himself up for asking such a dumb question. It felt so out of place, so odd, so random. What if Hyukkyu said no? What if he left right then and there? What if... 

"Yes," Hyukkyu nodded, a smile breaking on his otherwise expressionless face, much to Martin's immediate relief. "I want... Hug you too." 

And so they hugged for the second time that night, the warmth and sensation the first time around unchanging. In that moment, they could forget about the stress of their careers, the worries attached to the lives they both carved for themselves. Their gazes met for a brief moment when their hug ended. And for the briefest moment, Martin felt the mutual understanding between them. Hyukkyu's soft smile, slightly flushed skin mirrored his own.

But he couldn't be certain, and Hyukkyu had quickly left right after. Was he nervous too? Was he upset? What was he thinking? Martin didn't get the chance to ask, to ascertain the truth. His arms felt strangely empty, longing for more, but the man who once filled them was nowhere to be seen now.

Was Hyukkyu just nervous? Martin wouldn't find out anytime soon. Sure, he could use KakaoTalk to ask, but... That felt really superficial and unfulfilling.  

So he just dropped a short message: 

 

 _"See you later. Tonight was fun."_  

Unsurprisingly, Hyukkyu responded almost instantly. 

 _"Yes. I like very much."_  

 

Martin returned to his room, exhausted. Everyone was asleep for sure. Although his limbs felt heavy against his weight, and his eyes fluttered shut, his mind was as active as before. New thoughts had invaded his mind, as if the stress from the incoming threat of worlds wasn't enough. Hyukkyu's presence made his head swim, and however hard he tried, he couldn't purge him from his thoughts. The way he talked, his adorable expression, his thin frame against Martin's own. It was way too much, and Martin didn't even know why. 

But he could guess, and the prospect frightened him. 

That night, Martin did not sleep well.  Little did he know that he was not the only one. Not by a long shot.

* * *

 

Hyukkyu had went straight to bed the moment he came back to the Samsung house. He ignored the curious eyes that fell on him, and felt thankful that no one had asked him anything. He wanted some time alone, and his team respected that. He pulled the covers over his head, as if trying to hide himself, seclude himself from the rest of reality. Holding the alpaca plushie close, the boy breathed heavily, trying to sort out his thoughts that became increasingly convoluted by the minute.

Martin's presence had a profound effect on him, and he had never once felt this way.

Sure, he might have had a crush on a girl back in high school, but it didn't get far, especially when he devoted so much time to getting better at League of Legends. This was different. Despite worlds coming in a matter of days, he wasn't quite able to push this one man out of his thoughts.

Martin.

 


	5. Confessions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> FNC and SSB are both drawn into the group of death, so SSB and FNC no longer scrim each other. Despite this, and increasingly busy schedules, Rekkles and Deft share a heartfelt moment one last time before going to Singapore.

**September 8th, 2014**

Today was a big day for any team that made it to Worlds. The group draw show was about to air, and would allow each and every team to get a glimpse of how hard or easy their first few days at Worlds would be.

And whether or not they stood a good chance to make it to Quarters.

The entire Fnatic roster was hyphy, none of them getting much sleep. It didn't matter. Group draw shows always had the ability to revive even the most exhausted of players. Martin was the lone exception.

As usual, Bora was the first to rise, despite this time considered late by his standards. Excitedly, he went over to Martin's bed and shook him awake.

"Martin, wake up! It's almost time for the group draw show!" He yelled, frantically shaking the boy, who kept his eyes tightly shut in response. He wasn't quite awake yet, and as far as he was concerned, someone was trying to rouse him from a pleasant dream.

One involving Hyukkyu, no less.

"No..." He mumbled. "Sleepy..."

"Oh my god Martin, get up already," Bora grumbled. "Group draw show starts in a few minutes! You can dream about Deft later," he joked.

That jolted the boy awake. "Wait, what?" He muttered, face crimson from the rather offhand comment. "I... I don't dream about him," he lied. It was awkward enough as is. How could he enjoy such a... vivid dream of a boy he's seen in the flesh all but once? Barring details, it was safe to say that wasn't something the Swede was about to share with anyone.

But one thing's for certain. He wasn't done with Hyukkyu just yet.

It just seemed like that would have to wait, as Bora hastily dragged him out of bed and into the room with the big-screen TV, where everyone waited anxiously. "Fine, fine I'm coming," he muttered, and Bora finally let go.

He gave everyone a hasty greeting, before sitting down grumpily on the couch, arms crossed as he stared at the screen. They had just announced the pools, and it seemed they were about to announce the actual groups.

 

_"The third team in group C is... The number two seed from the European LCS, Fnatic!"_

 

Cheers erupted from everyone. "That's us!" Paul exclaimed.

Only Martin looked on, anxious. SSW had already been drawn into group A, and there wasn't a Korean team in group B. That meant there was a 50/50 chance that Fnatic would be facing SSB, or NJWS. "Please..."

 

_"And the final team, in group C, is the number one seed from Korea, Samsung Blue."_

 

And Martin closed his eyes in dissapointment. So it would come to this. They wouldn't be meeting each other in Semis, Finals, or even Quarters. It seemed so unfitting, but what could they do? In the end, they came to win.

And try to win they would. He reached for his phone lazily, finding that Hyukkyu was already a few steps ahead of him.

 

_"So, Singapore, you and me," Hyukkyu typed, just a mere minute ago._

_"Looks like it," Martin responded._

_"Sorry... We meet in groups..."_

_"It's okay... Let's both make it out."_

_"Yes."_

 

Martin deliberated after that. Despite the increased burden of scrims, vod review, solo queue, on top of incoming worlds stress, there were still loose ends he needed to tie up. But to do so required that Hyukkyu actually have some time off. And even for Martin, asking for time off was already a stretch.

But he had to see Hyukkyu again, at least one more time before Worlds. There was so much left unsaid, so much more he wanted to share with the boy, that he simply didn't have the chance to.

So after much deliberation, he finally asked:

 

_"I know... You'll be busy..."_

_"Yes... You too..."_

_"But... Can I see you again?"_

 

 

That didn't come out right. Not only was it highly ambigious, but it sounded ridiculously awkward.

But that didn't faze Hyukkyu.

 

_"Yes... I want... See you too."_

 

 

That was a relief for the Swede.

 

_"But... We busy. Maybe... Next week... After scrims. 20th,"_

 

Twelve days. That's how long Martin would have to wait. He groaned in dissapointment at the prospect, but knew that this was the only way. The plane to Singapore would probably leave on the 23rd. Even if they'd have time to spend together there, it wouldn't be very much.

 

_"Ah... Alright. 20th it is."_

_"Okay."_

 

Martin paused again, searching for the right words to type. Twelve days felt like an eternity for someone who needed closure. How many times had he deleted his message before finally sending it?

Far too many to count.

 

_"I... I look forward to seeing you,"_

 

It took Hyukkyu a while to respond this time, and Martin thought that it was probably due to the unfamiliar vocabulary. But how else could he say it?

 

_"Yes... Me too."_

 

And that would have to do for now. However much Martin wanted to see him, however anxious he was, he had decided to put his career first. Between scrims, between vods, between solo queue, there would only be so much time for him to chat with Hyukkyu.

But that was all he could afford.

 

** September 20th, 2016 **

It was 4 in the morning when Martin rose from his bed, a stark contrast to his support, who was completely fast asleep. If his exhausting schedule wasn't enough, his restless mind brought him over the edge. He couldn't sleep, couldn't quell the ache in his heart that only Hyukkyu seemed to be able to fill. He cursed himself for acting this way, feeling so helpless, so desperate.

"What's wrong with me," he muttered, burying his face in his sweaty palms, ragged breaths that most definitely could be heard from outside the room. It didn't make sense. None of it made sense. How could... How could he react this way to the presence of a boy he just met not too long ago? The uncanny resemblance to his first high-school crush left him numb and frozen, but this time, it was worse.

Back then he could push those thoughts out of his mind with football and league. This time was different.

No amount of gameplay distracted him from the ache in his heart, and no amount of rest could ease his mind.

Shaking his head miserably, the Swede got out of bed, and into the washroom. When the lights were on, he could recognize that he did not look good in the slightest. At least not at the moment. Bloodshot eyes, skin matted with sweat, his perfect hair completely ruined.

It felt disgusting, and even after several splashes of cold water on his face, he could still feel the heat of his flushed skin, the burning in his tired eyes. If there was one thing he could look forward to today, it was finally seeing Hyukkyu again.

Though they had exchanged messages daily, none of it felt fulfilling, satisfying. It was a means to an end, but not a worthwhile solution. When Martin returned to his room, he routinely checked his phone, finding that Hyukkyu had messaged him while he was asleep. This was unusual. Hyukkyu didn't stay up often, but it seemed the past week was an exception.

It became increasingly hard to decipher Hyukkyu's messages, and Martin wasn't sure if it was just him or something else. Perhaps it was why he had been looking forward to this day so much. Their conversations across KakaoTalk carried little weight, and it always felt as if they were both short of saying what they really wanted to say.

 

_"Today, we meet again. Uh... Do you want... Come Samsung house?"_

 

 

That was a daring move. Wouldn't it be awkward with everyone else around?

 

_"Uh... But... Everyone else."_

 

The response came instantly.

 

_"It's okay. They go out. I stay. Alone."_

" _Alright, I'll see you later then."_

_"Yes."  
_

 

And once again, Martin came so very close to saying more, wanting more. But instead he shook his head in regret, deleting the last of the words he so desperately wanted to say to Hyukkyu. He lied back down on his bed, eyes closed in defeat. Above all, his reluctance and indecisiveness had won. He was so afraid of messing things up, so afraid he'd lose Hyukkyu.

"Tonight..." He whispered. "I..."

 

* * *

"Hyukkyu, are you really sure you don't want to go out with us," Dayoon asked, annoyed. "Why not? Seungbin's coming too."

"I'm fine," Hyukkyu responded, shaking his head. His team wouldn't stop bothering him. "I'm seeing Rekkles tonight. Please let me be."

"Sigh," Eojin muttered, equally annoyed that Hyukkyu had become more withdrawn over the past few days. He didn't know what was bothering his teammate, and it didn't help the team environment, even if Hyukkyu still showed up for scrims.

Hyukkyu really wasn't sure what was so bad about it. How often would he have a chance to talk to Martin? At least when comparing that to the fact that he could hang out with his teammates pretty much any time. It seemed reasonable enough, and despite his initial reluctance, his support obliged, and let him be.

"Fine," Cheon-ju spoke, a tone contrasting his normally pleasant expression. "You better come out with us next time."

"Yeah... I will," Hyukkyu responded. His mind was clouded, and his asking for some alone time was also a self defense mechanism in that regard.

The boy finally had a few moments to recollect himself when his team left. Glancing at his phone, it was almost 7 pm. He told Martin that he'd be at the hotel by 8, knowing his teammates were going out at 7.

He needed some time alone. Unbeknownst to Martin, Hyukkyu wasn't faring much better these past few days either. And worst of all, he had to hide everything from his teammates, who became increasingly suspicious of him. As far as they understood, Hyukkyu was just a little excited with making a new friend from a different region.

But that was only the very surface of how Hyukkyu truly felt. Being an emotional player, it came as no surprise that Hyukkyu had a good grasp of how he felt. Out of everyone on Samsung, he took losses the hardest. Only this time, he wasn't dealing with the pain of losing games, but rather, the pain of uncertainty and doubt eating away at him. How would Martin feel about him? What if he didn't think the same way?

Worrying about that now wouldn't help, especially considering he was mere minutes away from meeting the Swede in person again.

With a heavy sigh, the boy left the Samsung house. He arrived a couple minutes early, but Martin was already waiting for him there. He forced a tense smile on his face, and it was met with one equally awkward. Not a good start.

It didn't help that Martin didn't offer to hug him this time either.

After a few brief exchanges, Martin agreed to go to the Samsung house with Hyukkyu. He could tell that something was quite off about the Korean. His strides weren't nearly as clean, and his eyes fluttered shut regularly. Although Martin was tired to the bone, Hyukkyu must have been exhausted.

"Hyukkyu... Are you alright?" He suddenly asked, worried.

"Yes... I'm fine..." He lied, an attempt to sound reassuring. "You don't look so good either."

And indeed he was right, despite the irony of him saying that in his current condition. "Well... Let's just go to the Samsung house first," Martin suggested. This was what they agreed on, and he had no intention of bailing on the boy now.

"Yes..."

When they finally arrived, Martin couldn't help but admire the sheer size of it. Fnatic's gaming house wasn't nearly as large, and theirs was already considered among the better ones in Europe.

"Wow..." He whispered. "It's nice."

Hyukkyu merely nodded in response, sitting down on the couch in silence. A subtle indicator that he wanted to talk, and one that Martin instantly picked up on.

"Hyukkyu..." He spoke, finally getting the pronounciation correct. It instantly caught the Korean's attention. "Is there... Something you wanted to say?" He asked, trembling in anticipation. The mood in the room had gone from awkward to stifling with that question, but it had to be asked.

Any more suspense would have killed him.

"Yes..." Hyukkyu responded, his breaths becoming shallow. "I... I think..."

"Yes?" Martin asked, quite forgetting that English wasn't Hyukkyu's native language, if the stress of the situation wasn't enough. "Hyukkyu, what is it?"

"Martin." He spoke, his voice finally finding some solid ground to stand on. "I don't... Know... I feel... I feel..."

He shook uncontrollably, never quite getting out the words he wanted to say, and Martin relented. There was no need to push the boy any further, and he hated seeing Hyukkyu like this. Not the one man he idolized. Not the one man he saw as his better.

"Hyukkyu... Please... It's okay..." He whispered, taking the boy into a gentle embrace. He let the Korean bury his face in his chest, and for once it didn't feel awkard, it didn't make him tremble. In that moment, everything felt alright, as if he was back at home. "I'm here. Just... Tell me when you're ready, okay?"

The boy trembled in his arms, but managed to choke out an "okay."

Part of Martin felt dissapointed that it seemed like this was how it would end. But it was unfair to push Hyukkyu, and so he relented. After all, Martin wasn't quite sure he could manage if he were in Hyukkyu's position. Feeling the nerves get to him again, the boy got up, before walking to the front door.

"I'm... Going out for a bit, Tell me when you're okay," said Martin. Breathing heavily, the Swede left the house, staring at the ground for what felt like an eternity. Was there any way he could reasonably explain his feelings to Hyukkyu? After what he just witnessed inside, it really didn't seem feasible. He shook his head in misery, and reached in his pocket for a pack of cigarettes that he carried around as a means to relieve stress.

It wasn't healthy by any means, but he didn't know any other way he could combat the mounting strain of such a demanding career.

He was about to light it, when he heard the door behind him open, and to his surprise, instant arms, restricting him. He couldn't light his cigarette. It jarred him, and he was left quite confused and perplexed by the events that had just transpired.

"Hyukkyu? Why...?" He asked, bewildered.

"No smoke." He responded, his tone grave and severe. "Please... No..."

Oh. Martin understood instantly. "Listen... The stress... I need..."

"No." Hyukkyu was adamant, and his breath hitched on that final no. It was such a vivid contrast to his normal shy demeanor, and Martin had simply not been expecting to see this side of him. "Bad."

But for Hyukkyu, this was the only way. How could he allow Martin to damage his health like this? To watch him hurt himself like this? He could never live it down, and had no intention of doing so now. His grip on the Swede's athletic frame tightened, so much that it started to hurt. Martin was probably stronger than him, and could have fought him off without much difficulty. But it wouldn't matter, wouldn't stop him from trying, wouldn't stop him from tearing the lighter out of his hand if he needed to.

"Hyukkyu..." Martin grimaced, but still held the lighter. He felt daring. Maybe it was Hyukkyu's sudden change in behavior. Maybe it was just that he had enough of feeling helpless, and never getting how he felt out of his system. "Can I ask... Why you care so much?" He had to be extremely careful with how he placed his words now.

"Because..." Hyukkyu started, his ragged breaths becoming shallower by the second.

But Martin had grown impatient. It wasn't even that he wanted to smoke now. He was so tired of this helplessness, this complete dependence on Hyukkyu's presence, this seemingly irrational fear of unrequited feelings. And above all, he was tired of the subtlety that dominated every message they sent, every word they spoke. He had enough.

"Listen Hyukkyu, I just want you to know..." But he didn't get to finish it, as Hyukkyu took his face into both of his hands, and in that moment, his eyes told everything he needed to say and more. And the next few words he would never, ever forget.

"Because.... I like you Martin."


	6. Fear And Compromise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rekkles has to figure a few things out before he's ready to return Hyukkyu's feelings.

Hyukkyu's confession left Martin speechless. A million of emotions ran through his mind, each indistinguishable. Relief. Joy. Fear. Shock. 

But most of all, confusion. He had spent night after night trying to reason his conflicting thoughts, only to get nowhere.  He had asked himself again and again, what if Hyukkyu didn't feel anything remotely similar to the turmoil he was dealing with? 

But he had not expected this sudden confession. The Korean, who was normally so shy and stoic outside of game, had just let his walls down. 

It may have been seconds. It may have been minutes. But the few moments between Hyukkyu's confession and Martin's next words could have been an eternity for either of them.  

"Hyukkyu..." Martin began, wide-eyed. "I... I don't..." 

And truthfully, he really wasn't sure. Up until now, he'd been bottling up the fear that perhaps he had really fallen for Hyukkyu. It frightened him to say the least. He still remembered his first high school crush so damn vividly. He remembered how he'd fantasize about her. 

He remembered his first time watching porn. 

He could not remember even once, finding men desirable. 

But here he was now, at his wit's end because of one man's presence. Hyukkyu. 

"Martin... Please," Hyukkyu whispered, reflexively gripping the Swede's Fnatic shirt. "I... Just..." 

How should he respond? How could he respond? How could he rationalize how damn badly he wanted to be with Hyukkyu, and still reason to himself that he was straight? How could any of this possibly coexist in a world where he always believed himself to like women? 

He was afraid. He was horrified.  

"Hyukkyu, I don't know if... I don't know if I..." He started, but quickly found himself biting his tongue. He knew this was so blatantly a lie, and here he was saying it anyways.  

Although Hyukkyu nodded in response, his shoulders trembled terribly.  His breaths became increasingly ragged, and Martin could most certainly see that the tears were moments from falling.  

He couldn't bear to see Hyukkyu like this. It jarred him that he could be capable of hurting someone he valued so dearly. But however much he hated it, the Swede found it impossible to reconcile that with the walls of self-denial he spent so long building up. 

And so he left. He left without a word. Without a sound. Without daring to make eye contact. It was brutal, and it was horrible. His heart ached with self-hate and regret, but his legs wouldn't listen, wouldn't stop.  

"Martin, please..." He could still hear Hyukkyu's voice faintly in the background, and however hard he tried to shut it out, it still found a way in. 

"Please... Don't... Leave..."  He choked out, before his voice became an incoherent mess.  

 

How far had Martin ran? How far until his legs finally gave up? How far until Hyukkyu's voice no longer ringed loud? Gasping heavily, he realized that in his frenzy, in the past few minutes where he had shut everything out, he had ran back to the hotel. 

But as things calmed down, as adrenaline wore off, the only thing he could feel was regret. Guilt. Self-loathing. And complete and utter anger. 

"I'm... Sorry..." He grimaced, trembling horribly, burying his face in his hands in defeat. This was so very wrong of him. Regardless of context, he should not have left Hyukkyu like that. However much he feared the very possibility that he'd fallen in love with him, this was not the way to handle it. 

And maybe there wouldn't be a second chance. 

He could hear the constant beeping of his phone, as message after message came in. How many? Ten? Twenty? How could he face Hyukkyu after what he just said? 

And so he ignored it, went back to the room, taking great care not to make eye contact with anyone. Martin couldn't face anyone in this state. Not when he couldn't even face himself. 

"Please... Forgive me..." He whispered, knowing that this was already too much to ask for. He didn't deserve forgiveness from anyone after what he just did, Hyukkyu no less.  

He hated Hyukkyu for making him feel this way, so helpless, so confused. And then he hated himself for hating the man he spent his entire career idolizing.  

Martin was a complete wreck, and of all the times to be, it had to be now. 

 

**September 21** **st** **, 2014**  

The next day felt like a completely normal day of scrims. Against all odds, Martin had forced a smile on his face, ignoring questions regarding his dramatic entrance last night. He couldn't face that right now, and to be honest, he didn't know if he'd ever be able to.  

He was terrified to look at his phone. Even as he tried to sleep, Hyukkyu had sent message after message, no doubt demanding an explanation, some kind of closure for the events that transpired. It made Martin feel terrible for ignoring him again and again, and it became clear he was running out of options. 

So when scrims ended, he asked Bora for some time to speak with him. 

"Bora, can I talk to you?" Martin asked, nervously setting aside his phone. His support was someone he knew he could count on, even if they weren't extremely close outside of the game. Bora's mature and levelheaded attitude served as a cornerstone for what kept Fnatic together, and he needed it now more than ever. 

"Yes Martin, what is it?"  

"I... I have a problem right now," he began. 

"Is it Deft?" Bora asked, seeing right through him. It really wasn't surprising. Bora knew that Martin had spent the last few days talking to Hyukkyu between games, if Martin insisting on going out alone wasn't enough of an indicator. 

But Martin didn't see it from that angle, and it caught him off guard. "How... How did you..." 

"It was obvious. And I was asked to talk to you anyways. Our coach is really concerned. You've seemed... Distant and distracted these past weeks," Bora explained.  

"Oh..." 

"Can you tell me what's wrong?"  

Martin suddenly  felt a wave of calmness wash over him. Bora was so easy to talk to, and it was just the two of them. He knew that Bora would never violate his trust. 

"I... I think I'm in love," he blurted out, crimson red. He half-expected Bora to burst out in laughter or stare at him in complete and utter confustion.  

But neither of those happened. 

"I thought so," he responded. That caught the Swede's attention. This was not in any way the response he was expecting. 

"You... You did?"  

His support nodded. His tone and expression were entirely serious. There wouldn't be any laughter, and jokes. This was the real deal. 

Over the course of several hours, Martin explained in depth everything that he felt, from sadness, to anger, to fear. None of it fazed Bora.  

But Martin's treatment of Hyukkyu did. 

"You can't leave it like this," said Bora, adamant and plainly disappointed. "Have you even looked at any of the messages he sent?" 

"No..." Martin admitted, sheepishly. He knew Bora was right.  

"No matter what you decide, you're going to have to tell him, you know that right?" Bora asked again. Technically Martin didn't have to. They'd be going back to Berlin eventually. But this was by far the responsible thing to do, and provided both parties with closure. "You understand?" 

Martin sighed. It was only after several seconds of heavy silence that he finally spoke.  

"Yes." 

"Good." 

They sat in silence for several seconds, letting Martin digest everything that had just been spoken. But Bora wasn't quite done yet. 

"One more thing Martin..."  

"All ears." 

"I'll promise to keep this between us but, to be fair to all of us, you need to be able to put your feelings aside when it counts," said Bora. No doubt in reference to worlds. "Alright?" 

"Alright," Martin nodded, exhaling.  

"Now go talk to him." 

 

It was only several hours later when Martin dared to pick up his phone. Hyukkyu had sent him message after message after message. It made Martin sick to his stomach to even imagine how the Korean must be feeling right now. When it seemed like the messages had finally ceased, there had been one more. One sent just an hour ago. 

The English was next to perfect. Hyukkyu must have spent hours on google translate. 

 

 _"Martin, I know this isn't how either of us want_ _things to end. Sorry if I was too direct last night. And sorry if my constant messaging bothered you. I think I understand how you feel, and even though it hurts, I'll learn to accept it. I just ask that we still be friends, no matter how you feel about me. Because I'm not ready to lose you, and as selfish as it is of me, I want to see you again. I want closure. And I hope you do too."_  

 

How could Hyukkyu ever think it selfish of him. Martin shook is head in disgust, not at Hyukkyu, but at himself. This was more than he could have ever asked for. Hyukkyu had offered him forgiveness without Martin even asking for it. He had reached out to Martin despite being heartbroken himself. Despite everything, he wanted to give it another shot. 

 

 _"Can I talk to you in person?"_ _Martin typed._  

It wasn't long before the response arrived.  

 _"I_ _like that. When?"_  

 

Martin couldn't wait any longer. His team might hate him for skipping vod review. And despite his promise to Bora, this really wasn't something he could put off.  

 

 _"Now?"_  

 _"Okay :) I come up now."_  

 _"Wait, you were here?"_  

 _"Yes. I was going to_ _knock. But maybe bad."_  

 _"No I'll come down. Less people."_  

 _"Okay."_  

 

When he came down, Hyukkyu was unsurprisingly already there, instantly breaking into a warm smile when he saw Martin. 

"Martin!"  

"Hello," Martin said awkwardly. He was never good at apologies, and not because he wasn't sincere, but because he never felt like anything he said would be enough. And here Hyukkyu was, without a trace of obvious sadness. For Martin's sake, he had clamped down on his sorrow. 

"Martin... I..." 

"Wait, can we... Go to the stairwell to talk?" Martin asked, aware that they were still not quite alone. His gesture of looking around was more than enough for the Korean to understand, and he nodded in assent.  

No one used the stairwell when the elevator existed. They were alone, and no one would interrupt them. There they stood, face to face for several heavy seconds. Martin hadn't really gotten a good look at Hyukku's face like this, all up close. He was beautiful.  

And Martin was in love with him. 

"First... I want... Apologize for last night," Martin began, slow and steady. His tone didn't waver, and he stared intently. "I shouldn't have left." 

"Mhm," Hyukkyu grimaced, gripping Martin's shirt at the unpleasant memory. It seemed as if though he hadn't quite gotten over last night, but who could blame him. "But I... I scared you." 

Once again, Hyukkyu always found a way to blame himself, even when none of it was his fault. "No! No you didn't... It's just... I scared myself," Martin spluttered, frantically holding the Korean's thin frame.  

"You scare... Yourself?" Hyukkyu asked, perplexed.  

"I thought... I was afraid... I had never liked another man," Martin explained, averting his gaze to the hard ground. "But when you told me you liked me, it made me realize that maybe so do I. And it scared me." 

Although Hyukkyu didn't quite understand every word, he could guess the rest. "Me too." 

That caught the Swede's attention. "You... You too?" 

"Yes," Hyukkyu continued, equally embarrassed by the revelation. "I.... Korea... Boy and boy is bad. But... I don't care." He explained, careful. He hoped Martin would understand him.  

"But do you...?" Martin asked, and stopped short of saying anything else. Hyukkyu's gaze said it all. 

"Yes. And you?"  

It wasn't a hard question to answer. He took Hyukkyu's hand and held it, not once breaking eye contact with the Korean. It made Hyukkyu blush, and he grinned uncontrollably as the tension slowly began to dissipate. Against all odds, they had reached a point of not only mutual understanding, but agreement. Feeling brave, he raised his free hand, gently stroking the Swede's face. Martin's expression lit up in an instant, and he found the will to finally answer. 

"I do," he breathed, a bright smile breaking across his face, tension subsided replaced by excitement. And he knew Hyukkyu was feeling the exact same way.

Several long seconds passed by, as those words finally reached the boy, his mind finally piecing together the fragments. Slowly but surely, he found the will to cast aside his fears, his apprehensions. His eyes widened with joy, with elation.

He had hoped for closure, some final words to let him down gently, to cushion the blow he thought would be inevitable.

This was far better than anything he had hoped for.

"사랑해" Hyukkyu whispered, shaking his head adorably. This had went a lot better than he could have dreamed. To say that he was happy was a complete understatement. So much that he completely forgot that Martin wouldn't understand Korean. 

"Hmmm, and what does that mean?" Martin laughed, but held the boy close. He could probably guess, but wanted Hyukkyu to confirm for him. 

"I love you," said Hyukkyu, giggling at that.  

"jag älskar dig också," Martin cooed, gently nuzzling the boy's fluffy hair. He couldn't remember the last time he'd spoken in Swedish. And here he was, speaking it in front of someone who most definitely didn't understand it. 

But it couldn't have felt more perfect. 

"And what... That mean?" Hyukkyu asked, smiling.  

"I love you too," Martin breathed, a soft laugh as he pulled the boy in with one swift motion. It caught Hyukkyu off guard, his palm barely steadying himself against Martin's chest. He giggled at the motion, and quickly repositioned himself to be face to face with the Swede, but not quite out of his arms.  

And yet things had suddenly become awkward once more, upon realizing just how close their faces were. It was natural, considering that things weren't so great just hours ago, and here they were, mere inches from one another.  

Martin turned crimson, blinking rapidly as Hyukkyu broke off their eye contact, laughing nervously. And in an instant, their embrace was gone, leaving two highly embarrassed boys to stare at one another in awkward, heavy silence. 

"Uh..." Martin began, breaking the silence, nervously scratching his head. "I guess... I'll see you in Singapore?" 

"Yes," Hyukkyu responded, recollecting himself. "We same flight. I think." 

That was good news.  

"Sit together?" Martin asked, winking playfully.  

"Sure," said Hyukkyu. "We sightsee in Singapore, yes?" 

"Of course." He hoped that they'd be able to. Surely he could squeeze SOME time. Tonight had gone so much better than he could have hoped for. It didn't seem like the fairytale would end here after all, and despite Hyukkyu having to leave now, he felt relief in knowing that this most certainly wouldn't be their last time talking. 

Or holding hands. Or hugging. Or anything. 

"And you... No smoke, right?" Hyukkyu asked, his face darkening with worry. 

"No... I won't," Martin replied. He wasn't sure if he'd be able to keep up his end of the agreement, but for Hyukkyu's sake he swore he'd try. "Anything for you babe."

"Heheh, Martin!" Hyukkyu laughed, throwing his arms around the Swede before finally having to say goodbye.

He had so much more to look forward to. 

 


	7. Flight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rekkles and Deft spend the flight to Singapore together, and more. Two days until worlds.

**September 23rd, 2014**  

   
The plane to Singapore left today, meaning that teams in Group C and D had only one full day to prepare before the onslaught of group stages.    
As Hyukkyu thought, Fnatic and SSB had the same flight. He had given Gwanhyung Martin's ticket. Although Gwanhyung was bemused by the request, he ultimately obliged, as getting a chance to sit next to Bora would also be an interesting endeavor.    
Six hours wasn't exactly a short flight, but it was definitely faster than going to Seoul from Berlin. All the more time to spend with Hyukkyu, Martin grinned at that prospect.   
The boy hated flying for as long as he could remember. It was a slow, arduous process, and the constant whirring of the engine made sleeping all but impossible for him. That is, until today.   
Seoul's airport was jam packed, and it took Martin ages to find Hyukkyu among the many passengers waiting to board. It seemed that no one was wearing their team jersey today, probably to minimize attention.   
At last, right before bording, Martin caught a glimpse of the Korean, straying not too far from his team. His fluffy hair and soft expression gave him away.   
"Hyukkyu!" He called out, complete perfection in his pronounciation. He had practiced over and over until it was seemless, the only obvious difference being his Swedish accent. It undoubtedly drew attention, but most importantly, got Hyukkyu's attention.   
"Martin!" His face lit up adorably as he fought his way through the crowd to get to Martin, and into his arms. It didn't feel awkward in the slightest anymore, and Martin's arms gave him a sense of security and warmth he hadn't felt before.    
This would be a nice plane flight indeed. 

* * *

  
"So... You have Gwanhyung's ticket, yes?" Hyukkyu asked, playfully dragging the Swede through to the line which rapidly shrunk as the passengers boarded the plane.   
"Of course," Martin responded, flashing his ticket which was printed in Korean. It felt really unusual, especially considering that he had no way of validating whether or not the ticket had the right seating, or even the right flight.   
But he knew he could trust Hyukkyu.    
"I... Sit with Martin!" Hyukkyu excitedly cheered, and led the Swede to their seats on the rather large and spacious plane. They were lucky enough to get a two-seat section.   
They were among the last to board, and the plane didn't waste any time in lifting off. It felt bittersweet; the safety protocol was always boring to listen to considering they heard it every single time, but it would also mean less time with Hyukkyu.   
He hadn't gotten much sleep. This was an early flight, and against his coach's orders, Martin had stayed up late to grind solo queue.    
He yawned lazily, earning giggles from the boy next to him.   
"Martin tired?" He asked.   
"Yeah," he sighed. "But at least I have you here,"   
"And I... You," Hyukkyu whispered. Feeling brave, he edged his hand close to the Swede's. The warm smile on his face gave everything away, if the action didn't already.     
"Is it... Okay?" Martin asked, looking around. Although everyone was minding their own business, Hyukkyu's words from earlier ringed loud. He knew that Korea wasn't exactly the most tolerant. "Everyone..."   
"It's okay," Hyukkyu reassured, and nudged his hand this time. "Normal. Me and Seungbin. But you... Different."    
"Different?" Martin asked, grinning. "And why's that?" He asked, poking his head closer to the Korean.   
"Because... I love you," Hyukkyu laughed, poking back, and hastily squeezing Martin's fingers, maybe a little too hard. The Swede grimaced, but responded to the pressure. He couldn't help but think about how perfectly Hyukkyu's fingers fit around his own. Hyukkyu's soft skin against his, his adorable expression when they made eye contact.    
And he had him all to himself.   
Just that he was really tired. "Phew, I hope I get to sleep when we land," he yawned again.   
"Why not sleep now?" Hyukkyu asked, perplexed.    
"Engine loud, you know?"    
"It's okay, try," Hyukkyu laughed, resting his head gently on the taller boy's shoulder. The action surprised Martin, and he wasn't sure if his heart could beat any faster than right now. A surge of nervousness and happiness washed over him, and he couldn't help but love how natural this felt.    
Looking around, it didn't seem like anyone was judging them.    
Not that it would have mattered.   
"Hyukkyu," Martin whispered, gently stroking the boy's fluffy hair down to his neck. "Okay, I'll try."   
"Mmm..." Hyukkyu moaned, cuddling closer with the boy. "Martin so warm."   
"I think it's you," he laughed, and tilted his head towards the Korean. Hyukkyu's presence drove him insane. Sometimes it made him unbelievably nervous and awkward, but right now, it might have been the most effective tranquilizer.   
He couldn't hear the roaring of the engine. He couldn't hear the indistinct chatter of nearby passengers.   
But he could feel Hyukkyu right there, right next to him. He could feel the warmth of the Korean's body, all the way down to his delicate fingers. His touch was equal parts electric and soothing.    
And in that moment, everything he hated about flying was gone.    
"I love you," he whispered, before letting his tired eyes flutter shut. 

* * *

  
   
There was a mere hour left of their flight when Martin woke up. Five hours was most definitely not something he was expecting on an airplane, and he felt revitalized and excited for what would otherwise be a long day.   
"Hyukkyu..." He whispered, turning his head to realize that the Korean too, had fallen asleep. Only that he was still asleep. Unfortunately, Hyukkyu had turned his head away to the other edge of the seat, leaving Martin feeling strangely empty. Amazingly however, Hyukkyu had held on tight to his hand.   
"So cute," Martin whispered. Hyukkyu really looked at peace. Although the Korean boy normally had a mostly expressionless look on his face, it never really seemed... Peaceful. Perhaps it was the stress of such a career. Or maybe Hyukkyu just didn't like showing his emotions so readily in public.   
But whatever it was, the difference was staggering.    
It was then that Martin realized that he hadn't eaten breakfast. It seemed that breakfast had been served while both of them were sleeping, and now he'd have to do without food for the next few hours, between touchdown and moving to the hotel.   
His stomach growled uncontrollaby, much to his dismay. But then again, Hyukkyu didn't eat either.    
Maybe they'd have time to eat together after. Martin smiled at that thought. English was an official language of Singapore, so this team, the onus would definitely be on him to guide them around. Perfect.   
Hyukkyu woke up not too much later, shifting around absentmindedly as he floated between half asleep and awake. Martin let him be, while secretly admiring just how adorable the Korean looked. Every little motion brought about a new angle from which he could observe his features. It might have even been a little creepy.    
"Martin..." Hyukkyu whispered.   
"Yes babe?" Martin cheekily asked, turning to face the boy.    
"Oh, I sleep too," he mumbled. "You sleep, so I did too."   
"It was... Nice," Martin whispered, a complete understatement. Hyukkyu was really the only reason he could even fall asleep in such uncomfortable conditions. "But... No food."   
"Yes," Hyukkyu muttered. "Skip breakfast. Sad."   
"Do you want to eat?" Martin asked, stroking the boy's face as he once more rested his head on the Swede's shoulder. "Maybe we eat in Singapore."   
"Hmm I'd like that," Hyukkyu responded through a yawn. "Martin guide this time?"   
"Of course," Martin nodded, gently nuzzling Hyukkyu's soft, fluffy hair. "I heard you and I have same hotel."   
"Oh? Good."   
"We can see each other more," Martin smiled, earning a nodd from Hyukkyu, who was still quite sleepy. That would have to wait, as touchdown was mere minutes away. 

* * *

  
"I have to go with team, talk to you later?" Martin asked, reluctantly letting go of Hyukkyu's hand as passengers left the plane.    
"Yes," Hyukkyu whispered, fighting the urge to hold onto the hand that ghosted away from his. He could wait. "I think KakaoTalk work. Tell when."   
"Okay babe," Martin nodded, and left for his team, who he could clearly see at the front of the line. With a heavy heart, he left Hyukkyu. They'd be seeing each other again soon enough, but there really wasn't much time left to spend together.    
That's why every moment counted from now on.   
"Bora, do you know how long until our ride comes?" Martin asked, plainly impatient. There would be no scrims the day of landing. That was normal. Unless they wanted to settle for scrimming challenger teams instead, there simply wouldn't be very much that they could do about it, which meant more free time. "I want to get to the hotel."   
"Calm down loverboy," Paul laughed. "You'll see your boyfriend soon enough."   
"Yeah man," Enrique joined in, amused. Martin gave Bora a disapproving stare. "Hey don't blame him, it was really obvious. We even saw you."   
"Oh, right," Martin muttered, blushing crimson. They were holding hands and cuddling in public, so he didn't have much to defend himself with. "Okay fine. But my point still stands."   
"Our ride's here," Lauri mumbled, pointing over at their manager, who hurriedly ran to the team. "Finally. I didn't get to sleep on the plane, goddamn it Enrique."   
"I do what I do best," Enrique grinned, playfully resting a hand on the Finn's hip. It made Martin slightly envious, but also gave him some devious ideas. Perhaps Singapore wasn't the best place though... Probably not indeed.    
But that wouldn't stop him from trying in private.   
"Oho, you two look happy," said Martin.    
"It's not like you won't do this to Hyukkyu the chance you get," Paul laughed, but followed their manager shortly after. "By the way, remember to use protection."   
"Zip it," the Swede muttered. That was most definitely uncalled for, despite the idea sounding plainly quite interesting. "No... No I won't... Ask him..." His stuttered, face completely flushed, and Paul burst out laughing.    
"Goddamn it Paul," Martin cursed, and ran past his top laner to avoid more harassment.   
   
The hotel wasn't too far from the airport luckily. To Martin's delight, KakaoTalk still worked in Singapore, and he made immediate use of the hotel's wifi the moment his phone could detect any signal.   
   
_"We arrive. What floor you guys?"_  
_"10, you?"_  
_"11 :) Not far."_  
_"Yay :)"_  
_"Do you have time? Go eat?"_  
_"Sure. I tell team I eat with you, okay?"_  
_"Wow, poor them."_  
_"Okay. Except... Maybe Dayoon. I think jealous heheh."_  
_"Who wouldn't be babe. I have you all to myself."_  
_"Heheh."_    
   
It was early afternoon when both teams were done unpacking. Martin had staved off his hunger, but it was quickly becoming unbearable. Luckily for him this time around, Singaporeans spoke English, so he'd have a much easier time communicating.   
The same could not be said about Hyukkyu however, so he kept close to the Swede as they walked out of the hotel.   
Although Martin had offered to hold hands with Hyukkyu, Hyukkyu had insisted otherwise. Singapore was even less tolerant than Korea. The prospect of going to prison for just holding hands made Martin upset, but he relented. It would have to do for now.   
"Sorry Martin," Hyukkyu whispered, dissapointed. "I wanted... Hold hands too."   
"It's okay," Martin said in a sour tone. "Dumb law."   
"Yes..." Hyukkyu spoke, staring at the ground as they continued walking. It seemed so unfair. If distance wasn't enough of a barrier, there had to be laws in place to further divide them. It amazed him that such a seemingly impossible relationship even had room to blossom. "But... Alone in hotel... Maybe?"   
Hyukkyu didn't provide proper context for that question. It didn't help that Paul had harassed him just an hour ago, and that was brought up front and center right then and there.   
"Oh, um," Martin stammered, crimson red. "You don't... Mean like... That right?"   
"Like?" Hyukkyu stared at him, confused.   
"Oh um. I thought you meant. Alone. Bed." Martin continued, laughing nervously at how stupid he sounded. He probably should have just lied and changed the subject. "Nevermind."   
"Martin!" Hyukkyu laughed. "So dirty."    
"S-sorry..."   
"It okay," Hyukkyu giggled. It wasn't like he had no experience with anything sexual before. It never really fazed him or created much interest. At least until now. "Maybe, heheh."   
"Think about it after we eat," Martin mumbled, finding it increasingly difficult to ignore his stomach, which growled terribly for food. "I'm starving."   
   
At last they arrived at a decent looking restaurant, moderately priced. Hyukkyu let Martin take the wheel this time around, or more accurately had to. Although he could converse in English with Martin comfortably, he couldn't say the same for a complete stranger.   
Despite the menu being written in English, Martin was wholly unfamiliar with any of the dishes being offered. Never hesitant to try foreign food, that wasn't an issue.   
Martin hadn't forgotten the last time they ate together. This time, he'd make sure that Hyukkyu didn't get a chance to pay for his share. He had the language advantage here, and he made short work of that, much to Hyukkyu's dismay.    
"No complaints," Martin ordered. "You promised to let me pay, yeah?"   
"Yes..." Hyukkyu grumbled. "Fine. Next time I pay"   
"If there is a next time," Martin whispered. "Is... Tommorow... No..."   
"After scrims," Hyukkyu nodded. "I... No solo queue, maybe we have time."   
"Ah..."   
Hyukkyu was about to speak, until a series of messages made their presence known. Reading the screen, it became clear that his team was waiting for him.    
"Samsung?" Martin asked, half expecting his team to yell at him soon too. Although there were no scrims today, that wouldn't stop their manager and coach from having team-wide discussions.    
"Yes," said Hyukkyu. "Let's go back."   
Martin nodded.   
 

* * *

  
"So here we are," Martin muttered, dissapointed that today would have to come to an end as well. Hyukkyu felt no better, but clamped down on his dismay.    
"Don't... Sad..." Hyukkyu reassured, gently nuzzling the back of the Swede's neck. "Tommorow, okay?"   
"Yes," Martin sighed, before exiting the elevator. Turning around one last time, he only caught a glimpse of Hyukkyu's face before the elevator inevitably would leave for the next floor.    
That glimpse was more than enough. His eyes told it all.    
Although it seemed that there was a limited amount of time left to spend together, they'd live these upcoming days to the fullest.   
   
 


	8. One Step Closer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rekkles and Deft spend some time together at the Singapore EXPO, the same venue they will meet as enemies in days to come. Things heat up.

** September 24st, 2014  **

One day left until worlds started for Martin and Hyukkyu. While most would be nervous and all geared for worlds, the two had other plans. For today perhaps would mark the last day they really had to spend with one another. 

 

 _"You done scrims?" Martin typed._  

 _"Yes. Just_ _vods_ _then done."_  

 _"So... See you downstairs in 30 minutes?"_  

 _"Yes :)"_  

 

Martin was relieved to finally be free. His teammates took every opportunity to tease him for his newfound relationship, much to his coach's dismay. So much for keeping it a secret between him and Bora.  

"Remember my advice!" Paul yelled, as Martin left his room.  

"Oh, do you want tips on how to properly hold hands?" Enrique chimed in, dragging a less-than-enthusiastic Lauri with him. "We can demonstrate!" 

"No, no, and no," Martin muttered. "We're not... Official. Okay. I don't... Think I'll be seeing him again..." 

That was an unfortunate prospect but it wasn't far from reality. Martin bit his tongue, blinking twice as it really hit him that they were running out of time. 

"Okay, I'm going," Martin spoke, quickly leaving. When he went down to the lobby, he found Hyukkyu already waiting for him. It never ceased to amaze Martin how punctual the Korean was. Admittedly, Hyukkyu looked quite different when he wasn't in his Samsung clothing. For today, he just wore a gray collar shirt.  

It suited him perfectly, and served as a reminder that the boy in front of him was also a person with real needs and desires, and not just a player Martin idolized. 

"Martin!" Hyukkyu greeted, walking over to the Swede, who took him into his arms. Hugging was their standard form of greeting one another now, and not once did it feel any less refreshing. "Ready?" 

"Mhm," Martin nodded, resisting the urge to hold the boy's hand once more. Maybe he really should've considered the 'offer' to bring Hyukkyu up to his room alone.  

That would have to wait. 

"Where... You want to go?" Martin asked. "Nice day today, not too warm." 

"How about... Singapore EXPO?" Hyukkyu suggested, wide-eyed. It felt odd in one regard, since this was also the stadium which they'd be playing on starting tomorrow. 

But from another perspective, they wouldn't have had the opportunity to appreciate the stadium in all its glory as a couple. Both of them were wholly unfamiliar with Singapore's roads, so a common location was a good start. 

Besides, although they were in Singapore, the EXPO center would be mostly Rioters. They could hold hands in the stadium and no one would bat an eye. 

"Okay, sounds good," Martin nodded, and let Hyukkyu lead the way. He still hadn't quite wrapped his head around the whole relationship and romance aspect between him and the Korean. It felt surreal, and it still surprised him when his teammates would, albeit jokingly, refer to them as boyfriends.  

Maybe because it felt so natural. Maybe because Hyukkyu was so kind, and so soft-spoken. Martin would never know. 

"So, you excited, tomorrow?" Hyukkyu asked, making sure not to stray too far from Martin. "We play OMG..." 

"And us LMQ," Martin nodded. "I'm a little nervous, but I think we should be okay." 

"Me too," Hyukkyu nodded. It was once again unusual that the boy expressed any semblance of nervousness, perhaps from an outsider perspective. SSB looked so strong on paper that it seemed silly for them to be worried. 

But complacency breeds failure. And Martin knew that too. 

"You'll be fine babe," Martin laughed, lightly nudging Hyukkyu, who returned the gesture. "I know you'll be." 

"You too" Hyukkyu nodded. LMQ wasn't a particularly tough opponent, at least on paper. But regardless of who FNC faced, Hyukkyu had high hopes for them. He didn't want this to end here. 

"Promise... You'll win..." Hyukkyu spoke, with a touch of assertiveness. "For... Me... For us..." He brushed against the Swede's hand, stopping in his tracks. "Please." 

Martin sighed, looking down at the ground. That was a tall order to fulfill, even though he had confidence. Only two teams could make it out of any one group. If both of them were to move on, there could be no mistakes.  

Reality could sometimes be too harsh, and Martin hated making empty promises. Especially not to Hyukkyu. "I'll... Try..." He whispered. 

Hyukkyu nodded at that, understanding Martin's plight. He also fully understood what it meant for them to be drawn into the same group. If they both made it out however, there would be a good chance that they could meet each other in semis or even the finals if they got that far. 

"Okay," Hyukkyu whispered back, and they continued their walk.  

"By the way, your English got better," Martin commented, smiling brightly. "I understand you more." 

"Really?" Hyukkyu's expression lit up. That was always nice to hear. He hadn't stopped practicing his English ever since Martin came to Korea. Nice to know it was paying off, even if his spoken English was still disjointed and fairly accented.  

"Yes," Martin nodded, and pulled the boy in close. It was probably safe to do that now, since the streets were mostly quiet, and they had arrived at the EXPO center. 

Approaching the entrance, Hyukkyu flashed his pass to security, and they let both of them in. Surprisingly, the stadium was actually quite empty. Most of the set-up was finished. Both of them had been in stadiums of even larger magnitudes, but never when it was empty. The feeling of standing in front of thousands of people felt so dramatically different from standing in front of empty rows of seats.  

With Martin by his side, Hyukkyu could only feel that this was perfect. 

"Let's look around!" Martin suddenly suggested, excited. "I don't think tommorow we can." 

"Right," Hyukkyu nodded, and followed after the Swede. He too, was curious about the venue. How something so ordinary could be transformed into something so grandiose. Between the wiring and overhead lights, it amazed him how much of the stage could actually be moved around to suit whatever need presented itself. 

"Wow..." He whispered, in marvel at the sheer complexity of the stadium. "And... This is... Player's lounge..." He pointed towards a rather large chamber, not so different from the one back at home. There were already tables set up for food, and several seats in addition to a large screen in the front. Players from every team had full access here just to relax and watch games together. Martin chuckled at that. This room was where the best of banter always seemed to occur back in Europe for him. 

But with Hyukkyu, it was a whole different dynamic. Knowing they were safe, and that he couldn't resist the urge any longer, he gently nudged at the Korean's hands, smiling softly. "Okay?" 

Hyukkyu deliberated, almost intentionally. He wanted this too. "Okay," he nodded, and took the offer. Martin's hand fit perfectly around his, and he could truly say now that he felt like they were a real couple. Here they were, technically in public, showing the kind of affection he normally would be too afraid to show. 

Martin made that all better. 

"Let's do more exploring," said Martin, excitedly leading the Korean out of the room. No doubt, he also felt the exact same way that he could finally hold Hyukkyu's hand in public. Even if no one else could see, the subtlety of a simple action made everything feel so much more real, more believable. "I want to see our scrim rooms." 

"Coach said they're... Further down," Hyukkyu motioned the boy over to the end of the long hall. "Usually they use for meetings. But different now."  

The scrim rooms were definitely smaller than the player's lounge, as it was really only intended for one team. Their rooms had already been assigned. SSB and FNC had adjacent rooms. It felt really odd how although they were opposing teams, they were separated only by a thin wall between the rooms. If someone yelled loud enough, it would definitely be heard. 

"So close," Martin smiled, his grip on the Korean's hand tightening a little. "We won't be so far away." 

"Like right now," Hyukkyu responded, leaning against the Swede affectionately. "Hmm... I think your room bigger." 

"Really?" Martin asked, bemused. It really did seem FNC's room was marginally larger. "Maybe. Hahah. Better team gets bigger rooms!" He joked, earning a light shove from the boy.  

"Ooh, Martin so cocky," Hyukkyu giggled, and dragged both of them into the FNC scrim room. The computers were already set up, along with a screen at the front for vod review or simply to watch whatever game was happening. "Beat us first." 

"You asked for it," Martin laughed, tugging at the Korean to bring him close. "Don't be sad when we win." 

"I should say... to you," Hyukkyu retorted, grinning. He leaned against the Swede, gently pressing his face against the taller boy's chest. "We both go Quarters. You promise." 

"Yes," Martin nodded, stroking Hyukkyu's hair all the way down to his neck. The sensation of the boy's bare skin against his once more caused his stomach to flip. He was so very close to the boy, and they were all alone, albeit in public.  

He really couldn't resist for much longer. Between Hyukkyu's addicting personality, his soft-spoken demeanor, his fiery touch, everything about him drove Martin insane. How would he approach Hyukkyu about this though? Maybe it would come naturally? Maybe... 

"Let's... Go back," Hyukkyu suddenly suggested, briefly snapping the boy out of his trance. They hadn't really had a good look at the stadium yet, admiring it in all its glory. "By the way... Do you want... Take picture?" 

A picture? Of them together? Martin couldn't have felt happier.  

"Y...Yes!"  

Taking a good picture with only two of them proved to be a challenge, but they managed. SSB's scrim room had just the right height of a shelf to take a good picture of both of them, much to Hyukkyu and Martin's relief. 

"Can I.... Have that picture too?" Martin asked, satisfied with the outcome. "Looks nice." 

Hyukkyu nodded, quickly sending a copy over to Martin, before once more going on Twitter. He'd been using Twitter considerably more these past days as Worlds approached. It was always nice having some playful conversations with Martin on Twitter, but they really only scratched the surface of their relationship. 

 

 **s** **sbdeft** **:** **rekkles** **:3**  

 

Martin looked so excited and happy in that photo. It would definitely be one worth keeping. 

"You... So happy," Hyukkyu laughed, cuddling close with the Swede.  

"Of course, I have you here with me," said Martin, as he led the boy out of the room. "I guess... There's one more... Stage..." 

"Yes... Big... Nice..." Hyukkyu whispered, following the boy closely as he led him to the main focus of the stadium. Completely empty, not a single soul to be found within the wide expanse.  

The two went to the closest seats they could find. Although both of them had been in stadiums as guests before, neither of them had watched a professional League of Legends game in person. It felt so unusual, being the participant normally, and never the viewer. 

But it was a position of much less stress, much less on the line. Just the need to cheer your heart out. How nice it would have been to sit down with Hyukkyu, watch some games together, in a time where they didn't have so much on the line. 

That wouldn't be possible. At least not for a very long time.  

The two sat in silence, admiring the simplicity in the beauty of being alone together. Tomorrow, the stadium would be jam packed, and both of them would be on stage. Although they weren't facing one another just yet, they were enemies from tomorrow onward. 

"So... I guess this is the last time... Before..." Martin began, his tone a little more dissapointed than intended.  

"Yes..." Hyukkyu responded, dismayed. It really felt like the fairytale was coming to an end, and soon. Perhaps this would be the last moment they could cherish together.  

The air became thick and heavy as reality dawned on both of them. They were alone, together, for probably one of the last times for a very long time. They were physically close, their hands still joined.  

But there could be more.  

It was now or never. Hyukkyu had responded to Martin's advances, if not made advances of his own. He told himself he had nothing to fear, nothing to lose, everything to gain. This was it. 

"Um... Hyukkyu?" Martin began, his face becoming increasingly flushed. His heart was hammering in his chest, so much that he was almost certain Hyukkyu could hear it, if his heavy breathing wasn't an indicator of his own. 

Hyukkyu didn't respond. Nothing but returning the same longing, wanting gaze.  

So Hyukkyu felt the same way. He just didn’t know how to express it. 

What was leading him on? What kept him going? Was it instinct? Desire? Logic? None of it seemed to make any sense. Nothing could rationalize why, or how. All he knew was that the space between them was rapidly shrinking. Wide-eyed, pupils fully dilated, he was so, so very close. Hyukkyu's gentle expression, his soft, full lips, this up close. 

That was the end of all rational thinking as Martin knew it. 

He met Hyukkyu's lips with his own for the first time, a time he would most definitely never forget. It wasn't a long kiss, chaste, testing, but fulfilling. Although it was short, he could feel and appreciate every little detail, from the shape of Hyukkyu's lips to the way he applied force, to his calming scent. Everything about Hyukkyu was so damn mesmerizing and addicting.  

He was already out of breath. Pausing, he broke off the kiss for a brief respite, one to recover the oxygen he lost seemingly instantly, and two to admire Hyukkyu's features from afar.  

The distance didn't last long, and Martin quickly pulled Hyukkyu back towards him, once more feeling the need to quell his desire for the boy. Unsurprisingly, the Korean put up no resistance, quiet content with having Martin take the lead.  

Hyukkyu didn't have any experience with kissing, so this most definitely was a little nerve-wracking for him. He was moving entirely on instinct, tilting his head, deepening the kiss, only half-aware that his hands had found their way in places he never thought they'd go. His mind told him to back off, that perhaps he crossed a line. 

But Martin didn't shudder, didn't budge, didn't show any signs that he wasn't comfortable with Hyukkyu's kiss, his touch, even as his hands migrated to more daring regions of Martin's body. 

Somewhere along the line of their many kisses and fiery touch, Martin realized that he wasn't just in love with Hyukkyu. Hyukkyu was his personal brand of heroin. His one and only. 

And he had the boy all to himself. 

   
 

 

 


	9. Set The Stage

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> FNC and SSB experience their first day at worlds, with SSB performing significantly better. Not one to let Rekkles feel down, Hyukkyu comforts him. What better than some good old-fashioned cuddling and kisses?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... This chapter and upcoming ones will briefly talk about the course of the games actually played at worlds.  
> Feedback is appreciated! I don't mind cutting this part out, but providing some context/sight into the actual gameplay is something I actually enjoy doing haha, but if its tedious/kills the mood, let me know!

September 25th, 2014 

The boy stepped into the shower stall, a mix of emotions dominating his clouded mind. He always felt a little nervous before big games, but never for someone else. For today would mark the first time he really hoped that another team would win alongside him. 

As the water fell from the showerhead, his mind began to clear. There was nothing to fear, Samsung would win. Fnatic would win. They promised, and he knew both teams intended to honor that promise. The steam rose, gently lapping at his skin, revitalizing his otherwise still-tired body. 

When the water finally stopped running, the steam coming to an end, he made sure to dry himself thoroughly before taking one last gaze into the mirror. Wiping away the layer of moisture that obscured the mirror, he could see himself clearly once again. 

His eyes told it all. In that instant, doubt and insecurity vanished, replaced by conviction, confidence, and thirst. 

They were here to win. And they would fight to the end for it. 

This meant everything to him. Their shot at finals. Their shot at worlds. Fame. Glory.  

But another motive pressed at him, something he had never quite felt before, but greatly impacted how badly he wanted to win. 

He breathed heavily, feeling the events of yesterday right then and there. He could see his gentle expression, feel those soft lips against his, feel the other boy's hands on his thigh, wishing there was more. 

Never had he ever wanted to win so damn badly.

 

* * *

 

He rose from his bed, still half-asleep, a pleasant dream interrupted no doubt by the stress of today's looming threat. His roommate was still asleep, although not for much longer. Perhaps he was the first of them to get up. 

Perhaps out of all of his teammates, he wanted this, he needed this the most. If they didn't win here, then everything would end in an instant. 

Shaking his head, the boy stretched his limbs, feeling the familiar burning sensation of fatigue, countered by the mounting levels of adrenaline that coursed through his veins. 

Entering the washroom, he washed his face, relishing in the cool sensation of water against his skin. Pausing, he could hear nothing. Nothing but the sound of water running from the tap. In that instant, his mind became clear, and the adrenaline that caused him to border panic came to an abrupt halt. A wave of calmness washed over him, and his path became clear. 

They were going to win. This wasn't where things would end.  

Looking at his phone, the memory of yesterday's events shone pristine in his mind, unadulterated and raw. He could still feel the other boy's touch, his kiss, his gentle hands, hear his charming voice. 

And his hands curled into fists, his competitive spirit reaffirmed. 

* * *

 

It was a relatively cool morning, the lineup to get into the EXPO center already extending beyond eye's reach. Fnatic was the first to arrive, and hearing the cheers of fans never failed to hype them for today's game. They definitely weren't the favourites coming into worlds, but it was nice to see that they still had the support of foreign fans behind them.  

"We still play scrims instead of watching the games?" Martin asked, unsure. This was his first time going to worlds, and although this was standard practice back in Europe, he couldn't help but wish that maybe they'd be allowed some free time in between games. He really wanted to watch Hyukkyu's game. 

"Yes," their coach confirmed. "No exceptions." 

Martin frowned, but clamped down on his dismay. They had come to win anyways, so he wasn't in any position to complain. He had the utmost faith in Hyukkyu. 

The question was whether or not they'd have a strong showing today.  

"Into the scrim room we go..." Muttered Bora, leading the rest of the team into the hall that Martin remembered fondly. The indistinct chatter of fans and crew made the environment feel so different. Just yesterday, it was him and Hyukkyu here alone. Now the stadium was packed, and from here onwards, they were enemies. 

"Hyukkyu..." He whispered, resting his hand against the all too familiar table. He could faintly remember the sensation of being pushed against the table, gently, as Hyukkyu leaned against him.  

Perhaps it would motivate him to try harder. 

Perhaps it would only be a distraction. 

 

* * *

 

Samsung Blue arrived not too much later. They would play third today, which really wasn't all that much time to prepare. They had time for maybe one scrim block and discussions. Never a team to crack under pressure, this wasn't an issue. 

Hyukkyu though, couldn't have felt more nervous, being in front of so many people at once. He spoke little, following Gwanhyung closely. His support was not only the oldest member of the team, but also someone he could confide in.  

Out of everyone on the team, he was the only one who really knew about Hyukkyu's relationship with Martin.  

"Hyukkyu, are you alright?" He asked, concerned. "You're not worried about today's game, are you?" 

"No..." He whispered, shaking his head. "There are so many people here... Even if we win... I don't want to dissapoint everyone." 

He deliberated, his thoughts inevitably shifting over to the Swede, causing his heart to hammer against his chest. He had so much to think about. 

Winning today's game, playing well in the eyes of his boyfriend, hoping Fnatic would win, not letting his team and fans down. 

"And Rekkles?" Gwanhyung asked.  

"Yes... And Rekkles," Hyukkyu confirmed.  

Gwanhyung was about to speak when their coach hastily ushered them into the hallway leading to the scrim rooms. Hyukkyu felt a pang of emotion, one he couldn't quite ascertain. Was it fear or desire? Fond memories mixed in with mounting fear, inseparable.  

He wished Martin was here with him right now. He wished he could hold his hand, hold him close, even if just for a moment.  

But he couldn't. Even as he entered the SSB room, just one room from the FNC one, it would have to wait.  

He closed his eyes, stopping in his tracks momentarily. He swore he could hear Martin's voice from behind the wall. He couldn't make out what they were saying. Not that it was any of his business anyways.  

But even hearing the familiar golden timbre caused a wave of relief to wash over him. Maybe that alone would be enough for now. 

 

 

Hyukkyu had difficulty focusing during scrims, but it didn't hamper their performance too badly considering they were playing vs a lower tier team. It made the victory feel a little empty, and he couldn't help but feel upset with his performance. The real stage was harsh and unkind, and they'd take to it very soon. 

"Hyukkyu, do you feel ready?" Dayoon asked, playfully massaging the boy's shoulders. "Don't worry about the scrim. We'll do better on stage." 

"Yeah!" Eojin cheered. He knew Hyukkyu was an emotionally-driven player. Besides helping team atmosphere, keeping a positive attitude most definitely would help Hyukkyu on a very personal level too. "We'll do fine. We have our pick and ban drafted, I think we'll do well vs OMG." 

"Mhm..." Hyukkyu merely nodded, his mind still clouded.  

"Guys, our coach is coming," Cheonju spoke, taking a look outside the room. "We're going on stage now." 

"Alright," Gwanhyung nodded, leading the team out to the hallway.  

Hyukkyu followed closely, struggling to keep a straight face. He turned his attention one last time, not to the room he just left, but the one adjacent to it. It was tightly shut, but it felt as if Martin was right there, in front of him, wishing him good luck. 

He heard a beep, and quickly took out his phone. 

 

 _"Good luck babe_." 

 

Hyukkyu smiled, although was hurriedly rushed out before he could respond. Martin's message, however small, however subtle, helped tremendously. He stepped on the stage, met by the cheers and roars of thousands of fans. 

In an instant, he felt the burning desire to win block out every thought. 

"Let's do this." 

 

Several minutes later, they were in game. SSB had a lineup of Rumble, Lee Sin, Yasuo, Kog'Maw, and Nami to OMG's lineup of Kayle, Kha'Zix, Ahri, Tristana, and Thresh. Both team compositions excelled at picks and skirmishing, so whoever played to their win condition better would win.  

Despite an early kill over to Spirit's Lee from killing Gogoing at level 1, SSB couldn't immediately utilize their lead. 7 minutes in, OMG's bot lane rotated top lane while Deft and Heart had just based, catching Spirit and Acorn off guard. Despite Spirit's attempt to stave off the 4 man tower-dive, they ended up dying 2 for nothing, followed quickly by a pick onto Heart while trying to gain vision in OMG's top side jungle. 

"It's okay, we still got this," Heart spoke, unfazed. There was no room to mire in regret, not while on stage. In addition, SSB's early game had never been their strong point. If they scaled up to teamfighting stages, they could win. If OMG failed to kill Deft's Kog'Maw, their one win condition would fall apart. 

Their mentality unbroken, SSB answered back with a pick onto Gogoing's Kayle once again while solo-farming bot lane, only for OMG to hit back even harder with a clean 5 man rotation to take out SSB's bot lane and T1 bot.  

"Cut our losses, we'll scale." 

17 minutes in, SSB were slowly, but surely scaling. This would mark the point where they overtook OMG. Gogoing's Kayle showed bot. It was a 5 vs 4 scenario, even if OMG had their mid T1 for protection, nothing would save them from SSB's explosive initiation, picking up 3 kills to nothing, barely missing out on removing OMG's T1 mid from the map.  

It was a snowball from here. SSB's lineup scaled better and had impeccable synergy this stage into the game. 34 minutes in, SSB had taken down OMG. Not the cleanest game, but one they could still be proud of. They had some issues to fix, particularly early on, but they had nothing to be ashamed of. 

Shaking OMG's hands, SSB quickly left the stage. This was their one and only game of the day, meaning they were going back to the hotel shortly after. 

Dayoon had suggested a team dinner, leading to unanimous agreement. Only Hyukkyu said otherwise. "I'm not hungry guys, I'll just stay at the hotel and practice a little." 

Frankly, that wasn't entirely the truth. FNC vs LMQ was game 5, and starting quite soon. He wanted to watch it, to see Martin in action. His hand instinctively reached into his pockets, stopping short of taking his phone out.  

Gwanhyung stared unsurprised, merely nodding. He understood well enough why, and Hyukkyu's performance today definitely earned him some right to do what he wanted, if at least for an hour. "Alright. We'll get you something on the way back." 

"Thanks hyung," Hyukkyu nodded, before parting ways with his team.  

When his team was out of sight, he finally felt comfortable in taking out his phone. 

 

 _"Good luck Martin :)"_  

 

Hopefully it would help him, as it did for Hyukkyu. Martin was no doubt setting up right now. He wouldn't be able to respond, but somehow, Hyukkyu was sure that the boy would receive it, understand it, and maybe appreciate it. 

He sighed, making his way up to his room, and turned the screen on. 

"Win... For us..." He whispered. 

 

* * *

 

"So, SSB won," said Lauri, browsing reddit. "We're up next, soon." 

"Wasn't much of a surprise," murmured Enrique, moving next to the Finn. "And us... Well LMQ is going to be a challenge." 

"To be fair, out of all the teams to play first, I'd pick them," said Paul. LMQ on paper was a weaker team, and the first game often set the stage for the rest of groups. Whether it was fan opinion, mentality, or even the actual win, this game was pretty critical. 

"Hyukkyu..." Martin whispered, scrolling down the comments on reddit. Vods of the game were already up on YouTube, and he didn't hesitate to look over it, despite the video quality being poor, endured. Unsurprisingly, Deft performed quite well that game, and despite a few minor setbacks, SSB looked dominant in their first game. It made Martin envious, proud, and happy. Now it was his turn to perform. 

"We're going on stage in 5," said Bora. "Let's win." 

"Alright," Martin nodded, glancing at his phone one last time. Hyukkyu had seen his message, but didn't reply. He frowned, and admittedly it hurt a little, even though Hyukkyu probably was busy at the time, considering how close to game time Martin had sent the message. 

Just when he was about to congratulate him anyways, Hyukkyu had sent a message back, wishing him good luck.  

"Martin?" A voice asked. Martin had lost track of time and his surroundings. It was about time to leave, and none of his teammates were in the room anymore. 

"Oh." 

He quickly followed suite, setting his phone aside. It was time to win. 

"I'll win... For us..." He whispered, taking a deep breath as the doors in front of him opened wide. 

And cheers erupted. 

 

Fnatic had a team composition of Lulu, Jarvan, Xerath, Tristana and Nami to LMQ's Rumble, Lee Sin, Yasuo, Kog'Maw, and Thresh. Both teams had scaling compositions, thus the game started out slow paced. 11 minutes in, Fnatic sweeped vision around Dragon, allowing them to not only secure it, but take down 2 members of LMQ, putting them at a significant advantage to press their lead.  

At least, that was the plan. Tristana's weak mid-game and LMQ's controlled playstyle made it tough for Fnatic to find any openings even with Jarvan, and the game elongated longer than necessary, gold differential eventually marginalized. 

28 minutes in, Rekkles showed bottom while the rest of Fnatic made an attempt to defend Top T2 against a fully stacked LMQ. Hook landed from Mor's Thresh onto Xpeke's Xerath, leading to a clean 2 kill sweep + a turret. 

Unfortunately for FNC, there was little they could do to rectify the situation, as LMQ's wave management allowed them to continue to pressure FNC and stay on the offensive in terms of seiging. Soaz' Lulu unfortunately could not be there to stave off LMQ's explosive dive 30 minutes in at Fnatic's Bot T2, followed by Bot T3.  

Fnc were down an inhibitor now, on top of a 5k gold deficit making a comeback significantly tougher.  

The collapse was inevitable. Rekkles' Tristana had maintained a perfect KDA up to this point, despite showing up late to fights, he along with Xpeke's Xerath had managed to stall out the game due to wave-clear and pushing properties.  

But not anymore. 

A slight misstep 37 minutes in, NoName's Lee Sin and XiaoWeiXiao's Yasuo found the perfect opening onto Rekkles' Tristana. Down both summoners and unable to react, Rekkles' death signified the ending of this game.  

37 minutes in, LMQ took down FNC. 

 

FNC had a few issues to work on, and that game had just proven that. 

The atmosphere was tense as the European team went back to the scrim room, no one in much of a mood to speak. But it would have to be done. They came to improve, to win, and today's game was unacceptable. 

"I don't think we utilized our lead," said Paul, dismayed. "We... had a gold advantage, but we let them scale back." 

"No I... I got caught out a few too many times," Enrique shook his head. The number of Thresh hooks landing onto him could be counted on one hand, but that was one hand too many. If it led to a kill and an objective, then it was far from acceptable. "We didn't play to our strengths either. We let them rotate before we were in position to defend a seige." 

"Well..." Martin began, breathing heavily. "Maybe... I should have rotated better. I didn't group until it was too late..." 

And he knew that there was some truth to that statement. Barring the last teamfight where he mispositioned, he had his own share of issues to work on. Tristana's weak mid-game might be a convenient excuse, but even in teamfighting he was often late, and considering Tristana constituted a significant portion of their team's damage, his tardiness was most definitely instrumental in their loss. 

"We're done for today," said their coach, equally disappointed. But nothing could be done about today's game anymore. "Let's go back. We have work to do." 

The team nodded in silence, the air still thick with disappointment. Martin in particular knew that he could have done better, that he should have played better. What would his teammates think of him? What would his fans? What would reddit? 

What would Hyukkyu? 

He grimaced at that thought. Between him and Hyukkyu, it seemed that the Korean had showed up today. It was a blow to his pride, and he wasn't sure how he could approach Hyukkyu after a relatively poor showing.  

Especially after he had promised to win. 

To his surprise, his phone beeped. Half afraid, he took out his phone, worried about what was in store for him. 

He couldn't tell if he was dismayed or relieved to see that the message was from Hyukkyu.  

 

 _"Martin, you alright? You want to talk?_ _"_  

 

The Swede sighed and quickly closing the app. He didn't really want to face Hyukkyu right now, even if the Korean had offered to talk to him first. It felt wrong to push him away at this time, but Martin wanted some alone time. Today's game was not great, and as silly as it was, he felt mortified to even think about speaking to Hyukkyu after such a performance.  

"Martin, you okay?" Bora asked, worried. "We're leaving, come." 

The boy merely nodded, trying to soften the defeated expression on his face as he left the room. 

 

* * *

 

Back in the hotel, they had maybe an hour to cool off before playing one more scrim block. Martin secretly wished for once that they could just skip it. He felt exhausted already. They weren't supposed to lose this game. They weren't supposed to show this kind of weakness on the world stage. 

Reddit had not been kind to them after their defeat, and seeing those comments about his gameplay made him a little less than thrilled. 

Lying on his bed in frustration, he received another message from Hyukkyu, this time a little more forceful. 

 

 _"Martin, can I talk to you? I know... You maybe sad but_ _tomorrow_ _we play, and I want to talk."_  

 

The boy sighed. Hyukkyu was persistent, that much was evident. No passive-aggression, no sarcasm. Martin's fears were unwarranted. It felt strange, that knowing he was wrong was actually more reassuring than if he had confirmed that he was correct.

And for the first time in a long day, the Swede could feel a smile break across his frustrated expression, as he typed back.

 

 _"After one more scrim block, okay?"_  

 _"Late... But I come down, okay? We done today."_  

 

So Hyukkyu would be coming over for a bit. That wasn't something Martin complained about at all. His coach had begrudgingly accepted the fact. He had allowed Enrique to have a girlfriend and Paul to spend time with fangirls, so it was really only fair that he extend that right to Martin, albeit to have a boyfriend. 

Besides, scrims were done at that point, so it wasn't like Martin had any other responsibilities for the day. 

 

It was 11 PM local time when he heard a knock on the door. Martin had made sure to stay close by when Hyukkyu messaged him. Opening the door, he was met with Hyukkyu's gentle arms and a warm smile.  

"Martin okay?" He asked, worried. "I saw... Inven..." 

"Ah..." Martin muttered, dismayed. "I... Play badly today." 

"It's okay..." Hyukkyu whispered, gently stroking the Swede's face. "You are still... Number one..." He leaned against the Swede, burying his face in the boy's chest. "Don't... Sad okay?" 

"Hyukkyu..." Martin whispered, taken aback by his boyfriend's actions. He guessed that it would make sense that Hyukkyu felt the need to comfort him. Martin had expected words of disappointment. But instead he got this.  

And he was so grateful for it. 

"Thank you..." He whispered back, nuzzling Hyukkyu's fluffy hair. He wasn't aware that Paul was still in the room, playing solo queue. Thank god he was in a tight situation, and couldn't spare much attention, only grinning widely when Martin stole a glance. 

"So... Do you... Want sit down?" Martin suggested.  

Hyukkyu's face lit up at the suggestion. He nodded, and Martin gently took the boy's hand, leading him to his room. They could talk on the couch in the scrim room, but he wasn't quite sure if Paul would make any more lewd comments.  

One quick glance behind him, and Paul shot a playful wink at the Swede, much to his dismay. 

"Good luck," he mouthed, smirking deviously, which Martin responded by sticking his tongue out. He could hear Paul's laughter even after he closed the door behind them, much to his dismay and Hyukkyu's amusement. Although English wasn't his native language, he most certainly could pick up on the playful exchange that was just made. 

"Soaz seems... Interesting..." Hyukkyu laughed, sitting down on the bed, holding Martin's hand down on the Swede's lap.  

Martin shared this room with Bora anyways, so there wasn't really anything they could do, despite Paul's wicked suggestions. Admittedly, he was disappointed by this fact, but it would have to do for now. Besides, they had a game tomorrow. And against Hyukkyu no less. 

"So, tommorow..." Martin began, cautious. SSB was an opponent he most definitely looked forward to facing, but also feared and respected. They were not going to be an easy team to overcome, especially Hyukkyu. It felt surreal, how deadly his boyfriend was in game, contrasted to how easy it was to talk to him in person. The Hyukkyu whose hand he held, lips he gently kissed was a totally different person compared to the Deft who played to dominate in game. 

"Yes..." Hyukkyu whispered, quiet. No doubt, he had been looking forward to this game too. They had only played one scrim block against Fnatic, and that was almost a month ago. He didn't know how they matched up against one another anymore, but most importantly didn't know how he matched up against Martin. Judging a team off of one game wasn't a good idea, and he knew better than that. He was worried for sure, but he was also excited. "I... You... Even if lose... Even if win..." He began, his voice very soft, so much that Martin struggled to hear him. 

"Nothing will change between us," Martin finished for him, gently stroking the Korean's face, staring straight into his eyes. He would never get tired of admiring Deft's gameplay, and Hyukkyu's beauty and addicting aura. "I love you, and it won't change." 

Hyukkyu nodded in assent, a slight smile breaking on his otherwise worried expression. His lips met Martin's, making sure to keep it chaste and not too deep. Despite a door separating them from the rest of the team, they weren't exactly alone, and they could hear indistinct chatter not too far from them. 

But even a short kiss felt revitalizing and thrilling, leaving Martin short of breath, face flushed, pupils fully dilated. 

"Wow..." He breathed, making quick distance as he took in Hyukkyu's beauty once more. "Never gets old." 

"Me too," Hyukkyu whispered back, pressing their foreheads together, mutual smiles as he looked into Martin's gentle teal depths. They were so close right now, but neither dared to go any further.  

Hyukkyu knew he probably wouldn't be able to control himself if anything more daring occurred. For now, he was content. 

Content, and a little tired of course. He yawned, much to Martin's amusement. To be fair, the Swede was also quite tired himself. 

"Tired?" He laughed, playfully ruffling the Korean's hair, who merely nodded back, smiling as he lied down on the soft bed, pulling the covers over his upper body.  

"Sleepy... Martin..." He yawned again, playfully dragging the Swede  down onto the bed with him. "Come sleep," he laughed, finally getting Martin to lie down, under the covers with him. 

Martin almost went into panic mode at that point. Here they were, literally in bed with one another, only that they still had all their clothes on. And the fact that Bora probably needed to sleep soon too. What if...  

"Just sleep, okay?" Hyukkyu murmured. He also knew better. There was no way they were going any further right now. 

And Martin felt relieved to hear that. "Yes," he nodded, sighing as he cuddled closely with the Korean. All his worries vanished, and he couldn't help but love how natural this felt. Even here, so close, they understood one another. 

"You're cute," he laughed, grinning at Hyukkyu, who stifled yet another yawn. "Especially when you yawn." 

"Making fun of me?" Hyukkyu frowned, playfully pushing away Martin, feigning hurt. "You're.... Beautiful." 

"Not as much as you," Martin returned, holding the boy close, feeling warmth radiating from his thin frame. "Mmm... So warm... So nice..." He murmured, tucking Hyukkyu's head in, so that he could feel him resting on his chest.  

"Martin..." Hyukkyu whispered back. He had a good feeling of Martin's body from yesterday. However out of shape Martin claimed to be, it couldn't have been by much. The Swede's athletic frame was obvious, even from a distance. 

Up front and close, it was beyond mesmerizing. And Hyukkyu had Martin all to himself. 

"So... Strong..." He laughed, turning to face the boy one last time. It was past 12. 

"Sleep?" He asked, holding the Swede close.  

"Sleep," Martin responded, gently cupping the boy's chin to get in position to kiss him one last time, before letting his tired eyes rest. It was a long, arduous day. But it couldn't possibly compare to what tomorrow would be. 

The boy he now cuddled with, held close, shared the bed with, would be his sworn enemy on stage. He exhaled, noticing that Hyukkyu had his eyes closed, sleep not far. Of course. It would be a complete and utter insult to either of them if they weren't well rested for tomorrow. 

"I love you," Martin whispered, letting his head fall gently on the Korean's.  

He wasn't sure if Hyukkyu was still awake. 

But he knew Hyukkyu felt the same way. 

 

 

 

 


	10. Reprieve

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Deft is devastated by the loss to FNC and on their coach's orders, isn't allowed to see Rekkles until they've secured group stages. But their promise holds true, as does their love.

**September 26** **th** **, 2014**  

Hyukkyu was gone when Martin woke up, unsurprising in the slightest. Hopefully their coach wouldn't be too upset, but then again, Hyukkyu already fulfilled every quota of yesterday so there really wasn't much ground to scold him on. 

Martin understood, but couldn't help but feel a little empty at that. His arms ached for Hyukkyu, and despite the bed really being meant for one person, felt very desolate now that it was just him.  

He frowned, routinely checking his phone as with every morning. Unsurprisingly, Hyukkyu sent him a message, and not too long ago. 

 

 _"I go back, sorry Martin. Missing you_ _:(_ _"_  

 

Martin smiled at that, dropping a quick message back. 

 

 _"Miss you too babe. Good luck today :)"_  

 

He exhaled, setting his phone aside to lie back down on the bed. Yesterday's memories came crashing in. How close they were, under the covers, how beautiful Hyukkyu looked when Martin stared into his eyes. They had to stop there obviously, since Martin shared the room with Bora, but Martin couldn't help but wish that wasn't the case. 

It made him blush at the thought of Hyukkyu, if Paul's constant harassment of him wasn't bad enough. He could still feel the warmth of the Korean's frame, his gentle arms around him, feel how close their hips were when he turned to kiss, to embrace. 

It also didn't help that Martin woke up with that familiar swell at the front of his pants. 

Scarlet red, face flushed, he quickly left the room to get himself ready for today. Bora was still asleep, but they had maybe a little more than an hour before they left for the studio. 

Martin couldn't spend any more time on that bed. 

 

Hyukkyu didn't get that much sleep since he opted to leave early. Although his coach had reluctantly let him out, he didn't exactly say that Hyukkyu could sleepover somewhere else.  

He opened the door sheepishly, half afraid of being scolded right then and there. To his surprise, everyone was still asleep. He didn't get a message either so it seemed he wouldn't be chewed out too hard either, if at all. 

There wasn't much time until they left. Not enough to play a game, or to really get any sleep, that's for sure. The boy entered the washroom, still half asleep. When the lights were on, he could see everything clearly again. 

Nothing had changed. They would still play their hardest, try their hardest. Martin had promised them that nothing would change about their relationship, regardless of today's results. 

He felt around his chest and back, the faint sensation of gentle arms around him still a distant memory. It was then that he noticed something else. 

A growing bruise-like mark on his neck, very faintly remembering how Martin held him tight there, felt his mouth against his skin, perhaps while he was only half-awake.  

Hyukkyu blushed fiercely, covering his neck as he quickly left the washroom. 

Hopefully it wouldn't look too obvious on stage. 

 

* * *

 

Fast forward a few hours, and it appeared that today would mirror yesterday. FNC and SSB arrived early, but perhaps only enough time for vod review and maybe a game or two of solo queue. They were the first to play.

Martin felt a mix of emotions as they left the scrim room, and on to the world stage. No doubt he would try his hardest to win this game. He just hoped that Hyukkyu wouldn't take a loss too personally, even if that was think worry about. FNC had already dropped a game yesterday, so losing another one would really spell disaster for them.  

They couldn't afford to make any mistakes. 

As he sat down, adjacent to Enrique and Bora, he caught a glimpse of Hyukkyu on the other side of the stage. He looked calm, but Martin could see through it well enough. Their gazes meeting for a brief moment, and Martin made sure to give a reassuring nod before they head into game. 

It made him happy to see Hyukkyu return the nod, and a subtle smile break on his otherwise tense expression.  

 

Despite a shakier early game, FNC managed to snowball a mid-game lead to victory.  

Enrique on Ahri played tremendously well that game, but it was a group effort that managed to secure the win. The first thing Martin felt was elation and relief. Everyone in their group had a 1-1 record, meaning it was as close as things could get. The boy jumped from his seat, ecstatic from the victory, joining his team in the liveliest group hug they had since securing their seed at Worlds. Yesterday's stifling mood had finally been lifted. 

But the second thing he felt was worry and guilt.  

He knew that Hyukkyu had a bad game. His poor performance on Kog'Maw this time around was one of the main reasons this game was lost by SSB, and no doubt Hyukkyu would feel awful about it. The loss itself was demoralizing, but it wouldn't compare to the biggest victim of today's game; his dignity. Between his identity as a top tier ADC, the mutual respect between him and Martin, the promise they intended to honor, he had dropped the ball with that performance. 

There wasn't much time to think about that as Paul quickly took the lead to shake SSB's hands. Half afraid, Martin followed suite, worried about Hyukkyu's well being. 

His fears were not without warrant. 

Hyukkyu's immediate response was a tense, forced smile. He had kept it up for long enough when Paul, Lauri and Enrique passed by. But when Martin looked into his eyes, the façade crumbled instantly. His face fell, lips puckering as he broke off eye contact, almost in fear. His breath hitched when Martin shook his hand, and Martin could swear he heard the Korean choke out an apology. 

He felt horrible that he had to do this. He wanted to hug the boy, take him in his arms, to tell him that everything was alright, that everything would be fine. 

But he couldn't. The line was moving, and sooner or later he'd be ushered off stage. With a heavy heart, he moved on, taking great care not to make eye contact with the boy who was surely broken. Martin wasn't sure if he could tolerate seeing his boyfriend like this. 

But he wanted to. This didn't provide closure, only an escape. 

At last, in his last fleeting steps off the stage, desire won over fear. Turning his head back one last time before he left the stage, he saw what he wished he never had to see. Hyukkyu looked devastated and defeated. Burying his face in his hands, his shoulders trembled terribly, and Martin could most certainly see that if he wasn't already crying, he was close. 

And all cameras were on him. To capture the moment the boy was most down. To publicize and amplify. It was brutal. It created drama, something to feed the masses at the expense of Hyukkyu's dignity.  

The Swede grimaced, looking away from the scene, almost in fear. He had honored his promise to Hyukkyu. He knew that anything less was unacceptable. 

But he never expected the victory to feel so bittersweet. Eventually, one side had to fall. 

And it looked like today, that side was SSB. 

His hands felt heavy, stained with blood that couldn't be washed off. Hyukkyu's gut-wrenching reaction tore his heart apart, and Martin couldn't believe that he felt guilty for winning. But he did. 

"I'm... Sorry..." He whispered, shaking his head in disgust at what he had to do to keep that dream alive.  

 

Against all odds, Martin had to set aside his feelings. He was called on stage not too long after for an interview by Sjokz, the European hostess.  

After a couple questions regarding the gameplay, she turned her attention to Martin's apparent "bromance" with Hyukkyu. Their twitter conversations had not gone unnoticed, be it at Riot or on Reddit. It made his heart skip a beat when she mentioned him, followed by a pang of guilt once more. Instinctively, he looked around the stadium, only to find that Hyukkyu wasn't there. 

Of course, he would be back in the scrim room. 

It also appeared that their trip around the studio hadn't gone unnoticed. They most definitely were alone when they sat down in the empty row of seats, thank god. But perhaps anywhere else, maybe someone else had been there.  

Or perhaps it was the twitter picture that gave it away. Either way, Martin was thankful no one captured their other moments together. 

Finally, the interview was done, and Martin could excuse himself. His team was most certainly waiting in the scrim room, and Game 2 wasn't far from now.

 

FNC's game vs OMG unfortunately resulted in a loss, and killed a significant amount of their excitement. They were down to a 1-2 record.

But that wasn't the primary thing that was on Martin's mind. He could still see Hyukkyu's defeated expression, still remember how he trembled terribly when he shook the boy's hand. It worried him to no end, and despite the looming threat of being eliminated from Worlds becoming more prominent, it still couldn't stifle the uneasiness of seeing his boyfriend so down.

Martin sighed, shaking OMG's hands, almost on autopilot, and once more was the last person to leave the stage.

 

Walking back into the long hallway, he stopped short of entering the FNC room. SSB's room was just next to it, and although he couldn't hear any voices, just being there spoke louder than anything ever could. Hyukkyu was no doubt behind that tightly shut door. What was he thinking? How was he feeling?  

Martin wouldn't know, and dropping a message to him probably wouldn't help. SSB still had one more game today, and perhaps it would be best to let Hyukkyu cool off a little.  

Muttering an apology, Martin finally decided to reenter the FNC room. 

He was met with a less than welcome surprise. It appeared that his teammates weren't aware that he was just outside the door. 

"Did you see Deft?" Lauri asked. "I feel bad for him." 

"Yeah... He cried and it's all over Reddit already," Enrique commented.  

"To be fair, he didn't play so well either," Paul added. "Definitely not the person Martin always idolized." 

And finally they noticed that their ADC was in the room.  

Perhaps his teammates had some right to make those comments. This wasn't Hyukkyu's best game, but it stung nonetheless, and it honestly was a little offensive to hear them say that.  

"Oh... S...Sorry..." Paul muttered, breaking off eye contact when the Swede shot him a disapproving glare. "But... What went wrong that game?" 

"Maybe he just had a bad game," Martin responded, taking care not to criticize the Korean. He knew Hyukkyu could play better. But for whatever reason, that game didn't show it.  

But Martin already promised. Nothing would change between them. He just hoped that Hyukkyu could keep his end of the promise and not take the loss too personally.  

Several stifling seconds passed by. It seemed that Martin's entrance had caught the team off guard, if his slightly exasperated expression wasn't forbidding enough. Teammates or not, Hyukkyu already had to deal with a loss on top of a massive dent to his confidence and dignity. It really wasn't fair for anyone to kick him when he was feeling low. 

"Sorry Martin," the rest of the team followed, looking at the ground in embarrassment. "Let's just go back. We have 2 games tommorow." 

"Alright," Martin nodded, his expression still tense. Once again, he was the last to leave the scrim room. There was a lot on his mind, and despite the victory, he didn't feel complete, didn't feel satisfied. He needed closure, and he needed it now. "Go to the lobby without me, I'll join you in a second." 

Maybe this was a bad idea. Maybe it would only hurt them further. 

But he had to get his point across. 

Only when his team was out of sight did he finally get up, careful steps towards the adjacent room. He could faintly hear the discussion of gameplay, but it didn't seem like they were scrimming at the time. At most they were playing solo queue. 

So he took his chances, and knocked gently, half-afraid for what was in store. 

Putting on a tense, forced smile, the door swung open, met by what appeared to be SSB's manager. His expression was... Relaxed. Or perhaps unsurprised at the very least. 

It looked as if he was expecting a visit from Martin after all.  

"Can I help you?" He asked, briefly glancing over his shoulder at someone who was entirely obscured from Martin's view. Something told him that this person was Hyukkyu. 

"Is... Hyukkyu okay?" Martin asked, the normal inhibition in how he spoke gone. Team managers had very decent English, and Martin was confident that he didn't have to slow down this time around. "I wanted to talk to him." 

The man moved uncomfortably, a potential red flag. But why? Was Hyukkyu in trouble? Or were they just trying to stave off any distractions until their final game today? 

But in his slight movement, he revealed the one person Martin could recognize from a mile away. Hyukkyu had his back turned towards Martin, and was most definitely in solo queue. Although he was wearing headphones, Martin was certain that his presence was known. 

He noticed the way the boy's frame froze up, shoulders tense as he momentarily stopped moving in game. His head hung low, seemingly forgetting that he still had a game to play. Hyukkyu still felt down from the defeat it appeared, and maybe Martin really could have picked a better time.

And in an instant, Martin's tense expression faded away, replaced by empathy and compassion.

His first instinct was to push past the man to get to Hyukkyu. Tell him that he still loved him, that he still meant everything.  

But of course, that wasn't feasible in the slightest.  

It was then that the man finally responded. Although his tone sounded kind and sincere enough, Martin could see right past its manufactured goodwill. Whatever the reason, he wouldn't be finding out anytime soon why. 

"Hyukkyu is playing solo queue right now," he responded, before stepping forward slightly; a subtle indicator that Martin wasn't entirely welcome. "Would you like to come back at a different time? I can let him know..." He spoke, but it didn't sound particularly convincing. 

Martin paused, and he had to be careful about what he said next. To be frank, he wasn't sure if what he said would be passed on to Hyukkyu. After today's loss, it wouldn't surprise him if winning was the one an only goal of SSB. 

"No it's fine... I'm just worried about him. I saw... He cried," Martin explained. "I just want him to know that if he needs anything, or just some comforting that I'm here too." 

The man's expression changed though. It wasn't conceited... Just worried. Perhaps he was just afraid that Martin had other plans. It was foolish to think that he didn't suspect anything about them. But Hyukkyu's well-being was also a pretty important factor he had to consider. 

"I'll let him know," he responded, his composure quickly returning, professional as always. "Thank you for your time."  

It worried the Swede that the manager didn't confirm whether or not he'd be able to speak to Hyukkyu, but everything pointed to the fact that it was probably time to go. Whatever the reason, it didn’t seem like Martin was finding out soon. 

The manager closed the door, and Martin could only wonder what was happening behind that thin wall. Hyukkyu's response to him there was a worrying sign, if the manager's façade didn't speak for itself. He just hoped that Hyukkyu wasn't in too much trouble. 

Perhaps he could drop a message a little later, after SSB played LMQ. 

Dismayed, he took his leave, trying to clear his mind and get his priorities straight. The still had a scrim block and a solo queue quota. He wouldn't be able to watch Hyukkyu's game, so by the time they could chat via KakaoTalk it would be late.

Sighing in defeat, he followed his team closely, the trip back to the hotel feeling slow and arduous. Martin felt exhausted after the last set of scrims. Browsing reddit, he found that SSB won. No surprise there, but what was most relieving was that Hyukkyu had recovered, managing a massive KDA on Corki. It also appeared that the manager did in fact get his message over to Hyukkyu. The Korean's interview with Sjokz revealed just that.  

Martin felt relieved, and for the first time that day, felt that it was okay to drop a message. It was late, and SSB was most definitely back at the hotel.  

 

 _"Hey, you alright? Sorry about today."_  

 _"I okay... Just sad."_  

 _"Why? You play well vs LMQ"_  

 _"But not vs you... Bad... Every charm... hook..."_  

 _"I'm sorry..."_  

 _"No... It okay. We come win.. You too.."_  

 _"Yes..." Martin felt relieved._ _Hyukkyu_ _had not taken the loss too personally._  

 _"But... Can I come see you?"_  

 

It took a long time for Hyukkyu to respond.  

 

 _"Can't. Coach said no."_  

 

So that was what today was all about. That was why the manager didn't confirm whether or not Martin would be able to speak with Hyukkyu. 

 

 _"Oh..."_  

 _"Sorry Martin... I... Want to too."_  

 

Martin deliberated for a couple hard, heavy seconds. Did this really signify the end of everything? After everything that was said and done, how close they were, this was how it had to end? 

He scowled, setting his phone aside in frustration at the prospect. He understood why, comprehended their reasoning. They had come to win, and dropping a game like that to a team they were expected to steamroll was unacceptable. 

To his surprise, Hyukkyu sent another message. 

 

 _"If... We..._ _1_ _st_ _seed, I think  okay."_  

 

Martin instantly felt relieved. That mean that if things went well for both of them tomorrow, there would still be light at the end of the tunnel. SSB had to beat OMG. As long as FNC kept up their side of the promise, they'd be poised to get out of groups together. 

 

 _"Alright. Tomorrow..."_  

 _"Yes... Sorry... Missing you too."_  

 _"I... Don't cry again..."_ _Martin typed, careful in his choice of wording. "You... Helped me when we lose yesterday... Don't... be sad, okay?"_  

 

Hyukkyu responded not too long after. 

 

 _"Yes... I just... Play so bad. I fail promise to you."_  

 _"No... You are... Still number one to me too. Don't be sad, okay?_ _"_  

 

And that would always be the truth. One bad game wouldn't change that fact. 

And neither would the million miles that separated them. 

 

 _"Thanks Martin. I happier now."_  

 

It was late. And both of them had a big day tomorrow. Groups was a grueling 4 day regimen, and Martin had to be well rested to take on OMG and LMQ. So he dropped one last message. It felt so superficial and unsatisfying to say it across KakaoTalk, but right now, that was his only course of action. 

 

 _"_ _Hyukkyu_ _... Don't forget."_  

 _"Yes?"_  

 _"I love you. And I still do."_  

 

Martin wasn't sure if he'd get a response back. He was more than happy to see that Hyukkyu wasted no time in responding. 

 

 _"I love you too Martin. Sorry... We no talk today. Sorry I made you worry. I'll... Win next time for you, so you win too."_  

 

Martin felt relieved. It wasn't the end of everything yet. 

 

 _"I'll try. Love you babe."_  

 

And he let his tired eyes rest, heavy limbs relax, as sleep took hold of him. 


	11. So Close, Yet So Far

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> FNC is dealt a crushing blow by losing to OMG, and as a result, Rekkles and Deft come to realize just how much time is running out for both of them.  
> But they are still gated by responsibility, limited by language, and inhibited by fear.

** September 27th, 2014 **

 

For Hyukkyu's sake, Martin had resolved to give this game his all. They were 1-2 walking into this day of groups, and if they lost this game, it would mean that their path out of groups would become close to impossible.

He spoke little, and for once, his mind wasn't preoccupied with seeing Hyukkyu. That could wait. They both came here to win, and that promise he intended to honour with his life. There were far more pressing matters right now. FNC vs OMG was the first game of the day, and Martin could already feel his blood boil at the prospect of playing them. They had dropped a game to OMG yesterday, and no doubt his team was fueled by that loss.

It wasn't only revenge, wasn't only a means to satisfy the ego bruised by loss. It had real meaning, be it leave groups, be it honour a promise, be it see Hyukkyu.

"Let's do this," Martin spoke, almost a growl as he left the scrim room, this time leading the charge. The adrenaline had kept him up to this point, but in an instant, all his jitters subsided, and in its place he could feel nothing but a white hot flame that spurred him to go on, to win.

 

* * *

 

"Hyukkyu, we have practice," said their coach, noticing that Hyukkyu was still on his phone. "Are you alright?"

That caught the ADC off guard. He had checked KakaoTalk restlessly, hoping that Martin might drop a message. Although it stung a little that his efforts waiting were fruitless, he could also understand Martin's perspective. This was a critical game for FNC, and he had not forgotten the promise they made to one another.

He just hoped Martin would be alright.

"Yes..." He muttered, setting his phone aside, a worried expression on his visage as he opened tournament client. "One scrim..."

"One scrim block, then vod review," his coach confirmed. "Then we go on stage. This is our only game today, so make it count. Losing to FNC made it clear that we have our issues to work on."

His casual mention of FNC had an unexpected but profound effect on the boy.

A mix of unpleasant and fond memories invaded his already confused mind, and he couldn't help but regret that there probably wasn't much more time to spend together. They had gotten so far, came so close, but the amount left unsaid, left undone was far too much.

"Hyukkyu, we're going into champion select," said Gwanhyung. When their coach was out of sight, he whispered "There's no use worrying about their game. If we win this game, we'll be in position to secure first seed, which is the conditions  to fulfill."

That was true. And it made sense. It was the one train of logic that Hyukkyu's mind could follow today.

And it was enough. "Yes..." He nodded, exhaling heavily. "Alright..."

As they went into game, Hyukkyu found a brief moment to close his eyes, relax, and pray. Pray for the best, that things didn't end here.

"Please... Win..." He whispered.

 

* * *

 

Unfortunately, not everything was a fairytale story. Not everything had a picture perfect ending.

At least, not for FNC.

One Autoattack.

One. Autoattack.

That was the difference between a win and a loss for FNC in their exhausting 70 minute game. Rekkles had tried so very hard, came so close, but it seemed that everything was coming to an end, and fast. He could only watch helplessly as OMG barely repelled their assault on their Nexus. He could only watch helplessly as OMG retook control of the game, as FNC failed to find their footing once more. He could only watch helplessly as his Nexus fell, and that all too familiar defeat sign flashed in front of his eyes.

He could only sit helplessly as he realized that FNC, him, Hyukkyu, their relationship were going to crash and burn. Hard.

"Hyukkyu..." He whispered, closing his eyes in defeat as the crowd roared, but not for them. Not for Fnatic. He could still see that defeat sign, still see his nexus blow up, still see every little mistake that may have cost them the game.

"I'm sorry..."

He felt utterly crushed. No other loss even came close to how demoralizing this one was. They were 1-3 now. To get out of groups, they had to beat LMQ and SSB again. And even then, it required OMG to lose to LMQ, which wasn't something he could influence. And if that wasn't enough, they'd have to beat LMQ in a tiebreaker for second seed.

In short, his trip to worlds, his time with Hyukkyu was most definitely coming to an end.

And in an instant, he knew all cameras were on him. He saw this with Hyukkyu yesterday, and knew that he would be subject to the same harsh treatment. Anyone could tell he was crying. Between his buried face, trembling shoulders, hitched breaths, this was going public, and he couldn't do anything about it.

It was uncomfortable enough to cry in front of his teammates, even if they would never judge him.

But in front of millions of fans, it was mortifying. Humiliating. In a vacuum, outside of context, it was cruel. To publicize and abuse a person's despair and struggle for the sake of generating drama.

He knew. He knew how bad Hyukkyu felt yesterday, but experiencing in person was a whole different story.

"Is this how... Hyukkyu... felt?" His mind was a mess. There was so much that plagued him right now, but if there was one thing that rose from the ashes, above everything else, it was how badly he wanted to win. If he won, as long as he won, he'd still have a shot, a chance to go further.

A chance to make the fantasy a reality between him and Hyukkyu.

This was not their last game today. Sooner or later, he'd have to leave the stage. He'd have to put on a straight face for everyone, even if it hurt.

He'd have to win.

 

* * *

 

Against all odds, Hyukkyu had managed to set aside his worries, if at least for just a moment. They won their scrim decisively, and this wasn’t a lower tier team either. Hopefully the cracks in their armour had been resealed.

But a new matter pressed at him. He had not been able to watch FNC vs OMG. He went on Inven, almost afraid to find out the results.

What he got was even worse.

Inven was quick. Quicker than Reddit. Martin’s emotional breakdown was trending, and fast.

Hyukkyu felt horrible. Martin was definitely going into Game 2 right now, and everything, he couldn’t be there for Martin right now. He couldn’t be there for Martin when he needed him. He couldn’t comfort him coming into their next game.

His face fell, and for once, everything was clear. His coach’s orders were loud and clear, but he didn’t hear them, didn’t care. They finished their scrim. They finished vod review. Orders or not, he didn’t care anymore.

The boy left the scrim room without a word, poised to run. It didn’t occur to him that FNC’s scrim room were right next to them. Nor did it occur to him that FNC were most definitely on stage right now.

He breathed heavily, reality catching up to fantasy. A brief look at his phone, and he saw that there was still no message. There wasn’t anything that could be done right now, besides wait. Wait, and pray for the best.

“Martin…” He breathed, gripping the edge of the door frame, eyes wide with worry. His face twisted with fear, and he clutched at his chest, feeling the constant thumping of his heart grind against his chest, so much so that it hurt.

“Please… Win…” He choked out, shaking his head in pain.

 

* * *

 

FNC had recollected themselves to some degree, with Rekkles carrying that game with an enormous KDA on Vayne. It seemed that things weren’t coming to an end just yet. By beating LMQ, they were now 2-3, and despite all odds being against them, things looked better than they were a few hours ago.

Vitality was restored to the whole of FNC. By beating LMQ, they had not only salvaged their shot at leaving groups, but in doing so also vindicated themselves of their loss to LMQ earlier. The team atmosphere had an immediate improvement, no longer stifling, no longer heavy.

“Great game guys,” Enrique cheered, the usual expressive grin on his face restored. “We’re still in this, stay focused.”

Despite those words, Martin knew, and everyone knew that FNC’s shot at leaving groups was still difficult. Everyone knew what the conditions were.

But there was no use in dwelling over that. If there was still a chance, then they’d fight for it.

And for the first time today, a slight smile broke on the Swede’s otherwise exhausted expression. They were done for the day. They could go back, recuperate themselves for their final match in groups.

A rematch with SSB.

And of course, there wasn’t a SSB without Deft. Without Hyukkyu. In an instant, the Swede’s thoughts turned towards his boyfriend. SSB’s game against LMQ was a mere 2 hours away. As much as Martin wanted to talk to Hyukkyu, if only for a brief moment, he swore he’d let the Korean take care of his priorities first.

But luckily for him, he didn’t have to.

A gentle, almost sheepish knock on the door could be heard. The entire team turned their heads to see their manager open the door, and to Martin’s immediate relief and joy, it was Hyukkyu.

Their gazes met for a brief instant, and despite everything that had transpired today, just the very presence of Hyukkyu, knowing that he cared brought a new meaning to suffering for Martin. For Hyukkyu’s sake, he'd fought this hard for so long, fought an uphill battle with victory nowhere in sight.

And he wasn’t about to quit anytime soon.

“Yes?” Their manager asked, making sure to use simple English to communicate, although like everyone else in the room, he had a good idea of what Hyukkyu wanted.

“I just… Want speak… To Martin,” Hyukkyu explained sheepishly. He wasn’t comfortable using English around anyone but his coaches and Martin, but he had to make an exception to the rule this time around. “He help me… Now I want… Help him too.”

His accented English was adorable here, and frankly, he got his point across. The manager turned to look at Martin, an approving nod told him that he was in the clear.

Martin nodded back, a smile breaking on his face as he felt liberated from darkness, from suffering, if for just a moment.

The door behind him swung shut, and Martin found himself once more in Hyukkyu’s arms. He heard Hyukkyu breath several heavy sighs, no doubt in relief. Martin wasn’t broken. At least, not nearly as broken as what Inven showed him.

“M…Martin…” He choked, almost in tears himself. There was so much he wanted to say, so many things he wanted to do. But he couldn’t. The words he wanted to say wouldn’t come out. And if they did, they’d surely be in Korean.

“Hyukkyu…” Martin whispered back, affectionately kissing the boy’s hair. “Don’t cry… I’m okay…”

“I…Sorry…” He continued, burying his face in the taller boy’s chest, tightly gripping onto his Fnatic jersey. “You… Help me… But I couldn’t...”

Of course, as Martin had feared, his emotional breakdown on stage would be everywhere, be it Reddit or Inven or Twitter. It wasn’t a pleasant feeling in the slightest, to have your despair caught on camera and brought to light.

But if there was one thing he gained out of it, it was Hyukkyu.

“It’s alright,” Martin cooed, patting the boy on the back. “We… Weren’t good enough. But we won vs LMQ. We still have chance.”

Only after several heavy breaths did Hyukkyu manage to nod. “I just… So scared… Losing you…” He grimaced, shaking his head in dismay. “So little time … So much… I want say…”

And that confession hit too close to home. No doubt Martin felt the same way, realizing that unless everything went perfectly for them, they were really reaching the end of a journey they had just started. He stood in silence, blinking several times while trying to find the right words to speak, but never quite finding them.

But for now, he was content with just having Hyukkyu in his arms. The boy’s presence in itself was a tranquilizer, and slowly but surely, he could feel calmness return to him.

Suffice to say, Martin was also the one to break the silence.

“Hyukkyu… Listen…” He began, staring into the boy’s gentle eyes. “I said nothing would change between us…”

Hyukkyu nodded. He understood that much, if Martin’s gentle grip on his hand didn’t speak his mind for him.

“And it won’t,” he continued, gently stroking the boy’s face. There was no one else in the hallway. SSB and FNC were just one thin wall away from seeing everything.

But that didn’t matter. It didn’t even cross his mind.

“I love you Hyukkyu,” said Martin. Those words had never been more true. “So much. So… Don’t cry… Don’t feel bad…”

He paused, exhaling sharply.

“Because I can’t see you like this. It hurts me so much to see you cry, and it kills me every single time,” Martin breathed, confessions unspoken. “So… For me… Look ahead.”

There was no way Hyukkyu caught all of that. But he had a good idea. He felt the grip on his hand tighten as Martin spoke his final word, and after several heavy seconds, he finally responded.

“Yes…”

“Everything will be okay,” Martin spoke, a reassuring tone for something beyond his control. Hopefully it would be enough for now.

Hyukkyu nodded in assent, but worry still blanketed his face. He knew as well as Martin what FNC had to do if they wanted to leave groups.

He couldn’t let FNC win vs them for free either. It would be a complete and utter insult to everything both of them stood for.

Martin would never allow that.

It was a conflict of interest if he knew one.

Exhaling, he broke off the embrace, almost unknowingly as reality dawned on him. Fortunately, he didn’t have much time to collect his thoughts. No doubt Martin had picked up on his uneasiness.

“Um Hyukkyu…” He began, a little awkward, a stark contrast to how comfortable speaking with Hyukkyu normally sounded. “At least… We could trade hoodies. I mean… Even if we lose… I’ll always have a part of you.”

That sounded exceptionally cheesy, and it made Martin blush at how awkward he must have sounded.

But Hyukkyu wasn’t fazed. Just seeing his adorable expression light up at the suggestion was enough of a reward for him. He couldn’t bear to see Hyukkyu so distraught over him. This, for now, could do.

“Y…Yes!” Hyukkyu nodded, before quickly entering his scrim room to retrieve his hoodie. When he came back out, Martin already had his with him.

Grinning at the prospect, he handed the hoodie over to the Swede, and in return received the larger FNC one. It would be a little baggy on Hyukkyu. He probably wouldn’t wear it, at least not in public.

He could faintly recognize Martin’s scent in the hoodie. It was intoxicating, and revitalizing. He knew where this came from.

His thoughts undoubtedly brought him back to that night. How close they were. He could feel Martin’s hips brush against his, feel the flame of Martin’s touch, his kiss, and of course, take in the boy’s scent, a mix of dazing and relaxing. How he wished they could have been alone together, for a little longer.

He suddenly felt dizzy, vision blurring for a brief moment. If it wasn’t for Martin’s steadying arms around him, he definitely would’ve stumbled.

“You alright?” Martin laughed, happily taking the boy’s Samsung hoodie. “I know I smell nice, but still.” He joked.

“More than smell nice,” Hyukkyu nodded, grinning as he steadied himself back on his feet. “So… Warm… So… Nice…” He breathed.

Martin wasn’t sure if he was talking about the hoodie, or if it had more to do with the fact that Hyukkyu was leaning against him.

Probably both.

Could he wait any longer? They had so little time left. All SSB had to really do was win tonight’s game, then…

“Hyukkyu…” Martin began, but was cut off by the sound of incoming footsteps.

Hyukkyu picked up on it too, and wasted no time in straightening up, reluctantly letting go of the Swede.

He recognized the person who walked into the hall. She was a reporter for OGN.

Susie Kim.

Unsurprisingly, she wanted to do an interview with both of them, which Martin happily obliged to. Susie Kim asked several questions regarding their “bromance”, probably for both fan appeal as well as her own satisfaction, on top of several other questions related to their gameplay.

Martin nodded at that, playing around the term, careful not to reveal too much. Despite everything, he didn’t feel ready or comfortable with talking about their romance. This interview however, marked the first time Martin heard Hyukkyu speak Korean in person.

Although Martin really enjoyed hearing Hyukkyu speak in his adorable accented, disjointed English, he couldn’t help but be amazed at the fluidity of how the boy spoke his native tongue. How he wished he could understand Korean. The language barrier between them had proven to be less of an issue than he had expected, but it really sucked to think about how much had to be left unsaid because of it.

At Susie Kim’s request, the two shared a hug at the end of the interview. It wasn’t by any means their first hug, although doing it on camera definitely felt a little unusual, considering that both of them considered one another as their boyfriend.

It felt awkward to play around the “bromance” factor, when in reality they were in love, but it had to do for now. Hyukkyu would never turn down a hug from Martin, and despite it being a request on Susie Kim’s behalf, the warm, fuzzy sensation from Martin’s gentle arms would never change, never falter.

It was almost time for SSB’s game vs LMQ when she thanked them for their time. In fact, Gwanhyung actually left the scrim room to tell Hyukkyu to come back in, which he sheepishly obliged, dropping a hasty farewell to Martin, probably in fear of being chewed out.

Martin understood that much, clamping down on his dismay. His gaze met Gwanhyung’s for a brief moment. There was no hostility in the SSB’s support’s eyes. Just understanding. The Korean nodded with a subtle smile, almost as if in approval of Martin.

That was a relief. Martin returned the gesture, before returning to the FNC room.

He was feeling brave. Or maybe it was just the fact that time was against them.

Either way, it didn’t matter.

 

_“Do you want to come down to our room later?” Martin typed._

He knew that SSB hadn’t exactly secured first seed yet, even if they won today’s game. Maybe this request would only get Hyukkyu into trouble.

But for some reason, that didn’t seem like it was going to happen. He was surprised when the response came instantly.

 

_“Yes : ) If… We win… I think okay.”_

That was a relief. Yet another smile broke on his otherwise exhausted face.

 

_“Okay : ) I cheer for you. Good luck babe”_

* * *

 

It was late when Martin heard a knock on the hotel door. Hyukkyu had not alerted him ahead of time, so he was actually quite surprised when Hyukkyu came, around 8 PM. There was no barrier, no inhibition.

Very different from the Hyukkyu who knocked sheepishly on the scrim room door today.

“Martin!” Hyukkyu grinned, happily taking the Swede in his arms. “Coach said okay. But probably I no stay long,” he explained, a little dismayed.

But at least they had a little more time before tomorrow’s game.

That alone, was a priceless gift.

“That’s okay,” Martin cooed, planting several affectionate kisses on the boy’s fluffy hair. He wore the SSB hoodie that Hyukkyu had given him earlier, and despite it being a little tight, it felt perfect.

He was more than thrilled to see that Hyukkyu was also wearing his FNC hoodie.

“Looks good on you,” Martin grinned, gently leading the boy to the empty couch. In fact, it was probably empty because his team let it be. From an outsider perspective, the rest of FNC probably shipped them anyways. “A little big?”

“It… Perfect,” Hyukkyu nodded, taking advantage of the extra space to sit extra comfortably, cuddling with Martin on the rather large sofa.

It couldn’t have felt more perfect, more safe. Between the Swede’s broad frame, gentle arms, radiating warmth, intoxicating scent, everything felt like home, a safe haven.

For now, they could set aside their worries for tomorrow. For now, it was just about the two of them.

Martin had asked Bora to leave the room to the two of them for a little, without really explaining why. Bora, despite being somewhat perturbed, was more bemused if anything by that request. In fact, Martin didn’t even know what was going to happen in that room tonight. He had no plans, nothing concrete.

But he had a good idea.

They had already shared the bed together, albeit with all their clothes.

Perhaps…

“Martin… So… Warm…” Hyukkyu murmured, gently leaning against the boy, his head comfortably set on the taller’s shoulder. “Such… Nice… Body…”

That was unexpected. Hyukkyu had complimented his looks, both in public and private. Mostly his face. He remembered fondly how Hyukkyu had cheekily said that Martin looked better than Draco Malfoy.

He cheekily remembered offering a kiss, but only if he was a girl.

Of course, that could not be further from the truth.

“You said… I better looking… Than Draco Malfoy,” Martin began, a growing smile on his slightly devious expression. “To Susie Kim.”

“Mhm…” Hyukkyu nodded, turning to face the Swede. Soft, brown depths beholding Martin’s own green ones. “And you say… Kiss me if I… Girl?”

“But of course, I already did,” Martin grinned, and took the opportunity to stroke the boy’s face, bringing him even closer so he could press their lips together.

Like all of their chain of kisses, the first was never too deep, never too long. It was chaste, but for some reason it always felt fulfilling, always felt satisfying.

But… Perhaps there could be more. Martin would be lying to himself if he said that he didn’t want more, even if this was satisfying enough in its own regard.

Except that, they weren’t alone in the scrim room.

Obviously, for both Martin and their own sake, the rest of his team feigned inattention, but it would definitely still be a little disrespectful to go any further.

That much Martin understood.

“Martin…” Hyukkyu cooed, breaking off the kiss into a soft giggle. “Such… Nice lips…”

He breathed heavily, dazed from their encounter. One look into his eyes, and Martin could see that his pupils were fully dilated, his face completely flushed.

He recognized the signs, saw them reflected in the boy, if his heavy breathing, daring hands weren’t an indicator of their own. They were young, energized.

How much time did they devote to playing League? What had they given up for it?

“Hyukkyu…” Martin whispered, heart hammering away at his chest. There was no easy way to say this, even if he was certain the feeling was mutual. Suffice to say, he never had any experience.

Everything with Hyukkyu was a first.

“M…Martin…” The boy whispered back. He too, was at a loss for words. It most definitely didn’t help that English only served to confuse him further. Perhaps if they were speaking Korean, he could have gotten his point across.

But love was a universal language.

So when Martin edged even closer to him, a sly hand creeping up his thigh, Hyukkyu knew immediately what he wanted. What they both wanted.

“Do… Do you?” Martin asked, innocent enough. He was really taking his chances with this one, but for once he felt no inhibition, no fear.

It wasn’t that he didn’t consider Hyukkyu’s feelings. He was just so certain that Hyukkyu undoubtedly felt the same way. Now he just wanted verification.

Hyukkyu knew the answer to that one. Knew it before he popped the question.

But…

“M…Martin…” He breathed, never once breaking that soul-feeding, entrancing gaze between them. “I…Do… But… Not now…”

That wasn’t the answer Martin would’ve liked to hear.

His face fell, a frown blanketing his face as Hyukkyu turned away in embarrassment. “I… Only Allowed little time…” He explained sheepishly. “If…We go… No stop… Too long…”

Martin understood that.

Understood, but didn’t like it. In his aroused fervor, he had forgotten a simple and obvious fact. They still had one more game to play, in fact SSB had two. And those were tomorrow. No doubt Hyukkyu had orders.

“Oh…” Martin muttered, exhaling loudly, trying to cover up his disappointment to no avail. “I…See…”

“S…Sorry…” Hyukkyu blushed, embarrassed by the sudden revelation. He too, forgot to mention this simple fact. He knew. But in Martin’s arms, when he felt those soft lips against his, when he felt the Swede’s hand deviously creeping up his leg, he wanted to forget.

Forget everything, but Martin.

Unfortunately, he couldn’t.

“It’s alright,” Martin muttered, dismayed. He did in fact, understand the reasoning behind it. Understood it very well. “There’s… Still…”

He didn’t need to finish that statement.

“Tomorrow…” Hyukkyu confirmed. “Win… Or Lose… At least… Tomorrow…” He nodded, a mixture of fear and excitement dominating his expression.

“Yes…” Martin nodded, reluctantly releasing his grip on the Korean, instantly feeling the temperature drop several degrees. “Yes… We have… Tomorrow…”

“After… Game… Okay?” Hyukkyu spoke, getting up from the couch. “I…Sorry. I want… You too…” He continued, struggling more and more to express what really couldn’t be expressed.

At least, not without some rather vulgar terminology.

Martin sighed. At least he got that part right.

“Alright,” he nodded, gently hugging the Korean once more. “Alright.”

With a heavy heart, he let the boy go, but not without one last, longing gaze.

It came as no surprise that Hyukkyu returned the same expression. He too, was equally disappointed, but in the end, had resolved to win. Now it was Martin’s turn.

One more day.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... I'm sorry for teasing a more... Interesting scene at the end, for those who were interested.  
> I will be writing a uh... Smut next chapter. Or perhaps next-next chapter.  
> But don't worry, it will most definitely come~


	12. Prepare To Charge

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Last and final thoughts coming into FNC and SSB's final game.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for a short chapter, but it is my belief that this and the upcoming chapter must be separated into two.

** November 28th, 2016 **

One more sleepless night, one more day of groups.

SSB was in position to win groups as first seed. FNC on the other hand stood little chance to survive groups.

Were they to beat SSB, LMQ would still need to beat OMG, assuming SSB also beat OMG.

It is inevitable.

FNC’s hours are numbered.

 

* * *

 

Unbeknownst to Martin, Hyukkyu wasn’t faring any better. He was torn. Torn between his desire to fulfill the fantasty between him and Martin and his conviction to win. He knew. He knew well enough that Martin wouldn’t respect a deliberate throw.

He also knew that if he were to win, FNC would be eliminated from groups.

Along with their relationship.

It was a frightening prospect, and there was no clear lesser of the two evils. Both of them had come to win, but neither of them could have seen this.

Neither of them could have foreseen this relationship.

A new element had been introduced into their lives. Were this a less tumultuous time, perhaps this dilemma would not have presented itself. Perhaps their seemingly impossible relationship could function without disturbance.

But reality was not so kind.

The Korean sighed, sheepishly preparing to leave for their last and final day of group stages. He hadn’t spoken since waking up, and although his teammates were used to his shy demeanor, complete silence often meant a red flag.

“Hyukkyu, are you feeling better?” Eojin asked, concerned. “What’s wrong? You haven’t spoken a word?”

Despite the simplicity of the question, it took the boy ages to process it all. He felt so disoriented, so slow, so tired, so confused. Only after several seconds did he finally respond.

“Fnatic…” He whispered.

And that answer spoke for itself. For Hyukkyu and Martin, this one word answer spoke volumes considering the complexity of the situation.

But for any and all outsiders, that answer could not have been interpreted worse.

“Don’t worry, we’ll beat them this time,” cheered Cheonju.

It didn’t help that the rest of Samsung cheered alongside him. Their confidence and drive coming into this crucial game actually made Hyukkyu feel worse than better.

Over and over, his exhausted mind considered all options, anything to reconcile the irreconcilable, only to come to the same result.

One side would fall. It is inevitable.

 

* * *

 

The atmosphere of FNC’s lineup was cheerful, despite some unmistakeable nervousness. They all knew what this last and final game meant. But a tense atmosphere was not one their team could function in. Despite everything that was at stake, they had to keep their head up.

This was their last and final game of groups, unless they were lucky enough to get a tiebreaker.

Fun and games were over. FNC was about to leave for the EXPO center.

“Martin, you know what’s at risk today,” his coach spoke, tone grave. “I hope… You can set aside… Your personal feelings.”

“I know,” Martin responded, making no effort to hide the tension and irritation in his tone. Even if he didn’t want to hurt Hyukkyu, he knew better than anyone else that this game was crucial. “Don’t need to tell me.”

His eyes met his coach’s, and several uncomfortable, heavy seconds passed by without dialogue. There was nothing else but pure conviction and drive in Martin’s eyes. No bullshit.

This was the real deal.

“Okay, good,” his coach nodded, before speaking individually with the rest of the team.

And Martin let his tense expression and posture relax. On a different note, this really was a difficult dilemma. No matter how Hyukkyu felt about him, how they felt about one another, they weren’t going to go easy on one another.

They promised each other that much, and Martin wasn’t about to break that promise.

But the rest of Samsung no doubt were out for blood. Notwithstanding their impressive record and position to take first seed, their one loss to FNC was unacceptable. This would be a hard-fought victory, an uphill battle that Martin intended to give his all.

“Let’s move,” his coach spoke.

Martin couldn’t have agreed more.

 

 

* * *

 

SSB beat LMQ, unsurprisingly.

Now one more opponent remained. They were 4-1. At this point, first seed was secured. Cheers could be heard throughout the SSB scrim room.

Except from Hyukkyu. This last, final game against FNC meant everything.

He wanted to win. He wanted to honor his promise to Martin, even if it costed them everything else. They both shared the same vision, stood for the same principles.

But he also wanted FNC to win. Whenever the subject brought itself to light, his mind would always float back to those nights he spent with Martin. He could still feel the Swede’s hand on his as they held each other close. He could still feel Martin’s soft lips against his own. He could feel his hand on his leg, wanting more.

Wishing there was more.

And here was his once chance to force that dream into fruition. All he needed to do was to throw this one, last game.

But he couldn’t. He wouldn’t. He made a promise, and he intended to honor it, however much it hurt, however hard it would make him cry.

So when he went on stage, and looked across to the one man who’s very existence brought him to his wit’s end, that one last selfish desire reared its ugly head.

“Please… Win…” He whispered.

But he couldn’t tell which team that wish was for.

 

 

 


	13. Pain And Pleasure

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fnatic is eliminated from Worlds. By Deft's hand.  
> Between Deft and Rekkles, neither can tell who's hurting more.  
> Yet none of that matters, not when you're alone, together, for what may be the last time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... Here it is.  
> It isn't my very first time writing smut, but I'm still somewhat new to it, and would greatly appreciate feedback!
> 
> Also, as you might have already known, this chapter is pretty much devoted to smut. If you don't want to feast your eyes on some explicitly written gay sex, you may want to skip the chapter.
> 
> But otherwise, I hope everyone enjoys it!

Everything that has a beginning has an end.

And today, FNC’s story and run came to their finale.

41 minutes in, SSB took down FNC, eliminating them from worlds.

 

* * *

 

“Well, we tried our best guys,” Enrique exhaled, a mixture of relief and disappointment in his voice. These past few days were beyond exhausting, and he couldn’t help but feel some semblance of solace in knowing they had nothing more to worry about.

“Yeah…” The entire team followed suite, exchanging dismayed expressions, backed by reassuring nods. It was going to be an uphill battle, and if they weren’t going to get far, cutting their losses early would surely be better than drawing out the bleeding process.

Only Martin remained still, blinking rapidly in disbelief.

But not at their elimination from Worlds. Anyone could have seen this coming. But he hoped. Against all odds, he clung onto the hope that they could have made something out of nothing.

He was wrong. He gave an appalled frown, the shock from losing slowly dissipating, replaced by utter disappointment.

Instinctively, he looked across the stage, finding several elated expressions on the other side.

Then there was Hyukkyu. There were several emotions in the expression he gave. But if there was one that drowned out the rest, it was guilt.

Of course he would feel remorseful for winning this game. Of course he would feel remorseful for being the one to tear them apart, even if he knew it was the right thing to do.

So even when Martin pulled him into a hug, he couldn’t return the action. He didn’t dare to look into the Swede’s gentle eyes, dare to give into the hug. He told himself he didn’t deserve it, that somehow, by winning, that this was his fault.

So when the rest of FNC were busy getting ready to leave the stage, Martin looked on, until Hyukkyu’s trailing figure disappeared from his line of sight. He was upset. He was hurt. He was relieved. He was proud.

But despite everything, he kept up his side of the promise.

“I said nothing would change,” he breathed, shaking his head in dismay as he stared at the ground. “And so nothing will.”

He paused, exhaling sharply as he walked off the stage.

“They were true when we won,” he continued mind trailing away to the retreating memory of elation, followed by worry as he walked across the stage.

“They… They’re still… True…” He whispered, closing his eyes in defeat.

 

* * *

 

The team atmosphere had hit an all time low. It would just be a passing feeling, but no one was in the mood to speak. It would take time to come to terms with reality.

Martin sighed. He knew that the rest of his team would be off somewhere, getting absolutely smashed for the night. But that didn’t seem ideal, didn’t seem desirable.

So when he lied down on the soft bed, absent-mindedly taking out his phone, he did the one thing he knew how to do, knew he could do.

He messaged Hyukkyu.

 

 _“Hey, I’m really dismayed with this loss, and I really want to talk to you, if for just a bit.”_  

 

But he didn’t get the chance to send that message. A knock on the door. It caught him off guard, but the familiar sound of sobbing behind the wall told him who that was.

Hyukkyu.

The door swung open, and despite Martin’s immediate, instinctive response to hold the boy close, he shrunk back, in fear and self-hate. His shoulders trembled terribly, lips puckering when Martin looked him in the eyes.

How could he even think that he was at fault?

It was unthinkable. It hurt to see Hyukkyu’s normal peaceful, delicate features marred by tears, defaced by guilt. It hurt to see him so broken, so deeply upset with doing what they both knew was right.

And so he only tried harder, refusing to give room for the boy to fight back. Strong arms around the Korean’s frame, and held him tight, never wasting a moment in what surely felt like their last ones.

“M…M…Martin…” He sobbed, crying softly into the boy’s Fnatic jersey. He choked on every breath, unable to find footing as he fought for words. “I…I…”

“Hyukkyu,” Martin breathed, biting his lip in dismay at his boyfriend’s frightening display of guilt. “Please… Don’t do this to yourself…” He sighed heavily, his grip on the boy tightening. He had seen Hyukkyu cry before, multiple times.

But seeing him in such a raw, weakened, and vulnerable state was beyond frightening. It felt so ironic. How Martin was the one eliminated from Worlds, yet the one to console Hyukkyu.

But perhaps it wasn’t so ironic after all. Hyukkyu had been the one to swallow his tears and deliver this loss. By his hand.

“We weren’t… We weren’t good enough,” Martin spoke, lifeless and dry. He knew those words were true, even if they ate away at his already battered pride. But here, alone, he wasn’t afraid to admit them. And especially not in front of his boyfriend. “So please… Don’t feel bad…”

“No…” Hyukkyu choked out, shaking his head. “You… Are still… Number one…” He breathed, face twisting in horror when Martin attempted to stabilize him. This felt so wrong. So very wrong. This was his fault. And here he was, out of pure selfishness, he had gone down to see Martin.

He didn’t deserve kindness, didn’t deserve sympathy.

At least, that’s what he believed.

“No.” Martin responded firmly. “I… I’m not. Not when you’re here,” he sighed, exhausted and defeated. “Not with you here I’m not.” He reiterated again, his grip on the Korean loosening as the ugly, harsh truth left the depths of his psyche.

Hyukkyu didn’t respond. Between his inability to piece together English in such a disturbed state and his hitched breaths, he couldn’t do anything but stare at the floor, always in fear of meeting the Swede’s soft gaze. It felt so silly, how natural this felt yesterday, and how afraid he was now.

Martin couldn’t tolerate it anymore. He’d get through to him, even if it costed them everything. So when he held the boy again, this time with all his strength, he made sure to never let go, never to fail again.

“I’m sorry Hyukkyu,” he breathed, struggling to keep his voice stable. He knew the tears were coming. But he’d fight. He’d stave them off for Hyukkyu’s sake, if for just a little longer. “I’m sorry I couldn’t win for us.”

No response again.

“I’m sorry I wasn’t good enough,” he continued, inhaling sharply as the words cut deep. “But… Nothing has changed. I… I still love you. So damn much. So please…”

He paused. He couldn’t do this anymore. It was so raw, so agonizingly painful.

But he got his point across. Hyukkyu’s shuddering slowly came to an end, replaced by feeble whimpers. He could respond at this point, and Martin wasted no time in setting him down gently on the bed they shared not too long ago.

“So please…” Martin began again, biting his tongue as the words he wanted to speak escaped him. Luckily for him, he didn’t need to speak.

He was surprised when Hyukkyu turned to face him. Surprised when the boy pressed his soft, tender lips against his own. He could feel the boy’s cheeks against his when he pressed closer, shivering softly when he felt Hyukkyu’s drying tears brush against him.

He was surprised, but not dismayed.

Purely spurred on by emotion and need, Hyukkyu probably didn’t even realize what he was doing, why he was doing it. All he knew was that he never could have wanted someone more. Because right there, in each other arms, nothing would change.

The next moments passed in a haze, as dialogue ceased. In each other’s arms, everything could be left unsaid. The raw, unadulterated emotions spoke for themselves.

When Martin returned the action, with even more force, cupping the boy’s face as he deepened their trail of kisses, Hyukkyu put up no resistance. Martin’s breaths were a mess, and he wasted no time in savouring the soft, sweet warmth of it. He let instinct take over, eyes fluttering shut as his tongue found refuge in Martin’s wet, warm cavern.

How different kissing like this was. He could already feel the heat pool in his core, spreading all the way to the tips of his fingers. He wanted this, wanted this so damn much.

Wanted Martin so much.

But he couldn’t reconcile the feelings of self-hate and desire for Martin. All he could do was cry. Cry uncontrollably as he pushed further.

Martin wouldn’t have any of that. He couldn’t see Hyukkyu like this. So when Hyukkyu broke off the kiss for oxygen, Martin wasted no time in kissing the tears off the Korean’s soft cheeks, a reassuring smile when his soft, teal depths met the boy’s chocolate ones. He wanted this too. He wanted this so much.

Hyukkyu was inconsolable. At a loss of words, Martin did the one thing he knew would comfort Hyukkyu.

He moved his lips to the boy’s neck, grinning with a twisted sense of pride when he recognized the hickey he left days ago slowly receding. When he was done, the boy would be unrecognizable. He was relentless with his assault, his mind blank as he straddled the helpless boy beneath him, resuming his attack as his lips found their mark, trailing kisses down to the crook of the Korean’s neck, and then finally his collarbone.

His expression was a mixture of one part pure desire and one part helplessness. And all parts adorable. The way he shuddered but melted away simultaneously at Martin’s touch was infuriating. It only made Martin want him more. He relished in seeing Hyukkyu swallow and exhale several times, watched as his Adam’s apple shifted uncontrollably at his unending stream of kisses.

“M…Martin…” He finally breathed, the only thing his mind could process in his aroused fervor.

“Shh…” Martin whispered, stroking the boy’s cheek, tracing the lines where tears had just fallen from. Surely more would be coming soon.

And Martin would be the one to catch them.

So when the boy shuddered again in his self-loathing and guilt, Martin immediately wiped his tears away, gently ruffling the Korean’s hair as their lips met once more. It wasn’t quite as violent and aggressive as their first, but it quelled the ache, stifled the burning desire, if for just a little bit.

“Beautiful…” Martin breathed, his mind completely blank as instinct guided his every step. From afar, or close, nothing could diminish the Korean’s beauty.

That is, except for his clothes, which cheekily covered everything Martin wanted to see.

“I’m… I’m not…” Hyukkyu moaned, covering his face in shame. “I… I hurt us…”

“You’re not hurting me right now,” Martin exhaled, sharp and hard, a contrast to the gentle but firm grip on the boy’s wrists. He wasn’t going to force Hyukkyu into anything.

So when the Korean finally submitted, his arms falling limp, Martin wasted no time in removing the one article of clothing that obscured the Korean’s upper body. That thin Samsung Jersey.

“This…” He muttered, his fingers clumsily playing with the hem of the Korean’s jersey, before finally starting to unbutton. “Is in the way,” he spoke, almost a growl.

Hyukkyu shuddered at that, but responded, flattening his arms behind him so the Swede could remove it one swift motion. The sudden sensation of having his chest exposed was nerve wracking, and his arms instinctively covered his exposed skin, yet immediately reprimanded by his boyfriend. The feeling of Martin’s palms against his exposed abdomen sent shivers down his spine, followed immediately by euphoria. He whimpered feebly when his boyfriend’s palms migrated to the upper region of his exposed skin, but wasn’t prepared for what came next.

He felt Martin’s thumb and forefinger move over his exposed nipple, every nerve end firing as he felt pressure from every side of his body. His neck, his lips, his cheeks. Everything was being attacked simultaneously, squirming uncontrollably at the sudden onslaught of pure pleasure, slowly but surely drowning out the pain, drowning out the guilt.

Feeling brave, he finally found the strength to open his eyes, to meet Martin’s own. He was even more beautiful than he’d remembered. One hand ghosted around the boy’s back, slowly migrating to his blonde locks, the other one playing with the hem of his Fnatic jersey.

And in an instant, he felt lips crush his own as his hands struggled to find an adequate grip to hold the Swede close. Every inch of his immaculate skin he felt left him wanting more and more. So when he was done exploring the limited amount of space he could work with, he wasted no time in helping Martin remove his own shirt.

Hyukkyu made no attempt to stifle the gasp as he took in Martin’s impressive physique. Even after years of being away from constant physical activity, every muscle was still defined, still strong. He tugged at the Swede, letting him collapse once more over him, their stream of kisses never-ending, even as one hand explored every inch of Martin’s exposed chest and abdomen, the other mercilessly clawing at his back. He couldn’t breath. Between their kisses and his short, quick gasps, he found no time to replenish the oxygen he lost seemingly instantly.

But this wasn’t the end. Not even close.

He shuddered when Martin’s head rolled over to his side, his warm breaths ghosting over his exposed neck and chest. He shuddered when the Swede’s arms suddenly wrapped around his thin frame, pulling him close. He gasped when Martin suddenly pressed forward, grinding against his hips, never once breaking the kiss that held them together, their entangled tongues, their shared wet caverns they both called home.

Hyukkyu made no effort to hide his arousal. It was more than slightly satisfying to hear Martin moan into his mouth when he pressed back, his painfully hard erection brushing against the Swede’s thigh. It was more than slightly arousing to feel that the Swede was equally hard, and equally shameless about making it known.

With a soft moan, he repositioned slightly, needy hard-ons against one another as he reaffirmed his grip on the boy’s face, pulling them as close as possible. He could feel Martin’s teeth sink into his lips, the pleasure severely outweighing the pain as their chain of kisses continued. He’d look awful tomorrow.

He didn’t give a damn.

Martin finally had enough of this teasing, and broke off the kiss. Teal pools meeting brown ones, everything about Hyukkyu signalled him to go forward. Whether it was the flushed skin, the soft moans, his needy hands, or that inconspicuous hardness, he wasn’t going to stop here.

He could hear Hyukkyu whimper when his hands ghosted over the boy’s bare chest, a stark contrast to the sharp, almost predatorial breaths from Martin. He could feel Hyukkyu squirm beneath him when he brought his lips down, this time starting at the collarbone, slowly trailing lower and lower.

He winced in pleasure when his boyfriend paused briefly, attacking his nipple, tongue lashing over that dark, pert bud. This was insanity. It made him shudder to realize how good this felt, when never before had he reacted this way.

Everything about the way Martin played with him, toyed with him, felt so damn right.

Martin’s lips finally reached the lower end of the Korean’s abdomen, grinning mischievously at the plainly obvious bulge in his boyfriend’s crotch. Hyukkyu’s eyes were still hazy, and probably wasn’t processing anything he was seeing.

But he could most definitely feel it.

“Can… Can I?” Martin asked, an innocent tone in stark contrast to his obvious intentions.

Hyukkyu didn’t respond. His features were still scrunched up in pleasure, so all he could do was nod weakly, nod desperately.

Submitting to raw desire, his hand playfully palming the boy’s crotch, earning moan after moan as he explored a slightly different region every single time. The way Hyukkyu moved beneath him, responded to the slightest touch. Equal parts infuriating and arousing.

“How… How do you do this to me…” Martin breathed, eyes hazy with lust. The Korean was so damn mesmerizing, so damn perfect. And here he was, submitting to Martin’s authority, putting up no resistance even as the Swede basically claimed him as his own. “So… So perfect…”

“No…” Hyukkyu nodded, shaking his head. “I’m… I… Not perfect… Not good.” He cried, the tears continuing to roll down his delicate cheeks. His face was completely flushed, and Martin couldn’t tell if it was from the pain or the pleasure.

Perhaps it was both.

“You are perfect,” Martin reiterated, climbing over the thin frame to cup Hyukkyu’s face. “Stop doing this to yourself.” He shook his head, moving his thumbs to gently wipe away the tears that continued to pour. “I… I’ve never wanted… This more…”

Hyukkyu wanted to speak. Wanted to deny everything. To tell Martin that he was wrong. But when he opened his mouth to speak, nothing came out. However hard he strained his throat, no sound would come forth. Nothing but the anguish of self-loathing, those burning tears that spoke for him.

Even if Martin would never hold it against him for eliminating both Fnatic and their relationship from Worlds, Hyukkyu would always. It was sick. It was almost as if he wanted Martin to be angry with him, wanted Martin to hurt him.

“I… I want to see… You…” Martin breathed, stopping short. He didn’t need to say anything more. Just the experimental touch of his fingers, ghosting over the boy’s black track pants spoke volumes. So when he slipped a finger, followed by another underneath that waistband, Hyukkyu offered no resistance, nothing to deny that he didn’t want this, that he didn’t enjoy this.

A green light. Martin grinned at that, hastily removing those black pants that seemed to obscure anything and everything he wanted. One more quick motion, and Hyukkyu was fully naked, sprawled on the bedsheets. He looked so delicious, so perfect.

“M…Martin…” He moaned, trembling at the sudden feeling of complete vulnerability. He was afraid. But not of Martin. He was afraid of himself. That somehow, even like this, he’d find a way to hurt the man he loved so damn much. “I…”

But the Swede couldn’t hear a word. Nothing could have stopped his one-tracked thinking as he moved his hand back up, slowly and teasingly. It made the Korean’s knees buckle at the sensation, gasping as Martin’s hand finally found their place where he wanted them.

When was the last time Hyukkyu had jerked off?

He didn’t think he could remember. Sex was such a low priority in his life, and he never gave it much thought past those hormone-driven days. It wasn’t important. Not anymore.

But right here, it was the only thing he could think of. The sensation of Martin’s hand around his throbbing cock drove him insane, made him squirm uncontrollably as he tried to stifle the screams of pleasure that couldn’t be held. When Martin started to jerk him off, slow pumps, the rest of his body went limp. All the blood had left his arms, his legs, his brain, and all of it went to his crotch.

“Hyukkyu…” Martin sighed, his voice trembling in pure arousal and ecstasy. He couldn’t help but admit that this was more than just slightly enjoyable. Perhaps it was the twisted satisfaction of revenge. Losing to SSB in game, losing to Deft. Being dominated in game by the one man he idolized.

But right here, right then and there, he had Hyukkyu in the palm of his hand, both literally and metaphorically.

Absolute ascendancy.

“Can… Can you…” He breathed, wincing when Hyukkyu’s arms regained some semblance of control, some reprieve from the numbness. If Martin wasn’t in such a euphoric state of arousal, perhaps he would have stopped. Hyukkyu was floating somwhere between pain and pleasure, between self-hate and love, between self-sacrifice and selflessness.

He was hurting. Hurting badly. But not badly enough for Martin to stop.

Not badly enough to overcome the mounting pleasure that seemed to win every single time. Despite everything. Hyukkyu hadn’t asked him to stop, hadn’t shown any signs that he didn’t want this.

So when the Korean resumed his touch, arms steadying himself, clawing deeply into Martin’s back, Martin saw it as yet another signal to go forward, never stopping. Hyukkyu’s hands were moving slowly, almost in fear.

As arousing it was to have his boyfriend’s hands ghost over his chest, his nipples, his abs, it wasn’t going to go far. He wanted more. Wanted it so much. Wanted Hyukkyu to touch him where it mattered. He stopped, briefly pondering why it was that Hyukkyu felt so reluctant to explore the nether, uncharted regions of Martin’s body.

Was it fear? Was it guilt? 

So when Hyukkyu’s hands got close, but not quite there, Martin let go of the boy’s cock, his eyes meeting the Korean’s. He looked intoxicated. Dazed.

“Please...” Was all he could muster, falling into the boy, pulling him into a deep, long kiss. If he couldn’t get through to Hyukkyu, to tell him that he wasn’t upset with him, that he still loved him, then maybe pushing him forward, perhaps teasing him would do the trick.

There was no way Hyukkyu could resist for long. Martin knew. Hyukkyu knew, however much he didn’t want to admit it. If the sloppy, leaked precome on Hyukkyu’s stomach didn’t speak for itself.

Martin wasn’t wrong. He shivered at the sensation of hands in regions untouched, on his back, just above his jeans. He moaned softly when Hyukkyu’s touches became more daring, feeling the Korean’s hands grab at his ass through those jeans, at the sensation of his belt being removed, grinning amidst their kiss when the Korean’s hands found their way back to the front, just barely avoiding his crotch. That could wait. Just feeling Hyukkyu unfasten the belt sent him into overdrive, if the fact that the Korean’s leaking cock pressing against his abs wasn’t already.

“Go on…” He breathed, nodding slightly as he repositioned slightly for another kiss, never once letting go of the boy’s delicate cheeks as he hoisted him upwards into a semi-sit position.

And of course, Hyukkyu complied. All he needed was a little motivation. With one final, lazy kick, he removed the jeans and the boxers that had restrained his hard-on for far too long.

In moments, they were both fully nude, separated only by air. Separated only by distance.

That was always their issue, and would always remain one.

It made every last moment they could spend together mean that much more.

“I want… I want to fuck you…” Martin breathed, cloudy teal depths holding Hyukkyu’s brown ones. No more inhibition, no more hesitation. “I want… I want you… So fucking much.” He paused, his hands moving up Hyukkyu’s abdomen and chest, admiring his boyfriend’s body in all its naked, unadulterated glory.

Then there was his face. His oh so delicious, aroused expression gave every moment of suffering meaning. For Hyukkyu, he had suffered this much, came this far. All of it, every moment, every hour spent grinding league, just to travel across the world and fail- All of it was worth it for this one, precious moment.

“So… Beautiful…” Martin whispered again, shaking his head in disbelief at how perfect Hyukkyu’s body was. Aside from the growing bruise-like marks on the boy’s neck, everything was unblemished, unmarred, unscathed.

And yet again, Hyukkyu refused to admit it. Admit that he wanted this, admit that maybe Martin was right. Wading in guilt, the only way he could fight off the tears was to go forward, move onward. He needed to feel Martin against him, needed to feel those lips against his once more.

So even when Martin pulled away, his hands cheekily ghosting down to the boy’s thighs, mimicking the same action from just last night, Hyukkyu made sure to pull him back closer, just to crush those lips against his own, to stifle the tears that always threatened to fall.

He couldn’t tell what he wanted more. Whether Martin’s hands cupped his cheeks, yanked at his hair, or stroked his thigh, he’d yield the same result. So when Martin’s hands finally found their way back down, and he was confident that his boyfriend wouldn’t pull away, he made sure to drop his hands, trailing down Martin’s exposed skin in the same teasing, infuriating manner.

He only got a few moments to stroke the Swede’s erect length before being violently pulled upwards as Martin’s hands found their way, cupping the Korean’s ass. Momentarily losing grip, he latched onto the closest things his hands could find; Martin’s biceps. Arms that normally held him so gently now in overdrive, shining with sweat. His intentions were crystal clear, even if he couldn’t see his face, couldn’t see through the tears that seeped through closed eyes, couldn’t see any expression on the Swede’s face aside from raw arousal.

It didn’t matter. He knew he could trust Martin.

He could faintly hear the drawer opening, faintly see the Swede pull out a condom and a bottle of lube. It seemed he did in fact listen to Paul.

Already, Hyukkyu felt the difference of not having Martin against him, not having those lips against his, not feeling the familiar warmth radiate off of his skin. He’d have to wait. Instinctively, his hands chased after the Swede, only to realize he was too far.

“Martin…” He exhaled, giving up. He had submitted to Martin’s authority. He knew what was coming, what was in store for him.

And he wouldn’t regret it.

“Just a minute babe,” Martin whispered, lazily putting on the condom, before applying a generous amount of lube to his finger, followed by another, then another. “If… If it hurts...” He whispered, heart pounding as he realized what he was about to do.

This wouldn’t be a smooth ride, even with lube.

He couldn’t hurt Hyukkyu more than he needed to. In such a vulnerable, weakened state, there wasn’t much more the Korean could take. Martin made it clear that regardless of anything and everything, he would still love the boy, treasure him for life.

Nothing would change.

“Tell… Tell me…” He breathed, closing his eyes in fear at the prospect of hurting Hyukkyu. He swore he’d stop if anything went wrong. “Please…”

“No…” Hyukkyu finally spoke, the words slowly but surely getting through to him, cutting through the fog in his confused mind. “I… I want… You… Don’t… Stop…” He moaned, squirming restlessly, aching for more. This wasn’t Martin’s time to be remorseful.

Perhaps, after handling Fnatic their crippling defeat, it was only fair to submit to Martin, submit to his every desire. However fucked up it sounded, it was the only thing that Hyukkyu’s tired, confused mind could process, could rationalize.

Perhaps, in his twisted, confused logic, this was what he deserved.

“Al…Alright…” Martin exhaled, before gently propping himself above the Korean once more. Despite Hyukkyu’s seeming consent, he wanted to test the waters, wanted to make sure that nothing could go wrong, that everything would be fine.

Setting the boy down, his hands ghosted down the boy’s thighs, before going under, and up. The familiar sensation of Hyukkyu’s ass against his hands was absolutely mesmerizing. It spurred him onward, spurred him to continue, to explore that region he never dared to.

“Relax, okay?” Martin whispered, gently pressing his lips against the Korean’s, kissing the remainder of his tears away, using his free hand to stroke that soft, delicate cheek. Finally turning his attention to the boy’s earlobe, his lips found purchase, carefully letting his teeth find their mark. His scent was absolutely overruling. If it was strong when Hyukkyu was fully clothed, then this was overpowering. So delicious.

Hyukkyu went tense for a brief moment, grimacing as Martin’s kisses trailed down to his jawline, before finally down to his neck. Gasping sharply, he wasn’t expecting pressure from the other end of his body.

The finger that circled his tight entrance, that cheekily tested the waters, never once daring to move forward, had finally been set in motion. One finger. Two fingers. Three? Hyukkyu couldn’t tell, couldn’t process anything as the static wiped his mind blank, crying out in pleasure as Martin edged forward, his hands instinctively tightening over the Swede’s naked, sweaty body. It was disgusting, really. But it was also absolutely arousing. He clawed his fingers into the boy’s back, holding him close, holding him tight, something to anchor him to reality.

“I’m… I’m not hurting you… Am I?” Martin breathed, a sudden pang of fear as he tried to decipher Hyukkyu’s expression. He was so afraid of hurting him, so afraid of losing him. Even if every cell in his body ached for more, Martin wouldn’t continue. Not if it hurt Hyukkyu.

Too dazed to speak, too dazed to even moan, Hyukkyu merely shook his head, whimpering in discomfort when Martin ceased all motion. His muscles finally loosened up as Martin turned his attention to the one, last unexplored region of Hyukkyu’s body.

That relaxed hole.

Although Martin had never done this before, he had a good idea of how this would be done. Inserting one more finger back in, he paused for any sign of discomfort, any sign that he had gone too far.

Hyukkyu didn’t go tense.

So when he pushed in again, deeper, he made sure to go slow, until he was certain he had reached that sweet spot. Hyukkyu’s sudden moan said it all.

“Ahhhh…” Hyukkyu breathed, eyes blinking rapidly as he felt the finger in him find his prostate, teasing and chaste, before finally pulling out, revealing the throbbing ring of flesh, glistening with lube, aching for more, something to quell the sudden emptiness left by Martin’s fingers.

One more kiss. Holding the Korean’s thin frame, upright he crushed their lips together, before positioning his cock at the boy’s pulsating entrance. Hands moving down his boyfriend’s chest, he grabbed at the boy’s ass, propping him upright just a little more, before finally moving in.

Heaven.

Hyukkyu was so tight, just the feeling of the Korean’s ass around his cock drove him insane, to heights of arousal undreamed, unheard. The inhibition was vanishing, and Martin had to restrain himself from giving into pure instinct. He breathed hard, collapsing over the boy, letting him fall back down into a more comfortable, lying position.

“Ready?” He breathed, fighting the urge to continue as his eyes scanned the boy’s face once more. Once again, it was hard to decipher pain from pleasure.

It always seemed to come as a package, and Martin had difficulty ascertaining whether or not Hyukkyu was ready for more, wanted more.

The boy merely nodded, letting his scrunched features relax against the sudden intrusion. His thighs and ass were not so compliant however, clenching and unclenching uncontrollably at the sensation of Martin inside of him.

It only added to the already unbearable warmth and pleasure.

Martin deliberated for a moment, before pulling the Korean’s knees and thighs a little closer, a better position, shifting his hips proportionally. His murky, teal pools met Hyukkyu’s for a brief instant, submitting to desire, and pushing forward. The warmth and tightness was almost too much to handle, and Martin had to stop himself from going hard, going fast. He was afraid. Afraid of hurting Hyukkyu. But yet again, the Korean put up no resistance, only moaning in pleasure when Martin pushed a little further in.

“So…So tight…” Martin whispered, gasping as more warmth engulfed him, his knees losing their integrity as he struggled to keep his footing. “So… Warm…”

But it wouldn’t be fair if only he got off. He let go of Hyukkyu’s left leg, hands ghosting down to the boy’s long neglected cock. He was still rock hard, if the glistening of pre-come didn’t speak for itself. It caused the Korean to gasp, and hold on even tighter to Martin’s body, savouring the feeling of his flushed skin, shining with sweat. Perhaps if they weren’t naked, the feeling of the Swede’s sweaty skin would’ve evoked a less enthusiastic response.

Martin grinned at that, feeling Hyukkyu’s cock twitch involuntarily at the slightest touch. Carefully, he started jerking the boy off once again, the slow pumps matching the growing rhythm of his thrusts. Slowly but surely, the growing heat and tightness sent him further and further into overdrive, struggling to hold on as his mind blanked.

He couldn’t think. Couldn’t see. Only feel that sweet, warmth, tight hole clenching and unclenching around his cock as he kept up his thrusts, kept up his pumps. Felt so good. And in this one, precious moment, he had forgotten about everything.

All suffering, wiped away by the bliss of making love with the one and only person you love.

Slowly but surely, the inhibition and fear were vanishing. Slowly but surely, Hyukkyu could feel vitality and his zeal for life restore. This could mark the last chance he’d be able to spend with Martin. However much he hated himself, waded in guilt, he’d set it aside for Martin’s sake. For both of them.

The growing heat in Martin’s core had reached an all-time high, spreading to the very tips of his fingers, pooling in his gut, his crotch, so much so that he wasn’t sure he could hold on much longer. He was close. So close. If his sudden accelerated breathing, tense muscles didn’t speak for themselves, surely his sudden accelerated thrusts would.

He had not forgotten that he still had a hand on the Korean’s cock. His slow, teasing pumps, combined with his relentless assault on the boy’s prostate were driving him insane. Every muscle in his body went tense, forgetting to relax when Martin once more crushed their lips together, savouring the Korean’s warm, sweet breath, his tongue finding easy access past his all too kissable lips.

Between his scrunched features and the growing pressure of his fingertips on Martin’s back and hair, the signs were evident. Hyukkyu was close. Maybe even closer than Martin. He was so tense, every muscle from head to toe responded involuntarily to Martin’s touch.

It was electric. It was fire.

It was everything.

“I’m… I’m close…” Martin breathed, his ragged breaths becoming weighty gasps, his one free hand slipping down to the Korean’s hips, all the while mercilessly attacking the boy’s prostate. “So… Close…”

And for the first time, Hyukkyu could respond. Between the sensation of Martin, inches in him, Martin’s hand on his cock, Martin’s skin, flushed, sweaty, and warm, if there was one thing he could understand, could feel, was pure euphoria.

“Me… Me too…” He moaned, knees buckling at the sudden accelerated pace of Martin’s hands, Martin’s cock, so many things driving him insane all at once.

“Look… At me…” Martin breathed. “I want to see your eyes, wide and clear.” He commanded, raising that one free hand once more to hold Hyukkyu, reassuringly stroking the Korean’s face, never letting him out of sight.

And of course, Hyukkyu complied. Eyes fluttering open, the tears finally coming to a stop. Everything about him was so beautiful, so perfect. Even that growing bruise on his lip, most definitely left by Martin, only made him more desirable. Even those growing, purplish, crimson love bites on his neck couldn’t diminish the raw, unadulterated beauty of seeing Hyukkyu in all his glory. Even all that spilled pre-come, glistening vividly on the boy’s stomach couldn’t reduce him.

Martin’s gaze once more met Hyukkyu’s, and for the first time, he couldn’t recognize any semblance of pain. It was gone. All of it. Replaced by nothing but pure arousal and euphoria. The raw potency of the boy’s stare caused the Swede to draw a shuddering breath, both of them at the peak of their aroused fervor.

“So… Beautiful…” A voice spoke. And for the first time, it wasn’t Martin’s.

How different this was. No longer supressed by fear, bound by inhibition, everything was crystal clear, every little sensation was amplified to heights undreamed of.

“Hyukkyu?” Martin breathed, in surprise and delight at the Korean’s sudden, but welcomed change in expression.

“Martin.” He responded, his trembling coming to an end. And for the first time, his grip on the Swede didn’t resemble someone holding on for dear life. Didn’t resemble someone torn between desire and self-loathing.

His eyes scanned the Swede’s body, relishing in the raw beauty of his chiseled muscles, in that picture perfect visage, those perfect eyes that spoke volumes.  There was nothing to fear. However vulnerable he was like this, he wouldn’t have had it any other way.

In that instant, no other words could bridge the gap, no other words could replicate or substitute for the actions that spoke several times louder. So when he resumed his thrusts, resumed his fervent motions on the boy’s cock, that soft, desperate cry from Hyukkyu spoke for him. There was no stopping now.

Martin picked up the pace, knees buckling as he redoubled his efforts, the feeling so raw, so strong, so overwhelming. Inches deep inside the boy, he wasn’t sure how much further he could go. It wouldn’t stop him from trying, wouldn’t stop him from fucking him harder, fucking him faster.

“Kiss me,” Hyukkyu suddenly commanded, his voice quickly losing his integrity, every muscle going tense as he approached the point of no return. He knew.

Martin knew.

And of course, Martin obliged, once more raising that one free hand to cup the boy’s face, hold him close, hold him tight. And of course, the raw sensation of feeling Hyukkyu’s soft, full lips against his own worked its magic, made his head swim.

Made both of them.

One stroke? Two? Three? He couldn’t tell. Couldn’t pinpoint when.

Within moments, Hyukkyu came, his best attempts to stifle the cry of raw pleasure coming to a stop as his vision went blank, the static firing from every nerve end. His knees buckled, trembling violently with the force of the orgasm as his come spilled all over Martin’s hand and his stomach. When Hyukkyu was finally done, Martin exhaled, letting the boy rest for a brief moment, a brief respite before he continued, picked up the pace once more. His hand was covered in come, leaking down all the way to the tips of his fingers.

It didn’t matter. Reluctantly withdrawing his other hand from the boy’s face, he cupped the boy’s ass, once more propping him upwards for ease of access, before finally clawing at the Korean’s hips.

“Are… Are you happy?” Martin breathed, finding his voice amidst the growing heat in his core, threatening to burst, to erupt at any moment. He was so close. So very close. But he needed to know the answer to this one, simple question.

Hyukkyu was dazed. Numb from the force of his orgasm.

But that didn’t stop him from answering. He knew. Knew it before Martin popped the question.

“Yes.”

And that was all Martin needed to hear. Short. Sweet. Simple.

Heaven.

Like a white, hot flame, spreading from his core, engulfing every nerve ending, every cell in his body. It was too much. Too powerful. The pleasure that surged through his body was indescribable. It all started, and ended with Hyukkyu.

Always with Hyukkyu.

His knees, finally giving into the orgasm, collapsed, allowing him to fall, to rest his tired body on the boy’s frame. He hadn’t even pulled out yet. Didn’t even have the strength to.

But if there was one thing he could do, it was stare. Stare into Hyukkyu’s soft, brown depths, relishing in that shared, mutual understanding of one another. Slowly but surely, he could see that warm, bright smile break on the Korean’s delicate features. That smile that never failed to drive him insane. He was so beautiful, so adorable.

And he was all Martin had. The only thing that came out of their short stint at Worlds.

More than enough.

So. Much. More.

Bora would be coming back soon. In fact, he might’ve been outside that door, that thin wall that separated them from the rest of the world, that thin barrier that allowed them to thrive, undisturbed, unfettered.

It didn’t matter. It didn’t even cross his mind. Eventually, Hyukkyu would have to leave, they’d both have to clean up after themselves.

But surely, sparing a few more minutes together, in each others arms wasn’t too much to ask.

Perhaps the world would remember FNC’s short run at Worlds this year ending with failure, with dismay.

But for Martin, his run at worlds ended with Hyukkyu.

Always with Hyukkyu.

He wouldn’t have had it any other way.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	14. Whenever You Call

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rekkles and Deft share one last moment together before they have to say goodbye.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song (italicized) is Whenever You Call by Mariah Carey!  
> I don't own it or any of the lyrics.

** September 29th, 2014 **

“Wake up,” spoke a voice, all too familiar. That accented, adorable English. One whose timbre never failed to melt his heart, to tranquilize the worst of pain.

He knew. Knew it right away.

“Hyukkyu…” He breathed, eyes fluttering open.

But when he scanned the familiar room, he could find nothing. Nothing but the crumpled bedsheets from last night, the familiar scent of sweat and sex.

Nothing but the unpleasant feeling of knowing.

His time was up.

 

_Love_

_Wandered inside_

_Stronger than you_

_Stronger than I_

_Now_

_That it has begun_

_We cannot turn back_

_We can only turn_

_Into one_

Martin rose from his bed, absentmindedly shifting around, only to realize that Hyukkyu was nowhere to be seen, nowhere to be felt.

He sighed, realizing that their flight would leave today. In a matter of hours, he’d be halfway across the continent, while Hyukkyu would be here, battling it out for a shot at Worlds.

He was content. Content that despite this short run at worlds, he accomplished something.

But knowing that this was the end brought a new meaning to emptiness.

It caught him by surprise.

When that one tear rolled down his face, his hand instinctively ghosting over the other side of the bed.

“Hyukkyu…”

_I won’t ever be too_

_Far away to feel you_

_And I won’t hesitate at all_

_Whenever you call_

_And I’ll always remember_

_The part of you so tender_

_And be the one to catch your fall_

_Whenever you call_

Their flight back to Berlin would be in a couple hours. In other words, Martin had time. However small it was, every last moment he could spend with Hyukkyu was worth it all.

So when he excused himself, no one objected.

_“Hyukkyu… Do you have some time?”_

The answer came instantly.

Like Hyukkyu was waiting for this moment.

_“Yes.”_

“ _Meet me downstairs in 10 minutes?”_

And so he put the phone away, sighing heavily as he realized that this would be their last moment together. At least for a very long time.

Soon, he’d be back home.

Soon, he’d be back in Sweden, into the warm, loving embraces of his family.

But surely, a few more hours with Hyukkyu wasn’t too much to ask.

_And I’m_

_Truly inspired_

_Finding my soul_

_There in your eyes_

_And you_

_Have opened my heart_

_And lifted me inside_

_By showing me yourself_

_Undisguised_

Yesterday’s events had left both of them drained.

But for the first time since arriving in Singapore, Martin couldn’t feel the stress, the strain of competing on the World stage.

All he could feel was Hyukkyu, by his side, and the refreshing, slightly chilly autumn air.

It was a beautiful day. What better than to spend it with a beautiful boy.

And Hyukkyu had slowly, but surely, been coming to terms with reality. Even if things ended here, he wouldn’t, couldn’t forget the precious, last two months together.

And for once, the silence was a comforting safe haven rather than an indicator of awkwardness.

And for once, League of Legends, and the World stage wasn’t a pressing matter. Just two people, two lovers, together for one last moment.

_And I won’t ever be too_

_Far away to feel you_

_And I won’t hesitate at all_

_Whenever you call_

_And I’ll always remember_

_The part of you so tender_

_And be the one to catch your fall_

_Whenever you call_

It was a Monday, yet one that wasn’t entirely too busy.

Everyone was minding their own business, unable to spare even slight attention to the two of them.

But still, at Hyukkyu’s suggestion, there was a more secluded park, not too far from the hotel. Of course. They weren’t alone anymore. They were in public.

And once more, Hyukkyu’s words rang loud. He knew what would happen if they were caught.

“Almost there, okay?” Hyukkyu whispered, his hand gently brushing against Martin’s right.

It must have looked pathetic, to any outsider. How careful they had to be, how much had to be left unsaid, undone.

But it was worth the wait. All of it.

“Okay,” Martin nodded, a warm smile breaking on his gentle features.

_And I will breathe for you each day_

_Comfort you through all the pain_

_Gently kiss your fears away_

_You can turn to me and cry_

_Always understand that I_

_Give you all I am inside_

Finally, they reached a more secluded area of the city, devoid of human attention.

Alone, although still in public, there wasn’t much they could do.

Nothing much, but share one last, chaste kiss.

It really felt like a date. Almost like their first, real date, unless you counted their not so public exploring of the EXPO center.

But in such a secluded, vibrant place of peace, everything felt so much more real, more believable, more tangible. That they might have a future together.

Between the way those soft lips held his, how gentle the boy’s touch was, nothing could be more perfect.

Even as they were technically breaking the law, even as someone might have caught them.

None of it mattered.

_Now I won’t ever be too_

_Far away to feel you_

_And I won’t hesitate at all_

_Whenever you call_

_I won’t ever be too far away_

_And I won’t hesitate at all_

_Whenever you call_

But eventually, they’d have to leave. Eventually, the rest of reality would move forward. Time would unfreeze, and they would be brought to their knees.

Eventually, they’d have to surrender one another to the passage of time and the harshness of truth.

So even when they shared that one last embrace, even when he could most certainly hear Hyukkyu’s sobs, however faint, he couldn’t bring himself to do it. Even as he could feel that familiar, vulnerable frame tremble, he couldn't do it.

Couldn’t bring himself to say goodbye.

There was so much he wanted to do.

So much more he wanted to say.

The words that never came out.

Actions undone.

All he could do, was hold, and comfort Hyukkyu.

One last time.

_And I’ll always remember_

_That part of you so tender_

_And be the one to catch your fall_

_Whenever you call_

_Oh_

_Whenever you_

_Call_

_…_

_.._

_._

 


	15. I Will Wait For You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rekkles and Deft reach the end of their journey, and look towards the future.

_“I… I have to go now…” He whispered, sighing heavily as Hyukkyu felt those reassuring arms reluctantly slip away, feel the temperature drop several degrees._

_He couldn’t speak. He didn’t know what to say, how to say it. This was really the end._

_Martin understood. Understood everything Hyukkyu wanted to say, but left unspoken. Understood all the pain behind that numb, blank expression._

_“But… Before I leave… There’s something… Something I’ve made for you,” he breathed. “I wish… I had more time. Every precious moment that I could have had to spend with you.”_

_Hyukkyu understood that. Before the words themselves were born. Whatever language spoken, it wouldn’t match up to the universal language._

_Love._

Arriving back at the Samsung house, he was thankful that everyone was minding their own business. No one bothered him. He had a personal laptop. Unused, definitely, but still his.

What better than to use it now?

Opening Skype, he smiled at the appearance of a new contact. Martin.

But there was something else, a file sent along with the contact request.

Curious, he took a look.

 

The familiar golden locks, teal depths, immaculate visage. That gentle, radiant smile.

Martin.

How… How did he find the time to do this? Everything… Everything was dutifully translated into Korean. Had he planned this video ahead of time?

Hyukkyu stared, wide-eyed. This… This would signify the last time he’d hear Martin’s voice, see that brilliant expression during his run at Worlds.

 

_“Hyukkyu. Although today may be the last time I get to see you, you know I don’t want it to be. You and I both know that. Yet… It’s been what… 3 years? The first… The first thing I’ve been able to accomplish was making it into the LCS, realizing the one and only dream I had for years on end. It was an uphill battle, convincing my family that this was the path I wanted to take. A path that I wouldn’t regret. Little did I know that it would lead me here. That our paths would cross like this. Over these past 3 years, I went from a naïve, starry-eyed child to becoming an LCS champion, to growing into my own person, to finally becoming your boyfriend. But the last 2 months have been the most spectacular, regardless of any and all sacrifices I’ve had to make. Because of you. I remember the first time hearing about you. The first time I had a chance to watch your gameplay, watch you stun the world and me on a very personal level. Your skills were phenomenal, and from that day onward, you have, and always will be, my only idol. I don’t think I’ve ever told you this before, but since that day, I’ve always been your fan. I’ve always admired you, always chased after you like a shining exemplar of what an ideal player should be. Did you know though? When a fan has the chance to come so close, befriend, and maybe even become the one their idol loves, that that’s a great accomplishment in life itself?_

 

Hyukkyu could only watch in silence, wondering if Martin realized the same could be said about him. How the two of them, worlds apart, walked the same path.

Who would’ve guessed it led them here.

 

Martin paused, and for the first time in the bleak video, averted his gaze from the camera, breath hitching as he struggled to find his words.

 

_“But… I’m sorry Hyukkyu. I couldn’t keep my promise. We… We swore to advance further together. Not just on the international stage, but on a very personal level ourselves.”_

 

Martin looked back into the camera, exhaling softly. His eyes said it all.

 

_“I’m sorry Hyukkyu. I’m not… I’m not a good enough player. I couldn’t match up to you, or anyone. I couldn’t be the star player that you could stand with on equal footing. I’m… I’m sorry Hyukkyu. I’m not a good boyfriend. However hard you might blame yourself for these millions of miles that now separate us, nothing will compare to my inability to keep any promises to you. Nothing will compare to how insensitive and stupid I was when I first left you in tears, that one night at the Samsung house. Nothing will compare to how careless I was.”_

He paused again, and although now he wasn’t looking directly in the camera, Hyukkyu knew that the man in the video was crying.

Crying, as Hyukkyu surely was now.

 

_“It’s been an exhausting year, and I want to get back to my family, if for just a bit. I’d like… I’d like to meet you over the Christmas holidays, but perhaps that might not be possible.” He sighed, voice faltering. “But… Even if I could… Maybe… I wouldn’t… Not yet.”_

 

His eyes met the lenses, shaking his head in dismay at what he was about to say.

 

_“It’s… It’s because I want a third accomplishment in my life,” he finally spoke, exhaling. “I want… I don’t want to only be that starry-eyed fan, always chasing after his idol, always in the shadow of someone greater than him. I want to be able to stand on equal footing with the one man I not only idolize, but love. Love so damn much. You.”_

The tears were slowly, but surely streaming down the Swede’s otherwise immaculate cheeks now. His voice trembled, struggling to find footing amidst the pain of biting the bullet.

 

_“But no matter how much I change, how far away you are, you are still, and always will be, the closest person to me,” Martin continued, fighting the urge to wipe away the tears. “You are… The man I love. My idol. My boyfriend. My everything,” he exhaled sharply, his voice finally breaking. “I said nothing would change between us, and for me, those words will always be true.”_

Hyukkyu grimaced, shaking his head in pain, the tears unfettered. It hurt. It hurt so much. He knew. But what could they do, when Martin was halfway across the world now as he was watching this video? What could he do when obligations took away any and every chance they might get together?

But the video wasn’t done. Martin had recollected himself.

 

_“But in the end, however selfish of me it is to ask you this, I want us both to be happy, to find our way together,” Martin breathed, some semblance of vitality returning to his otherwise exhausted expression. “Hyukkyu…” He began, voice trembling. “Will you wait for me? For me to become the man you deserve, to rise to the standard that you alone, have set? To see you again, and love you, cherish you?” Martin continued. “Will you give me that chance?”_

And for the first time in the video, that familiar, heart-warming smile broke on the Swede’s teary, exhausted expression.

 

_“There’s so much… So much more I want to say. So much more I want to do, to share with you. These past two months can’t even compare to the volumes that I left unspoken, volumes that I left undone. And I know… I know you do too.”_

Shaking his head, he found the strength to finish.

 

_“We… We ran out of time. But when we were there… Together… Alone. When I held you close, held you tight… I knew… That this couldn’t possibly be the end of us. There’s still more… So much more. But… In the end, I respect anything and everything you’ll ever decide. You have… You have no obligation, no need to wait for me. I just… I just hope you do. Because I know I’ll wait for you.”_

 

A soft smile into the camera, and the video cut to black there.

Hyukkyu was stunned. Martin was gone. There was no telling how long he’d need to wait, how much would change before their paths might cross again. It might be weeks. Months. Dare he say it years. But Martin had promised. Promised that he would love and cherish him forever. That, by itself, spoke volumes for the Korean, who trembled terribly when he realized those words too, held true for him.

 

He had not forgotten. He had hoped though. Hoped to make a dream a reality.

However hard he'd try to cast them aside, forget that it was ever there, he knew.

He'd still find it.

 

Finally, he spoke.

“M…Martin…” He began, speaking to the voiceless grey screen, tears streaming down his cheeks as he realized the vow he was about to make.

“I… I will wait for you…”

He shook his head, embracing the pain, hands curling into fists. “I promise.”

However much it hurt, however much easier it would be to just try to forget it all, forget that anything happened, he’d rather endure the pain, endure the fact that it would hurt to love someone a million miles apart.

And he wouldn’t regret that decision.

“I will wait for you.”

 

...

..

.

 

_"Hey, what kind of place is Sweden?" He asked, warm, radiant smile breaking on his delicate features._

_It sent jolts down Martin's spine. He couldn't help but smile at Hyukkyu's much improved English. And best of all, that adorable accent was still there._

_"It's nice, maybe a little cold during the Winter. But every season has something special about it," said Martin, gently holding Hyukkyu's hand as they walked. "I'd love to take you there someday. When things calm down a little."_

_Hyukkyu nodded, melting away at Martin's touch. It was little gestures like these that made every moment they spent together precious and priceless. It was little gestures like these that made him fall for Martin as hard as he did._

_And he didn't regret it._

_"Yes... That sounds very nice," Hyukkyu spoke, blushing slightly as Martin leaned in for a chaste kiss. "Pretty Martin!" He grinned, giggling. "Never change."_

_"Pretty Hyukkyu you mean," Martin cooed, holding the boy close. "Yes, there's so much in Sweden I'd love to show you, to share with you."_

_"Tell me more," said Hyukkyu, excitement filling his gentle eyes. "It sounds so nice, yes."_

_"You'll love the countryside," Martin smiled, fond memories rolling in. "It's beatiful. Almost as beautiful as you," he grinned, feeling the Korean lean against him affectionately. He'd never get tired of this. Not in a million years._

_"And... Would you like to meet my family?" He whispered, suddenly feeling a little nervous. Not that he was afraid Hyukkyu would say no, the boy had expressed in the past that he wanted to, but still, a little nervewracking nonetheless._

_"Yes!" Hyukkyu breathed, excited. "Yes... I'd love to."_

_"Okay," Martin smiled, relief washing over him._

_Another beautiful day, he thought, feeling the soft breeze of autumn air as they walked off into the sunset._

_But you make it even better. You always have._

_Never falter, never change._

_Not in a million years._

 

 

_…The End_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And so this story has come to an end.
> 
> I hope everyone enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it, albeit a few regrets I have:
> 
> \- Inconsistencies with Hyukkyu's English skills. I look back and realize I'm not very good at convincingly writing someone's struggle with the language, and that's something I'm looking to work on
> 
> \- Rushing the story, particularly early on. I've forever struggled with bridging the gap between realizing one's feelings, admitting them, then falling in love. Perhaps it's a manifestation of me wanting to jump the gun, but I realize this is a little rushed
> 
> \- Portrayal of Martin, particularly in chapter 6. Hyukkyu specifically mentioned in their 2015 World's Feature that their friendship was built out of friendship and Martin's kindness. While at times I think I did an okay-ish job at this, I truly regret how I wrote chapter 6 and portrayed Martin's flaws. Not to say that a kind person is perfect, but this was a big issue, and perhaps my biggest regret
> 
> \- Imbalance in who's perspective I tell the story from. I wanted to originally split the perspectives close to 50:50, but I ended up gravitating a lot towards Martin. I found it increasingly difficult to write about their romance from Hyukkyu's perspective, perhaps because he is naturally on the shy side. That's not to say that someone shy and introverted is incapable of expressing love and assertiveness (As he does several times throughout the story), but that I simply find it difficult to convince myself that what I'm writing seems believable (let alone convince everyone else)
> 
>  - Some transitional flaws. Learning how to gracefully cut and enter scenes is another flaw I really want to work on for my next works!
> 
> And more, but those are my biggest regrets. Then again, this is my first complete story, which to me, is a milestone.
> 
> I was considering a second, maybe third arc, exploring Martin's time in 2015, through his failures on Elements, success on Fnatic and newfound feelings for Yeujin, and perhaps him and Hyukkyu's short time together at Worlds 2015 again.  
> But considering the road I took with this story, that may not be entirely feasible. (I mean... After consummating their love and making that vow, it feels very... Odd to have it be broken just like that)
> 
> So although I'm considering writing a story about his time on Elements, as well as his feelings for Yeujin, it wouldn't be a part of a series, rather a standalone.  
> EDIT: I have changed my mind, but for the time being, this is on hiatus. 
> 
> I would like to explore the possibly of Hyukkyu moving to EU though. It would open a lot of room to explore. How nice would it be for the one you love to be a mere train ride away rather than a million miles apart. It was heartbreaking to see Fnatic stumble this hard this year though, and I hope Martin and Hyukkyu get a chance to meet this year.
> 
> But enough rambling. This story is finished, and once more, I thank those who supported me, and I apologize to those where the story didn't appeal.
> 
> I'm always looking to improve, and I'm open to mostly anything to write about (with a bit of research, practice, and imagination of course!!
> 
> And once again, any last feedback is appreciated! Although this story has come to an end, I will be making new works, and, with Dekkles being my favourite pairing, will most likely make another work featuring them!


End file.
